I’ve been suffering from depression for a long time, and it’s mostly been fueled by a life full of regrets.

From not standing up for myself when Jessica spread rumors about me to not asking Kyle to senior prom.

Constantly thinking about all the things that I wished I could have done differently just pulled me further into a sea of solitude and desperation.

I hit rock bottom after my second attempt at taking my own life and finally decided to seek professional help.

They told me that if I focused on my regrets as I went to sleep, I would be able to confront them and, hopefully, move on.

So, that night, as I ran my fingers across the oldest scar on my wrist, allowing sleep to take me, I thought about how I felt when I saw the picture of Kyle and Jessica arm in arm, smiling from ear to ear. I thought about how I loved Kyle so much and how I wished I could tell him. I thought about how it could have been me in that picture, smiling ear to ear because Kyle and I just shared our first kiss.

I went to sleep thinking about the hopelessness that I felt that night and when I woke up the following morning, I was in an unfamiliar bed, in an unfamiliar room. I touched my wrist, as I often do most mornings, and the tribute to my hopelessness was gone.

While I was rubbing my wrist, trying to understand what happened, Kyle walked into the bedroom, wearing only his skin.

I should’ve been scared, but it felt like I belonged there, and I did not protest when he climbed into bed and entered me.

As we made love, memories started flooding my mind. Memories of our first kiss, the first time we had sex, and of us saying I do.

As the day progressed, more memories came to me, and I was slowly piecing together a life I hadn’t lived.

We made love again last night, but it was different. It was painful—not physically, but emotionally. I didn’t know why I felt a wave of fresh regret and I went to sleep thinking about how I caught Kyle cheating on me with Jessica and all I could do was just cry.

I thought about how, after kicking him out, I let him sweet talk his way back in only for me to catch him cheating again.

I thought about how I hated that fucking cunt whore Jessica and wished I stood up for myself.

I thought about the hopelessness that I felt and how the third scar hurt the most.

As the guards announce that visiting hours are over and Kyle prepares to leave, I think about how I used to have a life of regrets and how now I only have one.