I am the king you never wanted. But I don’t need you to bow to me. You are my subject. You can’t disagree.

I’m in that bottle. I’m in that needle. I’m on your shoulder and in your head. My rent is free. My throne is made of guilt and anger. My crown of gold what’s on my brow; it is gilded with your vain hopes and empty dreams.

I’m the face you hate so much but can never scream at. You heard my voice first so long ago. You heard it when, in the heat of passion your mama gave you that mark she said was all your fault. Was it on your arm or on your soul? So many cuts all over, you’re quite the tapestry of damage. And I know all of them.

You want me gone? You hate my nightmare? I won’t lie that’s fair. But first some questions that you can answer. Can you punch a mirror without hitting yourself? Can you get away from that nasty demon, that had the gall to hide in your own shadow? Can you kill the worm under your skin? Wrench it out and watch it squirm? Gonna need a good knife for that. Fly away if you can. I am the storm and you can’t outfly me. Build that ark if you want. I am an ocean and you can’t out swim me.

Oh what you’re crying because you can’t escape me? Well that’s fair too I won’t deny. What? I know what I am. You wanna know what I am? I am the memory you won’t acknowledge. I am that beast that hides behind everything you fear. I’m what your heart will not accept when it looks in the mirror.

And what are you? The thing that hides me? The one who walks in my shadow? Who lets me know that I’m contained?

You’re a hero. I can’t deny. Don’t act surprised. I’m quite the monster. But in this place where lines are blurry our strength and power is just the same. My claws and teeth are yours. It’s a hard pill to swallow. Your own strength is mighty. But you see me and think “How could I compete?”

Just remember. We’re a package deal. If I’m inside you, it’s because you’ve trapped me. I haven’t broken the cage yet. You must be stronger than even you can see.

So how about it? Keep going on a little longer. Put down that sharp thing. Keep it away from your wrist. Every little drop you draw? That doesn’t hurt me. Just makes you weaker. I’m well off festering. Much better than the other thing. I like this little war of ours. You haven’t won yet, but you haven’t lost either.

That’s a good man. Put that razor down and make a sandwich.

Now you might wonder. What’s the reward for all this? What is the point of dueling me? Can you defeat me when you have not yet begun to fight? Don’t be insulted. I know you’re stronger. That’s why I hurt you so much.

Ah there it is. Deeper within you. Feel that heat? That bloody anger? Good. You’ll need it. Bring it with you. The next time we battle I won’t hold back or be so reasonable.

Still want an answer? What is my purpose? Weren’t you listening? I guess not. Well then. Here’s my offer. You wanna know me? You want the answer? Then keep on pushing until next we meet. And if you stand over my helpless form and if I lie down in a momentary defeat, take two strong fists and wrench the answer from my belly. It won’t kill me as I’ve said. But it means you acknowledge me.

Nothing would make me happier. O victim mine.