[ad_1]

Part 3

I looked away. “Yeah, she’s fine now.”

“What was the emergency?”

My head turned and our eyes met. “You’re being talkative today.” He lifted his hand and pushed his thumb into my lower lip. I sighed and moved closer to him, letting one of my legs rest on top of his. “She had a bad breakup.”

“Sucks.”

“I guess. He was an asshole. She can do better.”

“Sometimes assholes are okay,” Colin said. “Depends on the type of asshole.”

I was amused and sat up to look down at him so I could see his face. “There are types?”

“Yep,” he said, reaching to rub my nipple. I held back a gasp. “All different kinds.”

Maybe it was the way he was looking at me, or that he was stoking that ever-burning fire inside of me by caressing my breasts, or that I was tired of swallowing down all the words I wanted to say. “What are we doing here, Colin?”

He looked like he might speak for a moment. Then he tugged me down and dragged me up his chest, squeezing my upper arms when the gasp I’d been fighting came from my mouth. He kissed me deeply, the sort of kiss I wondered about when xeroxing or shopping for groceries, the kind that got me wet in all kinds of inappropriate locations.

“Right now,” he said, wrapping his fist around my long blonde hair, “we’re fucking.”

I let his touches chase away the aching of my heart and told myself it was enough.

*****

My mother died on a Tuesday. It wasn’t sudden–she had been sick for a while–but it still felt sudden to me. My father called me and told me to rush to the hospital, but I was too late. I was able to be with her for a few minutes before they wheeled her away to wherever they brought bodies. The basement? I remember thinking about how she hated being alone. Now she would be alone on cold metal, and eventually in a grave.

dad was speaking to someone, a doctor or a nurse, but I stood there blinking at a mounted hand sanitizer dispenser. Losing your mother is a lonely, frightening thing. I had never been more aware I was an adult, a lonely adult, than at that moment. To know I would never speak to her was an angry, devastated pang in my chest and stomach. I hadn’t cried yet and I couldn’t figure out it. I should have been wailing like the baby she brought into the world thirty-two years ago. I was inside, but I needed to cry. I needed to scream.

Someone approached me. I looked up and Colin was there. “How did you know?” I heard myself asking.

He didn’t reach for me or hug. He stood before me, his heavy stare comforting me more than any touch. He also didn’t answer me; I assumed that the office receptionist told him.

“Why did you come?”

His thumb pressed below my eye. I was finally crying. “Don’t be stupid,” he said.

*****

I saw him at the bookstore one evening. He didn’t notice me. He stood in front of my favorite author, touching the spines of her novels with his fingertips.

*****

When we reached the year mark and more and more of my friends were settling down with partners, I decided I couldn’t wait anymore. Somewhere along the line I had fallen in love with Colin and it was getting harder and harder to tell myself I wasn’t.

And I knew Colin. I did. I might not have known how he preferred his steak, or if he liked the beach, or if he wanted to get married to someone and have kids, but I knew he sang in the shower when he wondered I couldn’t hear him. I knew that he talked in his sleep. I knew he was afraid of lightning, though he tried to hide it. I knew there was a deep vulnerability and kindness inside of him that he tried to cover with stoicism.

I loved every part of him and I wanted to be with him. I wasn’t gonna tell him. It would change everything. I knew he couldn’t love me back. He told me once he wasn’t meant for love or relationships, and I read between the lines to figure out he would never allow himself to be open to one. He had a rough childhood with absent, borderline abusive parents. He couldn’t risk loving and depending on someone again.

I got all of that. I wouldn’t push him. I would take the parts of himself he offered as the gifts they were.

Colin walked into my place that night almost angry. He barely let me speak before he had me bent over the couch. My leggings and panties were dragged down my thighs and then he shocked me–he spanked me hard on my left cheek. It wasn’t the first time we indulged in a little spanking, but he had done so lightly enough that I told him twice he could hit me harder. And now, unprompted, he was.

“You’ve been teasing me all goddamn day knowing I couldn’t do anything about it because I was so busy.” He spanked me again. “You’re such a slut at work, did you know that? With your fucking dresses and heels, watching me all day like you’re hungry for it.” He pulled my head back with a fist in my hair when I didn’t answer. “Answer me.”

“Yes,” I choked. “Yes, I am.”

“Say it. Say you’re a hungry slut.” He spanked me harder and faster. My ass burned under his hand.

“I’m a h–” I broke off at a particularly brutal smack. “I’m a hungry… hungry slut.”

He stopped spanking me. The zip of his fly lowering made my pussy tighten. I felt his bare cock against my enflamed ass, sliding against the smooth skin and catching between my cheeks. “I’m going to fuck your ass one day soon, since you’re always teasing me with it. Would you like that?”

My cheeks burned even as I said, “Yes.”

He pushed it through and up my clenched cheeks and dropped down over my back, groaning into my hair. “I want you every day.”

“Me too.”

“No, Jessica. You’re not hearing me. I want you every day. All of you. Do you like music? I never know how to ask. What to ask. I’m not a warm person like you.”

“What?”

“I want you. What don’t you understand?”

And then he was pushing hard and deep inside, fucking me fast and cruel right away, and all I could figure out was I was gonna come soon. The spanking obviously had done something, just like his words. What had he meant? I couldn’t let myself hope. Just feel.

I hoped anyway.

He felt it, the approaching orgasm that was gonna devastate me, and ground roughly into me. “I’m gonna come,” he warned, “right inside you. Can’t hold back.”

“Please. Please. Colin.”

We came at the same time, a rarity. It was so good. My pussy couldn’t stop fluttering around him, and he wouldn’t stop fucking me through it. When we were both done but trembling, he rested his head against my collarbone.

“I meant it. I want you.”

I wrapped my arms around him and smiled at the ceiling. “You have me.”

NSFW: yes

[ad_2]