I’m stuck in a hole. The hole isn’t large enough for me to sit in, or lie down in. The walls press up against my back and chest, forcing me to stay standing. It’s very uncomfortable, and I’d like to get out, but I don’t know how.

I don’t even know how I fell into this hole. I could only guess. It wasn’t one act that did it, not one thing which made me start falling. It’s more of a slow descent. I was just going deeper and deeper, and then when I tried to turn back, when I realized that I didn’t like this, I found that there was a wall behind me.

When I think back to it. I wonder how I could be so stupid to let myself walk down here, but the truth is, I wasn’t stupid. I walked deeper because the other people wouldn’t accept me. That was of no fault of my own.

Sometimes people look at me and laugh. They mock me for being so dirty, for being so thirsty, for being so hungry, for looking so tired. Some try to be empathetic. They tell me that if I want to have a good life, I should walk like the rest of them. Everybody that’s not stuck in a hole is walking after all.

I’m afraid that one day I’ll grow so used to being in this hole that I forget how it was when I wasn’t in this hole. Occasionally somebody sits down to talk. It’s almost always out of pity after they realize that I am stuck in this hole and that I can’t get out. I’ll tell them about it. I’ll tell them of my hope, to be walking like everybody else.

How will that happen?

I don’t know. If life continues how it has gone, it’s only reasonable that I’ll stay stuck in this uncomfortable hole for the rest of my life. That idea terrifies me. I know I haven’t accepted it. There are other parts to the brain then the logical one, and those parts still believe in a better future. They have hope, but slowly, that hope dwells.

And even if I get out of this hole, I’ll never be the same person I was before. When somebody tall and prosperous, far away from the ground, comes and talks to me, I’ll think there’s a nefarious reason behind it. Afterall. I’m just the man stuck in a hole. Why would anybody want anything to do with me?

I’m like the dirt around me.