Falling from a height has always been a horror for me. The vertigo sets in whenever I’m a few floors up. I couldn’t imagine jumping out of a plane or bungee jumping.

My friend told me about his homemade oil. How it calmed him down, allowed him to do the things he never could have because of anxiety. After a lengthy discussion, he gave me 30ml, and told me to take a few drops until I felt the results.

Naturally, I live in a single storey house. The thought of that second floor is enough to put me on edge. It even stopped me going to work. Now I work from home.

In the comfort of my armchair, I slipped a few drops under my tongue and waited for the sweet release I was told would come.

But, after 20 minutes, it didn’t feel anything. So, I sucked up a full 1ml, and tried again. Maybe it was my active mind not allowing the oil to take control. My hands did start to tingle though, but nothing more, so I took another hit and sat back. Nothing, although the tingle moved up my arms into my shoulders. Again, another full serve. An hour in, and half the bottle was consumed.

The walls started to shimmer. The TV’s black mirror melted away allowing a view of my street and an arching rainbow so beautiful I had to go and see it.

My feet carried me forward without my mind directing them. Trees bloomed in fantasmal colours. Reds. Yellows. Greens brighter than I had ever seen. The rainbow pulled me forward. Up the street stretching to a city block.

Grey concrete buildings pulsed with sprays of colour so inviting I had to check them out. Had to touch them to feel that glorious glow. Like needles of ecstasy pricking skin.

I drifted up the stairs, fingers tracing the walls as I climbed. Licks of colour penetrating my skin and adding to the euphoria. Soon I stood before the rainbow. Arms outstretched. Pleading for it to touch me so I could know what it felt like hanging below the sun.

It was just there. Just beyond my grasp. The colours drained out like a water painting. Murky runs of browns and greys.

Jump. Catch the rainbow!

The voice was my own. My tone. Clear as a bell.

Jump

Fear inched in between the rainbow, now a ruddy red. The skies a purple streaked with blots of white. I knew the voice wasn’t mine. Knew it in my bones. Was the rainbow calling me?

I had to know. I had to feel it.

My friend said the oil would calm my mind. But it hasn’t. It has expanded it.

I’m not afraid of heights anymore. Not when I can fly.