Dad slapped me today.

"For the last time. Man up. And stop fucking crying."

I remember summer cicadas screaming into my ears which almost made my ears explode.

—

I found out that dad locks a collection of guns in a bedside cabinet. Maybe thats why he always left a key on his bedside table. He loves hunting, and he's got all kinds of guns, not just hunting guns. Like Glocks. Pistols.

—

Mom got me a new pet turtle after the old one died. Its name is Goliath.

I like flipping its shell, gently tossing it, making sure I can catch it in the air. Sometimes I fail and it drops on the ground. I flick its tail and feet with my fingers sometimes. Homeschooling is kinda boring. Then, Goliath's head and feet retreat like a robot toy that doesn't even need a battery to work.

I go on Instagram on my iPad sometimes and fidget toys were all the rage. Goliath is my fidget.

—

Goliath died today. I was looking out the opened window, staring at the apple tree. It kinda always stood outside the school just opposite of the house, and the sparrows always perch there.

I was tapping its shell against the table with my palm, then I heard mom opening the door. Few seconds later, I felt a gooey mess.

"David! What are you doing!"

She screamed so loud she scared the sparrows away. I never ever heard a sound like that before. But the apples were definitely ripe.

—

Mom told me today, that I used to play with whatever I got my hands on.

When I was around 2 years old I used to swing a table knife during dinner. One time it flew in front of my dad and almost sliced his chest. Mom said, the way I giggled after that "scared the piss out of him".

—

Dad took me hunting today. I remember him being so patient like a cannon hiding in a bush, waiting to strike. He shot the deer down and it's like it turned from a life into an object in just 1 second.

Dad said "this is called being a man." I told him that I want to be a hunter. I want to be a man like him.

Tonight, dad, mom, and I had some of the best wild venison for dinner.

—

Dad's cabinet is unlocked today.

I wanted to start with the smaller game. The sparrows outside the school. And I waited until the right moment to strike. My body went pump, pump, pumping every second that passed.

I shot the tree 3 times. Not one sparrow died. They all got scared away.

I did hear some screams from the playground inside. That gave me energy, because I'm a man now.

I felt like I could do anything.