700,000!!

That’s like 699,999 more people than me thinking this subreddit is actually good!

In the past, I’ve been told that celebrating these random milestones was dumb and the contest theme of using the subscriber count in the story was getting stale. So, first off, fuck that person, whoever that was. Second, thank you for being right about it. I’ve decided to make this contest theme something different and painful…POETRY!

That’s right!

For the 700,000 Subscribers Contest, we will be writing poems. If anyone here is a Vogon, please do not participate.

There’s no theme here. No need to use 700,000. Just write us the creepiest poem you can come up with.

Here are the contest rules!

• Contest entries must be tagged with [700,000 Subs Contest]. If there is no tag in the title, you don’t qualify. Basically, I have to use Reddit’s search feature to get the winner. If the story isn’t included in the search because it’s missing the tag, I won’t be able to find it. It’s happened in the past. If I can’t see it, I can’t declare the winner. Follow directions!

• All entries must be a poem. It doesn’t need to rhyme. It doesn’t need to follow any meters or schemes or anything. I don’t know anything a poetry so I wouldn’t be able to recognize it anyway even if you did something awesome worthy of praise. Just scare us with a poem.

• All entries must adhere to the subreddit rules. Entries not meeting the standard guidelines will be disqualified and removed—no re-submissions or edits to be re-approved allowed.

• Multiple entries are allowed so long as you’ve waited the 24 Hour posting period.

• Previous contest winners are allowed to participate and may select which flair to continue with should they win the contest.

• Upvotes determine the winners.

For the sake of fairness, authors with a fan base or following, please submit your stories under a throwaway account. We would like this contest to remain fair and open to all authors participating. Having a fan base and/or social media platform is a massive advantage. It takes away from the spirit of competition. While I do not wish to outright name those who should be posting under a throwaway, I’m going to put it into the hands of those who know they’ve got their following and fan base to abide by this stipulation on an honor system. If this isn’t meant, future contests will have rules outlining who requires a throwaway and who does not.

• Due to questions about the who should do throwaways and who shouldn’t, popular authors may now use their normal usernames. However, they are ineligible to win another contest for the span of 1 year. This is to allow others without fanbases the opportunity to win.

• If there are any ties or Reddit’s vote fudging makes determining a placement too tricky, authors will split the placement, and the next highest upvoted story will get the subsequent placement.

• If a single author claims multiple Top 5 placements, the next highest upvoted story will be added to the winners circle among authors. We don’t want to punish good writers for placing multiple times, but we also don’t want to have an entire winners circle made up of the same person or people. Some contests in the past have had up to 7+ authors included in the winner’s circle due to ties and multiple placements.

TL;DR:

I didn’t type this all out for you to skip it. Read. Absorb. Obey.

Top Winner Prizes:

Contest starts as soon as you finish reading this and ends June 7th at 11:59 PM Eastern Time.

Good luck!

Questions? Comments? Congratulations? Leave it below!