Brrrring….brrrring….brrrring….brrring

“Hello.”

“Good morning, Steven. My name is Timothy, and I am calling from Luci’s Trading LTD with a special offer just for you. If you act now, we’ll throw in a free gag and zip-ties with your purchase of chloroform.”

“Not interested.”

Steven hangs up the hotel phone and mutters, “God damn telemarketers. How the hell did they get this number in the first place.”

He finishes packing his bag and heads to the front desk.

Brrrring….brrrring….brrrring….brrrring

“Hello? Oh, he just walked up to the desk.”

The receptionist hands Steven the phone.

“Steven, it’s Timothy. I have just the thing for you. A 10-milliamp stun gun that you can’t get anywhere else.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? Is this some sick joke?”

“I assure you; this is not a joke.”

“Well, I’m not interested. Goodbye.”

Steven places the phone and room key on the counter and walks outside to hail a cab.

“To the airport, please.”

Steven is walking through a metal detector twenty minutes later when—

Brrrring….brrrring….brrrring….brrrring

“Hello? Yes, he’s right here. Hold on.”

The TSA agent hands Steven the phone.

“Timothy again. Listen, I just got off the phone with my boss, and he told me that I can throw in a free drum of hydrochloric acid and an acid-resistant barrel, perfect for dissolving bodies in.”

“What a minute; I think I know what’s going here. Is that you, Elvis? This is a phone tap, right? Did my daughter set me up? Cynthia, are you on the line?”

“Steven, I don’t know what a phone tap is, and my name is Timothy, not Elvis.”

“Look, I’ve got a flight to catch, and I don’t have time for games.”

Steven hands the phone back to the TSA agent, collects his belongings, and walks to his gate. He boards the plane shortly after.

Brrrring….brrrring….brrrring….brrrring

Steven stares at his phone in disbelief because the symbol for airplane mode is still in his notification bar.

“Steven, Timothy. You are a lucky man. I am prepared to offer you a defense attorney.”

“Ha ha ha, jokes over. I thin—”

The flight attendant walks over. “Sir, I will have to ask you to disconnect your call.”

Instead of explaining that his phone had been on airplane mode, he hung up and turned off the phone.

Steven turns his phone back on after the plane lands, and a call from his wife immediately comes through.

“Why haven’t you been answering your phone?”

Before he can respond, she continues.

“You need to get to the hospital now. Cynthia… She was sexually assaulted.”

“I’m on my way.”

Steven hangs up the phone.

Brrrring….brrrring….brrrring….brrrring

He answers.

“I’ll take the stun gun, zip-ties, and the defense attorney.”

“You’ve made a wise decision. The stun gun will be waiting for you at the hospital. The lawyer will meet you at 123 Mocking Lane.”

“But that’s not my address. Oh.”

“Thank you for shopping with Luci’s Trading LTD. Enjoy the rest of your day.”