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Once upon a time, there was a very sexy dutch clog. It was so sexy, that every human in the world wanted to have sex with it.

It is unknown how the clog had become that sexy, but the fact was that this clog was the most erotic thing on the planet. Mere mention of it in conversation could cause erections, and looking at a picture of it was enough to make people orgasm for hours. This, of course, was merely a trifle, compared to the ecstasy of actually having intercourse with the clog, but of course that pleasure was reserved for the rich and powerful.

Naturally, the existence of this clog caused great changes in society. The so-called “adult entertainment” industry, for example, practically ceased to exist overnight when someone uploaded a copyright-free picture of the clog on Reddit. Birthrates dropped sharply across the board, because more and more people found the act of sexual intercourse with a human being to be tedious and dreary when compared to fantasizing about the dutch clog. It was theorized back then that future generations would grow up without an understanding of the concept of “sexual orientation”, because from the beginning of their sexual awakening, all their erotic energy would be exclusively focused on the clog.

Alas, one day the owner of the clog decided to move it from one place to the other, without even taking the basic precaution of getting the army to cordon off the intended route. Inevitably, disaster ensued. Within minutes of leaving their compound, the tank which transported the clog was surrounded by crazed clog-lovers, who, armed with nothing but dutch clogs and the power of desire, tore open the armored hatch and extracted the small safe in which the clog rested. What follows has been variously described as a “mixture of an orgy, a football riot and a civil war”, and as “a gigantic meatball of thirty thousand horny people wrestling with one another”. Neither description does the horror of the original scene justice.

When, after several days, the crowd finally dispersed, thirty people lay dead, hundreds were wounded and most of the participants were seriously sexually frustrated. What was worse however, was that the clog had been squashed into small splinters.

The following weeks can only be described as a period of collective depression. Suicide rates spiked, psychiatrists had to work overtime and an immeasurable number of people became alcoholics or drug-addicts during this time. Only the Pope and a few manufacturers of antidepressants were happy. But even as something like normalcy returned to the world, the sexual desires of man were gone forever. Despite the best efforts of scientists and public educators, fewer and fewer children were born. Within a century, homo sapiens had died out and left the planet to the animals, who, because they were not sentient, never produced clogs and therefore lived happily ever after.

NSFW: yes

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