“Hon, are you seeing him too?”

“Yeah, John, I see him,” Mary Ann responded back, staring into their doorway.

It was a skeleton. A whole skeleton, dressed in a blue, pin-striped apron.

He had announced himself at their door with three hollow raps. A sharp tap-tap-tap in quick succession.

They flinched as the skeleton started talking.

“Hiya, folks! How are you fine fellas doing on this lovely July morning? My name is Scully,” he just about shouted. He spoke like a 50s game show host, and he moved like one, too.

When he spoke, his lower mandible just flapped, like a hand puppet.

John would’ve laughed at how comedic it looked, that is, if he weren’t frozen in abject terror.

“Oh dear. I must’ve startled you two. Is it my complexion? I know I’m a bit pale, but I swear I have a great heart!” he said, gesturing to his chest.

“Whoops! I guess I don’t after all!” he said, and laughed.

The couple didn’t laugh.

“Uh, Scully, right? What, uh, brings you to our home?” Mary Ann asked tentatively.

“I’m glad you asked, Ma’am! I’m a salesman,” he said, gesturing to a little cart behind him parked on their lawn. “I sell everything, and I mean everything, even myself!”

He held up his arm, and the couple saw he had prices carved into each of his own bones.

“Well, we, uh, aren’t interested in buying. But, thank you for stopping by?” Mary Ann said, grabbing for the door handle.

“Wait, wait! Ma’am!” Scully yelled. “I also buy! Anything! I’ll buy anything!”

“That’s a fine belt you’ve got, sir! I’ll pay $750 for it!”

John turned. “Really?”

”John!” Mary Ann whispered.

”This thing was $12 bucks! I can get a new one!“ he replied.

“That’s not-”

“Deal. I’ll sell it.” John said, removing the belt.

“Thank you, Sir,” Scully said, pulling out cash from his wallet with his bare phalanges.

“Now, for the exchange.” Scully said, peering into their house.

“E-exchange?” John stuttered.

“Yes. I payed you money, I get one of your things. It’s written on the sign.”

“But my belt-“

“A formality! I wouldn’t be a good salesman if I just gave you money. Did you think I’d pay $750 for a, what, $12 belt?”

“You need to leave my property,” John said, trying to pull the door closed.

“I’ve decided! I’ll take… those!” Scully said, pointing directly at Mary Ann’s chest.

“You perverted, creepy-“ she started before falling to the floor.

She started making awful choking sounds and clutched her chest as blood flowed from her mouth.

“Mary Ann!” John screamed. “What did you-“

“Lovely!” Scully held what looked like a gallon pickle jar.

In it, a fresh, pink pair of lungs.

“I’ve already sold mine, you see.” he said.

“Well, it was a pleasure doing business, John, Mary Ann!”

He waved goodbye to the couple, one still kneeling, the other growing cold, and carted away until John could no longer hear the soft rattle of bones.