I’ve been smoking weed since I was a junior in high school. Even though that was twenty years ago, I still remember the first time I passed the dutchie to the left.

It was a Saturday night, and I was walking around with my friends Alfred, Derek, and Farid.

Derek asked if we wanted to smoke, and when the majority agreed, he pulled a joint out of his wallet.

I remember not wanting to feel left out, so I took a few tokes annnnnnd it was the best feeling ever.

Imagine a million tiny little pinpricks all over your body, but instead of feeling pain, it caused you to giggle a little.

It was an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime feeling and I’ve been smoking weed religiously ever since just to experience it again.

As you could imagine, smoking that much weed can be freaking expensive, especially if you enjoy the more boutique blends like Victoria’s Secret Leaf and Abercrombie and Ganja.

It does help that my long-time dealer, Tyrone, runs specials and promotions.

His promotions are the reason why I keep buying from him. Whenever he got a new strain that he wanted to sell, he will give you a dime bag of it for free, with a minimum purchase of an 8th.

Two days ago, he was running another one of those promotions. I asked him what the name was, and he told me that he didn’t know, but that it was organic and sustainably grown. Tyrone said that he’d been smoking it since the day before and that the high was some next-level shit.

I trusted in Tyrone’s judgment—he hasn’t steered me wrong yet—so I took it and rolled up a fat one as soon as I got home.

Tyrone was not lying. It only took three or four hits, but I had finally found that feeling I had been chasing for so long: tiny little pinpricks danced all over me. I allowed myself to sink into the couch and laughed hysterically as I watched Lucy hiccup because she took too many doses of Vitameatavegemin.

When I woke up yesterday morning and went to brush my teeth, I saw a lump on my forehead that hadn’t been there the night before. As I was staring at it, I saw a tiny stem poke out from the center of it.

Freaked out, I called Tyrone to see what the hell was in that weed. His wife picked up and said that he went to help his friend move yesterday but hasn’t come home and isn’t answering his phone. I told her that I would let her know if I heard anything and hung up.

Feeling stressed, I rolled up another joint and passed out on the couch.

I found another lump on my leg when I woke up. It hurts like hell, but the upside is that I think I don’t need to buy weed anymore because I can just grow it on myself.