Monday blues? Is that the reason i see you in my bed in the middle of the night? Im so confused. I don't believe in no god or ghost or in paranormal sights. Im mostly sane though my love went in vein. But i think that's life right?
I know in my mind I'm still alright. I know the difference between grieving and hallucinations. But what's happening with me doesn't seem like neither one of those. I know the difference between being a fool while giving in to my subconscious and symptoms of sleep deprivations. But what's happening with me doesn't seem like neither one of those. I used to wake up in the morning, then i yawn, i brush ; mostly because of my habit. Then i got to fulfill my need of sustenance and try to be a little less inhuman though it's quite hard to stop it. And then shower, tv, car, job ; you know it. I was down bad , but it was alright. Life was going on at it's own pace. But then one night i got your sight. Eyes closed, body is bent like a stroke of a brush. That kind of glowing softness that can't be touched or erased. With ur hand close to your chest, you were just lying in my bed. I always ran this moment in my head, cause u know, Just in case. Whatever, seeing you I got scared, a lil bit happy maybe? Felt paralyzed, also a bit free maybe? But after that incident, after August twenty five. I kept seeing you, on my bed every night. It's April now, right? Means it's been 8 months. Sometimes it mesmerizes my mind sometimes just blunts. It makes me feel like my day's been fleeting. . I go about my day, make my dinner, i return to my bed See you sleeping. But yesterday, yesterday was different. The bed didn't look tidy, the pillows weren't set. There was motion in your silhouette. God damn, i got scared, my heart was pumping as if it was actually alive. Asking myself what would you do if you face a death you don't wanna survive? And then you screamed, i could see the inside of your mouth, deep red. What the fuck? I thought. Am I not the one who is supposed to be afraid? I didn't know what to do so i just did my job anyways. Jumped from the window. 9th floor; god it does take an awful lot of time.

The next day again i finished my works , Came into my room and there were you broken into tears. I jumped again. Never saw you sleeping after that. Every day i come, i don't ever try to chat. We look at each other, you scream i jump. Tell me why the fuck did you came back? Why why why why why why ? Beleive me honey.!! Everyday Im trying to do the only thing you asked from me. Im trying to die.