Death does not come easy to those who await its sweet embrace. A broken mind and a broken soul only wishes for it to be loved and appreciated. For it just to be shown how much it is cared for and how much it is worth to someone. Without shame, without judgment, without conditions and limitations.

How does one cope with being broken time and again. How does he keep the demons at bay, without having them torment every thought of his. The answer is simple. He can’t. The bitter sweet taste of nicotine and the pleasure derived from physical pain is the only way to stay away from the insanity.

It’s always interesting when someone says they care and understand and then turn right around in the same sentence to condemn you to your torturous thoughts. Saying they love you and then walking away without a word. They know your mental state. They know how much it kills you to see them not care. They know how much you want to die.

I always thought that this was a phase of life. That it would pass. Years have gone by, yet the demons still linger. Here they are, having infested every part of my mind. Every imagination of my thoughts. As much as I belong to these devils. They now belong to me. They have dug so deep that they have filled the void that was in this broken soul.

A soul that is longing for love. A soul that is longing so much for it to be appreciated, that it has now become an obsession. Why does it hurt so much when it is not appreciated? Why does it push this poor soul so far to the edge that it is losing a part of its mental stability?

I am afraid of what comes next. I am terrified of what kind of sweet pain and beautiful torture that I will put myself through.

All I know is….

Death does not come easy. Death does not come fast.