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This might not be the place to ask (if there’s a better site or sub for this kind of thing please let me know), but I’m trying to get some feedback and/or constructive criticism on a erotic story I’ve been chipping away at.

A brief synopsis: The protagonist is an early 30-something named Neil who meets a minor love/sex Goddess. I’m about 3000 words in and I haven’t even gotten to the juicy parts yet. It’s about 90% exposition (call to action), which maybe too much set up. If things go well it supposed to include some harem building, magic, maybe some romance, and metric ton of butt-fucking (sorry if that isn’t your thing).

***

Neil let out a loud groaning yawn, his eyes squeezing shut as he trudged along the dusty sidewalk. The newly dried blotches of paint altered the scrape of his shoes against the concrete. The sound wasn’t as satisfying as it was the day before. It was early, just after four in the morning. The sun had only just begun to rise, turning the whole sky a muted purple. Neil didn’t want to up before the sun. He wanted to wrapped up in blankets at home, in his bed, but that wouldn’t pay the bills.

Matt and Reuben were gonna meet him at the gas station at the end of the service road, then it was back to the old office building for touch-ups, and then hopefully he’d collect his paycheck. It was the last month of the busy season, and soon he discover himself on the hunt for work again. The wondered didn’t make him as anxious as it usually did, after roughly six months he needed to take a break from painting for a little while.

The road was dark and tranquil. Anytime he was alone like this he prayed. He stood still, a solitary figure in the dim morning light. He wasn’t sure how to pray, the forum he found wasn’t clear on that either. So. he just clasped his hands and called out to *her.* An obscure deity, though the forum he had stumbled upon assured him *she* was real. In his hormone driven, smut addled brain, he was sure she was. Even though doubt occasionally crept into his mind, he kept praying, nearly everyday for the past three months.

He felt something this time. Like gravity had pooled around, and the weight of it was forcing him through the concrete. He wasn’t falling, he was sinking. The air around him went frigid, wrapping around him like a fist of icy fingers. A scream threatened to escape his lips, but in an instant the ground beneath his feet was solid again. It felt as if he had back flipped and landed back on his feet.

Neil chuckled to himself. He was a little dehydrated, over-caffeinated and still pretty tired, “just a touch of vertigo,” he said aloud.

He let out an uneasy sigh before continuing down the gritty concrete path. He had only walked for another minute or so, before he saw what appeared to be an massive boulder in the distance, right in the middle of the road.

He attempted to rub the fog from his eyes, blinking in disbelief. The boulder appeared to moving, shifting and lumbering in an incredibly slow but deliberate pace. As he got closer he noticed the surface of the *boulder,* was smooth, and appeared to be decorated. Muted earthy tapestries were strung around the top. Strings of beads and numerous trinkets hung lower around the gigantic spiraled surface.

Once he was standing a few feet from the thing he realized that it wasn’t a boulder at all; it was the shell of a colossal land snail, the tail end of the gigantic creature was longer than most sedans, jutting out from beneath the shell and gliding slowly across the dusty road, leaving a thin sheen of slime in it’s wake.

He ran along side the beast. It was at least the length of a city buses, and nearly twice as wide. He could only make out the silhouette of the creature’s head as it hung high above the street, shrouded in darkness of the misty dawn.

He noticed a set of stairs was affixed to the side of the great beast’s shell, the bottom step hovered a short leap from the ground. He impulsively leaped onto the stairs, barely grasping the wooden handrail to hoist himself to the entrance. Then he was facing a large wooden door contoured to the surface of the shell and adorned with a multicolored stained glass window.

To his surprise the door was unlocked. Upon stepping inside, the first thing that struck him was the scent—a delicate, earthy aroma like damp soil and freshly cut grass. It was dark, illuminated only by the intricately carved portions of shell that were covered in some sort of bio-luminescent moss. Despite the dark, the inside of the shell seemed deceptively vast. He caught glimpses of the creature’s inner workings, writhing both across and below the platform, wet and glistening in the faint ethereal light.

