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Nowadays I consider myself bisexual and trans (M2F), and am definitely a bottom, but when I was gonna school, I truly had no idea. I was trying my best to live as a cis heterosexual man, and generally just failed at it. This is a story of one of those failures lol – the one that “cracked my egg” as they say, and made me realize I’m just not cut out to go full dude-mode.

There was a girl in my general circle of friends that was clearly into me. We ran into each frequently over the course of a year, and every time we met she would all the time be very sexually forward with me. She was attractive, but at the time I wasn’t interested and sort of ignored her frequent advances. Eventually I caved, and we started hanging out “1-on-1” as “friends”, which eventually led to us sleeping together. Or me attempting to do that. The issue was, I could just never get hard.

I had lots of problems in the past with ED with other girls, but never to the same degree. I just literally couldn’t get hard for this girl. Yet for some reason, it didn’t even seem to bother her. She kept aggressively pursuing me, practically to the point of her inviting herself over to my house. I ended up giving up on trying penetrative sex and letting her try to give me blowjobs, and just started giving her head. And that’s how our encounters would go. For a few months, a couple times a week, I would go to her place or she would drop by mine, and I would get her off with my tongue. Needless to say as somebody trying to create an image of a strong hetero dude, this was sort of emasculating. As if things weren’t embarrassing enough, she would do things like smack my ass when nobody was looking and would talk dirty to me as I was eating her out. I tried to cut things off with her a few times, but she would just ignore me and keep calling, sending texts and nudes, and dropping by uninvited. I guess I wasn’t assertive enough, and confused because I had never been with such a sexually aggressive woman. Everybody wondered I was having an awesome sex life, because I was all the time with this attractive girl, but really she made me her bitch. I couldn’t talk about it or push back too hard, because at the time I cared if people knew about my sexual inadequacies.

Eventually she got into a relationship and left me alone. I still think back about those months, with mixed feelings. On one hand it’s nice to know somebody finds you attractive, and I did enjoy myself sometimes. It also helped me realize I’m trans. But then again it was weird being a booty call.

NSFW: yes

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