Not much. Just a little bit, enough to keep them nice and quiet in the crucial 4-6pm period when Harry comes home.

Harry is a great dad, a great provider and please don’t think he’s abusive or any nonsense like that. He wouldn’t hurt a fly- in fact he’s converted to Buddhism (I apologize if that’s not the correct terminology). And that’s why he’s become very insistent that he needs the time 4-5 to meditate and for the house to be quiet just after he comes home. It’s not much to ask for, I know, and he works very hard (well, I do too, but his job is much more important than mine) and god knows everybody could do with an hour meditation quiet time.

It’s just that- I’m sure all parents know, 3:45-5:30 is exactly the period when all hell seems to break loose – the boys get in from school, for some reason they act as though they’re starving, they’re raging, they’re not tired at all! Oh no! And sunny days it’s fine because I can push them in the yard though Harry says he can still hear them. Or they can play videogame but even that sounds loud and upsetting. Harry gets in just after 4:30, and they seem to get extra loud. And ever since he’s converted to Buddhism and made the spare room into a shrine? Temple? Meditation room? I don’t know, but he locks himself in there for a full hour and says he must not be disturbed.

But then the other day the boys were kicking a ball and got into a fight or something and Harry came down and screamed and punched a wall. I was very upset and the boys were quiet for a bit, although they seemed to perk up again after 10 minutes.

I got some sleeping pills, Harry doesn’t know about it but my sleep hasn’t been so good lately- well forever it seems, and I’ve been thinking about crushing one and divvying it up in their afterschool snacks- how bad can it be? Maybe they’ll nap a bit in front of their game – they have so much energy to spare, it won’t hurt them.

At least, it will hurt them far less than Harry is going to, I’ve his eyes when he looks at us, at me and the boys, and I know – no, oh what am I saying he would never hurt us, but those boys would try the patience of a saint.

It’s just to keep them quiet, for their own good. Just a sprinkle of drugs in their apple juice. If they’re quiet, it will keep them safe from Harry.