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I attended law college, so nerdy guys are nothing new to me. They belong to me. I am fluent in their tongue. They were my favorite group of individuals to have a drunken fling with.

One of my friends was especially awkward but also adorable in all the right methods. He was a late bloomer who hadn’t yet realized how gorgeous he was and struggled to muster the courage to ask me out. About halfway through 2L year, I learned he was a virgin and wondered it was because of his shyness.

I’ve got new ideas now.

By the way, he became a patent lawyer and wed a real-life model. Because this story gets rough, I just want to state up front that this guy turned out okay.

He shared a large house off campus with eight of our peers. One night I went to a gathering at his house, and we started to flirt. Actually, I made an effort to flirt with him even though he mostly ignored me. In the midst of my desperate attempts to spice up the discussion, he started ranting about how his Ivy League alma mater kicked him out of the robotics club or something. I wasn’t really following any major nerd shit.

*I don’t want to sound like an ass. I was somewhat tired and inebriated. Sue me.*

*I end by kissing this guy. He tensely glares at me in complete fear before apologizing. He replies, “That was the wrong thing to say, huh,” when I question him for what. I simply smile. He then sweetly sets his drink down, grabs my shoulders, and gives me a very clumsy peck in return. Although he was clearly apprehensive, it was really sweet.*

*He steps back, grabs a bottle of wine, and proposes that we have a conversation in his room. When I question if he’s just trying to get me drunk and by myself, the poor guy is horrified and apologies a lot. I’m joking, of course, so I just accepted his hand and took him upstairs.*

He awkwardly paces the room as he tells me about his legos while I immediately settle on his bed.Then, out of the blue, he informs me that he is a virgin, and I sigh and say that I already knew that.

We’re in legal college. We are all completely familiar with one another.

I also let him know that we won’t be having intercourse soon. Really, all I want to do is get a little drunk and have a little fun. He adores this scheme. I tell him I’ve all the time wondered he’s really handsome and he says he’s had a fixation on me for a while.

This will give him the boost in self-assurance he requires to tear himself away from those Legos, take off his spectacles, and come make out with me. He climbs up there, and we start very gently dry humping.

I started to experience it then. He is big and very hard through his pants. Large is putting it mildly. Although it can be challenging to gauge a person’s size through their jeans, the unusually large bulge was obvious. He draws back and appears to notice my shock, which causes him to become very anxious. He then asks me if anything is wrong. I simply moved my head, and we resumed our sex act.

However, I simply must see it.

I very carefully move my hand around his belt, down his back, and then toward his groin. Holy crap, man. I’m attempting to find out how the hell this guy walks properly. He’s muttering between kisses about how wonderful it feels while he believes I’m just giving him a handjob over his pants. Actually, this is more of a gender-related exploration quest.

I put my hand in his trousers and give him a brief, sort of touch for only two seconds before he leans back and requests a minute. Because I am still processing the reality that my fingers couldn’t even fit around it, I am okay with that.

Is there a issue with you? He asks after noticing the bewilderment on my countenance.

How does one convey this to a person who seems unaware? Nobody ever takes the time to settle you down and teach you how to tell when someone’s dick is abnormally large.

I plunge in. Okay, dude. May I just inquire if you’ve ever been informed that you have a large penis?

He becomes very crimson and is unable to look me in the eyes. “Kind of.”

What are you saying?

“Well, a girl once told me it was better than average,”

This has never come up in discussion, which surprises me. He seems truly surprised, though I’m not sure if he’s just being polite or if I’m the first person he has this realization with.

Do you indulge in porn? I query him.

He nods slightly and sort of shrugs.

I continue, “Ok, have you ever observed that you have a much bigger dick than most men in porn… Who all have penises that are above average?

I swear I’m not trying to make this poor, shy guy look bad, but I’m also so shocked I’m acting awkward as hell. I’m not sure how to react to this either.

I might just have a tiny sample size, he chuckles, adding. He can have my word that’s not the issue. We both start laughing at this point, which releases the stress.

He asks if I want to see it, and I excitedly reply in the affirmative. If I’m in Paris already, I won’t miss the Eiffel Tower. He drops his pants without hesitation and gives me a few seconds to just gaze.

I’m not sure if I should be pleased or terrified. The only term that comes to mind when I try to describe this in a million different methods is “monstrous.”

“You have the biggest erection I’ve ever seen, I can not stress this enough. Ever.”

He is currently grinning widely and appears to be happy with himself. I reply that I don’t believe it’s even efficient when he asks if I’d ever want to experience what it felt like. I’ve deep-throated some big dicks in the past, like bro, but I’m fairly sure this guy wouldn’t even fit halfway down my mouth, let alone in other places.

One day you’re gonna make a very happy lady, I assure him. “Very, very happy, maybe a little sore for a while.”

After that, he continues to attempt to kiss me, but the magic has somewhat faded. We engage in some physical contact before I excuse myself to go home because it’s getting late. I also need to look him up on Google to see if he has any sort of medical problem because I didn’t know this could happen organically.

He reportedly told one of his housemates that he had the biggest dick I’ve ever seen, even though I didn’t tell anyone about our encounter. Even the fact that the rumor quickly circulated throughout our law college didn’t bother me. The remainder of our college time was absolutely slayed by this guy. Compared to the movie celebrity with whom we graduated, he had more hookups. This guy is not a virgin and just graduated.

I was once given an invitation to his nuptials. The bride talked about how he’s full of surprises in her address.

NSFW: yes

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