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Good evening, this is Wendy Lee with crime Scene Action News, the only live-streamed pirate news show that will let you see the crime scene before the authorities do.
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Kent Stockton is live at the scene of a possible crime.
Kent, what can you tell us?
…..
…….
Kent, can you hear me?
………..
Yes. I can hear you now.
Good evening, Wendy; I am standing in front of Lucille’s Body Shop, where a concerned citizen reported hearing weird noises.
Do you hear them now?
No, Wendy, I do not, but there is a trail of blood leading to the main entrance. The door is open, and I’m going to investigate.
Be careful!
It leads to a back office. It’s getting wider as it goes, as if someone had collapsed and proceeded to drag themselves the rest of the way.
Oh no! I hope they’re okay.
The door is ajar, and there are bloody handprints on the frame and doorknob.
My god Wendy! There’s a man, and he’s slumped over in the corner.
Call the police and tell them to get here quickly. There’s so much blood.
123 Main Street Road.
They’re on their way.
Sir, can you hear me? Help is on the way.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Wendy, there’s a massive chunk of flesh missing. It looks like an animal bit right down to the bone. Can you see that?
Oh my gosh! What could do that?
I have no idea.
He’s starting to come to.
Sir, don’t worry; I’m here to help.
Wendy, his eyes are clouded over.
Hey, let go of me!
Kent, what’s happening?
He just grabbed me.
WHAT THE FUCK!
HE FUCKING BIT ME!
Kent!
ARRRRRRGH!
KENT!
GET THE FUCK O—
“Are you tired of being rejected? Do you cringe when someone calls you an incel or a ‘nice guy?’ If so, we have the solution for you.”
“It’s called growing the fuck up. Reevaluate your lifestyle choices and stop being a fucking pussy, you fucking creep. Just because she smiled at you—after you stared at her for 20 minutes—doesn’t mean she wants to jump your bone. Grow. The. Fuck. Up. And shave that Cheeto-stained beard.”
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Hey! Stop right there, or I’ll shoot.
Is that a GoPro on his head?
Reynolds, there’s another one, and he’s covered in blood.
Johnson, call for backup.
Officers in need of assistance at 123 Main Street Road.
Get on the ground!
This is your final warning!
*bang*
*bang*
*bang*
LET GO OF ME!
JOHNSON!
ARRRRRRGH!
REYNOLDS!
*bang*
*bang*
*bang*
ARRRRRRRRRRGH!
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