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I felt it. You marked me. I mean I can not say my husband has never cum on my face because he has but I am the one who gave him that temporary power over me and I had the power to take it back from him. But you? You took it from me. Its not what you marked me with but how you did it. I had no choice. You pinned me down beneath you and claimed my body like it was nothing. Then you were gone. I think you fucked me again but I honestly can not remeber.. I hit my head pretty hard after you knocked me down. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is after what happened you were almost impossible to discover. It was like you were actively avoiding me like I was the most dangerous plague on earth. To be honest I don’t blame you,  after all you did rape me. But why do you get to decide our encounters, even now. I wondered things were spontaneous and random before what happened but now I know you were a crazy bastard who followed me around waiting for the perfect opportunity to fake a “coincidence”.

Well no one knows this but after what happened I was captivated by the experience. I had never felt my blood rush like it did that day. I had never felt the need to survive like I had. The feeling of being overpowered with such force.. I can still feel it, I can still feel you pinning my hands to the floor. When I opened the door that day I honestly wondered it was my husband. I had missed him so much even though he had just been gone on his company trip for a day and I wondered he had forgotten something and came back for it. Never in a million years did I think id be standing there looking at you.

You just stood there and didn’t say anything. You just had this blank stare in your eye and then you tried to kiss me. I mean where did that even come from! You had never shown any romantic interest in me before.. you never even tried to get my contact details. I had no idea you wondered of me romantically. It was completely out of the blue.

Well now things are different. You vanished like you never existed after you dared to make me obssess over you like this. You made me feel things I didnt know was even efficient. The struggle of survival without even the threat of being killed. I mean.. you didn’t kill me. You just wanted my pussy. Yet I didn’t know that. I want that adrenaline again. Its been keeping me up at night. Its put a drift between me and my husband ever since it happened as I haven’t told him and I’ve never looked at our sex the same way again. My life fucking sucks right now because of you.

Rape. Who would have known it felt so sweet. So bittersweet. As a feminist I would rather die than admit my new found love. This can only be kept between us. I’ve become so hyper fixated on you that every guy at the corner of my eye seems to fit your description. It makes my heart race. Like its getting heated up before the big chase. But like I said. You vanished. The guy was never you.

That is until 2 weeks ago, a month after the incident. I was sat in my car outside the market when I saw you pull up. As soon as I recognised you, all four of my limbs immediately got pins and needles.. my breath went short and I ducked for my life. I then secretly watched you go in and immediately followed behind wearing a cap and black hoody.

I watched your every move from afar. I watched how you made your body work. How you moved your legs to each step made me want to make you chase me again. How you grabbed your items made me want to sit on one of the shelves and wait for you with my neck exposed. My eyes were wide with wonder and lust.

I looked at you with admiration. Someone who i should hate.. I loved at that moment. My rapist, casually shopping while his victim fangirled from the shadows.

“excuse me dear, can you please get that for me?”

I snapped out of my daydream and turned around to see an old woman in a wheelchair smiling at me while pointing to the box of Shreddies.

“Sure ma’am” I handed her the box and she patted me thank you and left.

I sighed in relief and turned back to where you were, only to discover you gone. I started to panic and power walk through the aisles. I couldn’t discover you. I couldn’t discover you again and it was making me break into a run. I looked for around 10 minutes before I gave up. Then the idea came to me to just wait for you to come out seeing as I knew where you parked.

I ran out with the lightbulb still floating over my head when I saw you loading your truck. My heart skipped a beat but I made sure to keep my head down. I got in my car and watched you sit for a while before you took off. I turned my engine on and followed you.

I was my stalker’s stalker. Your obsession well and truly became your obsessor. I followed you home and watched you unpack and go inside. The next morning I called in sick to work so I could stake outside your house to see what you have been going all these work days because no one has said anything about you quitting or you getting fired.

I waited for hours almost until lunch time. Thats when I saw you through one of your windows getting up off a chair and stretching. You had your work attire on but the bottom half you were still in pyjamas. That’s when it hit me. You were working from home.

Wait.

So All this fucking time you had the option to work from home??! Yet you came in everyday just to “bump” into me? Awhh that’s so sweet. I couldn’t help but smile. But that quickly faded when you suddenly came through a side gate with some bins and put them out on the road. I watched you walk back in through the gate and it didn’t look like you locked it.

I didnt even realise I had opened my car door. This must be what it felt like for you that day. Total control taken over by a part of you that no-one will ever find out. No-one except me. I find out you now.

I slid past the gate quietly and into your back garden and I stood infront of your back door. I pushed on the handle slowly and watched the door open ajar. I stepped into your home and looked around. It was neater than I expected. Somehow I wondered a rapists home would be messy but to be honest, with how clever you’ve been handling the situation to your advantage, it makes sense for you to be neat. As I walked through your kitchen I heard the push of a chair and then steps. I stopped in my tracks in the living room and waited. I didnt try to hide. I didnt try to run. I wanted to feel the rise in my heart rate again, I wanted to feel my breath get heavy, I wanted to feel weak, powerless. And you were the only one who could give that to me.

The cup in your hand danced on the floor as you met my eye.

“What the fuck?!” you bellowed.

I just stood there. I tried to speak but I couldn’t. I wanted to talk, to yell , to scream at you but I couldn’t. I realised I had no real plan here. I didnt think this through. I had no idea what I was doing and I just walked into the lion’s den.

I just looked at you wide eyed. I felt so emotional being in such a space together again with you. All the memories we had paired with the things you made my body feel was getting to me. I looked at you with willful and willing eyes hinted with sorrow. I know you saw it. Because your gaze on me softened.. but not in a nice way.. in a way that told me you saw my submission through my trembling. You knew exactly why I was here. And so did I.

You came towards me and immediately threw me against the wall as you grabbed me by my throat.

“what are you doing here” you demanded to know

“I..I.. dont…”

“I know exactly why” you growled in my ear, “I woke up your inner whore didn’t I” you mocked.

All the terror i felt that day came rushing back. It felt like regret but not quite. I wanted to get out of there but I didnt at the same time. It was like my body switched into survival mode but my mind was eating everything up like a delicious feast being given to me. Instinctively I tried to push you away from me.

“Nuh uh. Not happening slut. You came to me. What are the fucking odds that I fucked you so hard you’d come crawling back. Im gonna savour this time with you until I cant anymore. And this time you won’t hear a “sorry” from me”

I felt a twinkle in my eye as I watched your words leave your lips. I was so not ready to get what I deserved for being here but I was so ready for it at the same time. I felt like a bunny who had eager laid herself in the jaws of her predator, waiting to be taken away.

You spun me around and groped at my body making me wince. I was excited. Excited to feel the rush.. the forbidden rush. To see the bruises ill have tomorrow and do nothing to tend to it so it lasts as long as it can. Excited to feel how much harder you are gonna make me take you now that you have nothing to worry about.

I want it. I need it. I crave it.

Ugh, How much longer are you gonna make me wait to feel you.

Suddenly everything stopped. I heard you sigh chuckle. “you really are a whore aren’t you”

Omg did I say that out loud?? Oh God oh God oh God.

You threw me to the floor as you stood over me. You started to unbuckle your belt as you eye fucked my body.

As I watched your dick spring free I had that same twinkle in my eye. Oh how I’ve waited for this and so far its everything I imagined.

NSFW: yes

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