To his left was a lengthy staircase crafted from sturdy wood though it seemed to blend with shell seamlessly. The stairway followed the shell’s gentle interior curve, spiraling upwards to another chamber. Each step was lined with the strange glowing mossy vegetation. Shelves stretched out along the interior wall, cradling an array of leather-bound books, pillows, trinkets, bottles, and vials. Some of which contained numerous shades of liquid, their colors shimmering in the ghostly light.

“What is this place?” Neil thought aloud as he ascended the stairs.

Neil emerged from the stairwell, stepping into a noticeably cozier living chambers. The space was furnished with all the trimmings of a single level cottage. Radiant and inviting, with soft warm light emanating from the lanterns above his head, it was a stark contrast to the dim chamber below him.

A young pale woman with dark hair, gracefully rose from her seat a behind a quaint little table and stepped over to meet him. Her gaze found his, and a gentle smile curved her lips. The lines around her eyes crinkled in a way that made the world feel warmer, like gentle hug for his soul.

Her eyes were strange, like liquid pools of warmest, most delicious honey he’d ever tasted, flecked with hints of brown, and edged in a shimmering rose gold. Their depths were almost hypnotic, as if he stared too long he’d literally lose himself.

She was cute, impossibly cute, his heart skipped-a-beat or two *cute;* big doe-eyes framed in dark long lashes, with a smattering of perfectly placed freckles across her cheeks, like the look that e-girls strive to imitate. She was easily the most strikingly gorgeous woman had ever met.

She hadn’t said a word, or done anything at all really, but he could feel heat pouring into his crotch.

“Hello Neil,” She said greeting him by name. Her voice was an eerie tenor, a soft sound, as delicate as a harp. Carrying an undertone of longing that he couldn’t even start to figure out.

A heaviness settled in his stomach, his words were hesitant, “Do I know you?”

“Well not in the exact sense,” she said cryptically, before guiding him deeper into the chamber.

“What does that mean?” Neil asked glancing about the chamber before his eyes settled back on his host.

The light of the chamber cast a warm glow on her figure, accentuating the curves and contours her body. Her long, chestnut-brown hair fell over her shoulders in waves to the middle of her back ending in delicate curls. Each shimmering wave was pinned with tiny jewel-encrusted snail shell-charms glinting in the warm light of the lanterns above them.

“It means that I know you,” She smiled at him from over her shoulder.

She was sort of tall, four or five inches shorter than himself. The opulent white shawl of sheer fabric was draped over her shoulders and ended abruptly at her elbows. It was adorned with delicate patterns that resembled a peach tree laden with fruit. She was naked beneath the fabric, he could see her toned muscles move beneath her skin with little twist and step she took.

Neil’s gaze fell lower, to the small of her back, she was wearing a matching sheer pair of shorts, it’s lacy frilled edged was perfectly perched on her waist. His eyes briefly fixed on her subtle indentations on the lower part of the back, just above her butt.

He tried to withstand the temptation to cast his gaze any lower, but quickly gave in. His eyes following the contours of her waist as her curves broadened out, swelling to a pair of gigantic meaty bubbles before tapering in down the length of her comparably thick thighs. The delicate sheer material of her shorts had disappeared midway down, swallowed by her well round mounds of ass. Her ass was obscenely fat for woman that looked so graceful—a good marbled fat, without the slightest hint of cellulite.

Neil was so focused on her ass he nearly walked into her when she paused at the edge of her quaint little table. He cleared his throat and muttered a quick apology under his breath, though the woman didn’t seem to notice.

She turned to face him, “please sit,” she purred, her strange colored eyes locking onto his with an intensity that left no room for protest.

Neil did as she asked, and shimmed into a comfortably cushioned chair behind the table.

She cut him another smile revealing perfectly aligned, pearly-white teeth that light up her face, “tea?”

