When my brother called me to tell me my mother was dead, I broke down completely. My mind couldn’t accept the fact that she was gone, that I would never get to see her again. If only I’d known when she’d die, I wouldn’t have treated her like that the last time I saw her.

Balled up on the ground, I cried until I couldn’t breathe anymore. My heart felt that it had lost something very important to me. I could feel an ice cold pain emanating from there, stabbing my chest like a dagger. Numerous times I found myself unable to breathe. There was so many things I wanted to do with her, and now I’ll never be able to.

I loved you mom, with my entire heart. You were my role model. The coolest single mother any child could have. I felt nothing but pride and admiration towards you. Your smile warmed my heart. And then Derick came into our lives and slowly he managed to convince you we were worthless.

Your love disappeared. I was only eight years old when you didn’t let us eat food with you at the table. You insisted we’d eat on the floor to please Derick. That is if you ever gave us any food at all. To please him you did anything, and when you found out cruelty to us made him happy you made sure to be as cruel as possible. I don’t know how many times you beat my brother, me, and my sister bloody as a show for him.

You probably forgot but she committed suicide. I couldn’t stop crying when I saw it, but you made me. You beat me till I could barely breathe, and cursed at me to be silent. I still remember you pulling her by the rope to the living room, to hang her up for Derick to see. Then you two forced us into the room, and laughed.

You were my biggest ally mother, and you stabbed me in the back in a way nobody else could. At least when Derick beat me I could accept it. I didn’t expect him to love me or nurture me, but when you did it it always hurt in a special way. The shining star of my life became what burned me.

The demons you put in me, the ones you gave me, have haunted me. But I’ve survived, and I’ve planned to get my release from these demons. The things we could have done to you whilst you were alive.

We’d beat you in the same way you did to us. We’d force you to watch Derick hanging from the rope the way Lily did. I’d beat you silent anytime you’d make so much as a noise. And when we were done with everything, we’d burn you into ashes.

Honestly, I hate life for taking you before we had the chance.