If you’re a parent, you’ll understand. You’ll know why I had to do it.

​

Because you would do anything for your child. Anything. No matter what they do or who they become, you’ll always love and protect them. It’s like a string, you know? An unseen attachment that's always there, an invisible bond that can never be broken.

​

I remember when I first told my son about the string. See, he was afraid of the dark when he was younger. So much so that he would wake up screaming for me nearly every night with his eyes streaming, frightened by the shadows in his room that were morphed into terrifying monsters through the eyes and mind of a small child. So one night I sat on the edge of his bed and told him all about the invisible string that tethered us.

​

“…So whenever you get scared, just remember that I’m always right here with you,” I’d smiled, patting his tiny chest, “If you need me I’ll be here, just give that string a tug. And know that you are so very, very loved.”

​

And it worked. Just like that, his nightmares went away. But of course, I'd be lying to you if I said that I truly believed that there was a string connecting us. In my mind it was just a fanciful way to assuage his night terrors.

​

This was years ago, many years. Long enough that I had all but forgotten about our bedtime routine from his toddler days. So when I felt it yesterday, this strange tugging feeling on my heart, I didn't realize what it was at first. It was persistent though. Each time it seemed to pull a little harder, until my mind was flooded with visions of my son's innocent face, peering up at me helplessly. And I knew that he needed me.

​

If you aren't a parent I don't expect you to understand.

​

Because it's true- my son has done awful, terrible things. He's hurt people. He's killed people. He's sick in the head. But no one deserved the cruel fate he'd been dealt.

​

I can only imagine what it was like for him, to be locked away like that. To be kept from everyone he had ever known or loved. To be restrained. To be treated like a monster. No, he never deserved any of it, not even for a second.

​

So I freed him.

​

It took a lot of planning. It took a lot of risk to get to him. But I couldn't let them keep him there while I knew how afraid he was. All he really needs is me.

​

Because he is still my child. Even though his flesh has rotted away, even though his eyes are wild and savage, even though his teeth never stop gnashing, even though the heart in his chest has stopped beating- I know that he's in there somewhere, pulling at my string.