That headline in our local news makes me angry in so many ways.

First, how dare they? Second, I belong to an ethnic minority, and I feel unsafe with literal Nazis in my area. Third, we travelled a long way, to settle somewhere safe, a peaceful place to bring up our children, and now Nazis are buying property here? Fourth, how dare they???

One of the properties I know well, just on the other side of an old lane by ours. It was on the market for years, this not exactly being a desirable location, until the pandemic hit and the property prices skyrocketed. City folk and foreigners from all over the world move to quaint rural spots just like ours, looking for safety and freedom from disease. This place went for well over the asking price. I was vaguely curious but we keep ourselves to ourselves in this part of the world, which of course intensified in the pandemic.

I first heard their children had “funny accents”, “but they’re white” from my own, and later I heard they were German. Then the next thing is they’re fucking Nazis, and more are on their way, if the local news is to be believed.

I go to check it out.

There is a spot on the lane with a perfect view of their house. I accidentally have my birdwatching binoculars, and peer inside their house.

What I saw was not reassuring. Confederate flags are not unfortunately that rare, but actual swastikas are not a sight I had yet seen in this part of the world. I can’t decide if that is more upsetting, or the cache of arms casually placed in sight.

I don’t hear the footsteps behind me. A voice with a heavy Germanic accent says “Good day to you”. I give an unmanly little shriek.

“You see the interesting bird?”

“What?” I stammer.

He gestures at my binoculars. “I see the titmarsh yesterday. Titmarsh that is only living here.” He pauses. “It is /native/“.

Desperately I say “I set up a new chicken coop this week.”

He nods seriously. “Very nice. Native art here is very nice. I am buying, some day I show you” Then he walks away.

That evening, I go on our private area facebook group, and describe our interaction. Comments appear “That’s awful!” “Please be careful”.

The morning sun shines on an unprintable racial slur, spray-painted scarlet on our chicken coop. I call my family, we stand around the chicken coop, and talk. Then, we make calls.

My wife and kids visit them with a bottle of wine, a casserole and cookies. They will eat – Nazis have good appetites.

Within the hour, everybody gathers at their house. They are groggy and unable to resist, we gently help them out and put them in the yard. Then we set fire to the house.

The flames climb up to the summer sky. Hopefully they will understand they will need to leave.