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It’s absolute torture. I can hardly imagine any pain worse than this. It’s physical. It’s emotional. It’s spiritual. It breaks you inside.

My husband hasn’t fucked me in months. At first I believed him. He was tired. Headaches. Back pain. You name it. He had it. Soon enough, though, I caught on. Something else was wrong.

He didn’t want me. I asked. He denied. Just a lot of on his mind, he said. Don’t give up on me. Keep trying. And so I kept trying.

One night I put on my best lingerie. The desire in my loins almost hurtful. I sat on his lap. Tried to kiss him. He shooed me away. Didn’t even look. He used to love my boobs. He’d kiss them, he’d bite them. Nothing. Not even a casual glance.

That night, as he fell asleep, I cried. I fucked myself. Curled in the bed, I fucked myself. I tried to keep quiet. Like it mattered. Like he cared. I came. Once. Twice. Three times. Eventually I stopped. The hunger in my loins, as strong as it was before. But I was too sore to keep going. I cried through each orgasm. Warm tears running down my cheeks. I couldn’t please myself. And he refused to.

I kept trying. Each night hornier than the night before. I wore sexy lingerie. I wore nothing. I begged. I teased. I offered him a blowjob. Nothing. He refused everything.

One night I screamed at him. I threw my frustration at him. I told him I was so horny I could cry from it. I told him no amount of masturbation could appease me. I begged him for release. “Fuck me” I implored. “Just once. Just take this edge off me”. He laughed at me and walked away.

The next week I walked in to the bedroom, as naked as ever, I spread my legs in front of him and started fucking myself with all I had. I fucked myself furiously. I cried and fucked. I moaned. In between tears I told him how wet I was, how tight my pussy felt. I told him I was ovulating. “I am so fucking fertile” I almost implored. He put his book down and walked away.

I sat in the corner of the room. And I cried. I begged for release. Almost a silent sob. I begged everything and anything. I begged the heavens to give me the pleasure I needed. Why me? Was I ugly? Unattractive? Why didn’t he want me? Why? Why?

I did more things. Things I am ashamed of. I almost cheated. I got so close. I wondered of paying a man for sex. I wondered of letting a stranger fuck me in the bathroom of a club. I wondered a million thoughts. To hurt him. To punish him for not giving me what I need. To get my pleasure and my revenge. To be a woman. To feel like a woman again.

And then last night.. I found out. He left his phone on the table. A text came. From her. Yes, he was cheating. Worse. He was cheating. And telling her everything. It was their sick sick game. He described my frustration to her. He told her everything I tried. He told her my tears.

“She kept talking about her wetness, and I did nothing” he said in one text
“And why is that?” she asked
“Because I want to save my cum for you” he answered
“Fuck that’s so hot. That poor woman” was all she had to say. I was but a “poor woman” to torture with denial and neglect

Pages upon pages of this. Of him confessing his torture, and she squealing with delight. “Fuck you came so much today” she said another time. “I haven’t even looked at my wife in days” he replied. “Good. I bet she is so horny is must physically hurt her” she kept poking
“She is” he confirmed
“Keep her that way. Don’t give her any pleasure. You’re mine. Only mine”
“I won’t” he reassured her, “I know the rules”

That’s all I was. A pawn in their sick game. A pawn to hurt and to humiliate. Above all, a pawn to be kept sexless. He broke me. He crushed me. All so that his new lover could feel powerful. All so that she could feel like she owned him.

And I may be crazy, but in that moment.. I understood her. I knew why she did that. I hated her. But I understood her. Oh how good it must have felt to be her. To milk this man dry thinking of the other woman who got not even the crumbs. The absolute power she held. Oh to be her. How I wished to be her in that moment. To torture her like she had tortured me.

NSFW: yes

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