I remember the feeling of the music. I remember the dissonant, metalic sounds, that came from every direction. I remember an abrassive constant drone rising from the ground. I remember something like a trumpet from above. Incoherent drums at my left. Now at my right. A terrible feel of dread and anticipation. More drums at my right. Now left. A harp in the distance. I can hear it in the distance. It is a way out, I thought. But the drone was growing, elevating. More dissonance. I thought it was impossible, I have no speakers here. I was alone. It was some kind of incredibly elaborate musical prank? But it’s beginning to feel good. My body was moving with the broken rythm of the drums. There was no pattern but it worked as if it was a pattern. Memories flooded my eyes.

The first time I saw my mother crying. The first time I felt pain. That night when It was impossible to me to explain to you why I needed time. Now it feels that time is expanding. That night I drank too much and said to much.The first time I hated my job.The first time I dissociated. Everybody screaming in my house. The first night in a hospital. That time I messaged you “I think I’m drowning”.

Knocks in my head. In the interior of my head. One two three four. Now repeat. One two three four. The most beautiful voice I have heard. “One two three four”. Please don’t stop. I need that guidance. The harp is going away and is being replaced by a guitar going all around. That’s my queue.

The first time I experienced sleep paralysis and I saw a giant spider crawling on the walls.The second time when I thought my jaw dislocated. The first time they had to remove a tumor. When my favorite toy broke and I cried and cried and couldn’t stop. Being in the car with my parents and my father shouting. He’s making us leave the car. That time I thought I saw a werewolf and then compose the most beautiful melody in the world. And then I forgot it. That one time i was sure I was going to die. That other time I wanted to die. That time you called me drunk from your ex’s apartment.

I’m on my knees. One two three four. I try to stand up. But the sound doesn’t allow me. One two three four. I crawled and crawled on the drone. The drums was giving me the directions. The guitar was giving me instructions. Left right right left right left. I feel it in my soul. But my body is not my body anymore. I’m in the music “Destiny is arriving”

A full orchestra playing a C chord around me. It’s here.

And now silence. Do you hear it? It’s nothing. Feel the comfort it brings you. Nothing embraces you.

Your head is clean. Tragedy has arrived