“Okay,” Neil nodded, his gaze remained fixed on her. The sheer shawl clasped together over the hollow of her throat barely obscured his vision at all. A mix of intoxicated curiosity and desire stirred within him. Embarrassingly enough Neil wondered he may have had bigger tits. Her chest was basically flat and capped with tiny pink nipples, and her areolas had a heart-shaped appearance.

His eyes fell back to her impossibly plump, moan inducing ass as she turned away. It wasn’t just her curves held him captive. There was an aura about her, like an earthly primal desire that clung to her that made his thoughts hazy. With every step, and every gesture, she exuded this strange combination ethereal grace and perversion, even watching her simply ladled some steaming liquid into the tea cups stirred something in him.

She returned to the table and handed him a cup, the weighty rose gold cuffs on her wrists jingling gently. The chiming metal seemed to vibrate through him, and the sensation lingered in his cock. Each cuff was etched with pictographs of couples in embraced in coitus, that seemed to carry alluring and indecent voicelessness whispers.

She took up the seat across from him and sipped her tea. She her lips pursed and she seemed to savor the first swallow.

The tea carried notes of clove, stone-fruit, and something more elusive —a briny sort-of funk that some how smelt vaguely sexual.

He was so caught up in the moment, he had all but forgotten they were inside the shell of a colossal snail, until he noticed surface of his tea gently shifting to-and-fro in his cup.

“We are actually, INSIDE a giant snail right now, right?” Saying it aloud made him feel insane.

“YES,” she responded cheerfully, “Their name is Harlow —a dear friend and a wondrous beast,” she added.

He found himself staring, watching her perfect glossy pink lips move as she spoke, before focusing on the smattering of freckles across her nose bridge and cheeks.

“…Snails are creatures of the earth. They embrace their slowness with unwavering patience. Their slippery nature lends them to explore the *tightest, darkest spaces* with such *wanton vigor…* and naturally with such accolades some cultures profess of their *aphrodisiac* qualities… truly magical creatures.”

The way she emphasized certain words made him feel like he was on the outside of some sort of inside joke.

“Who are you?” he asked, his voice barely more than a whisper.

“Ah, I am the pull of desire beyond you mortals’ fickle conditioned urges,” she explained, “I’ve gone by many names: Anomalia, Gaothach Ghrà, and Onoskelis… the Christians used to carve little runes above their doorways and windowsills to try and keep me out…”I believe…” she paused briefly, staring into his soul with her strange eyes as if she was searching his thoughts for the answer, then she continued, “I believe… you may know me as Analiya, a name I quite fancy.”

Neil felt his heart start to race, “you’re THE Goddess I’ve been praying to?”

A faint smile tugged at the corners of her glossy pink lips. “I suppose that’s accurate. Yes, I am a Goddess,” she agreed before taking a quiet sip of from her tea cup.

Neil felt his cock grow a little harder, the heat of it pressing up against his thigh, “…the Goddess of…” he swallowed hard, and fought the urge to pinch himself, if he was dreaming he wasn’t ready to wake up yet, “…anal sex?”

The Goddess gave him a melodious chuckle, a sound tickled his ears, “I rather like that, no one has said so plainly before…” She seemed delight in the title grinning to herself, “—YES,” she agreed, “I’m patroness to all greedy little sodomites, Goddess of pleasure, earthly delights, and fruitless love.”

Neil leaned across the table, the intoxicating aura around her drawing him. “I wasn’t really expecting … you to ummm, come yourself?” he admitted, his voice wavered, the excitement and anticipation of what could happen sent a shiver down his spine.

Analiya leaned forward, her face hovering just inches from his own. He could practically feel her heart beat quicken and warmth oozing off of her. “Come myself? Her smirk twisted into a painful grimace, her strange eyes glinting with desire. “I would love to,” she purred, “but you’re mortal. I would consume you within moments of our coupling. The ecstasy would surpass your comprehension, and you would likely perish at the height of your pleasure, your very essence drained. Even if you managed to survive, your mind would collapse, unable to process the intensity of our love making. Your sanity would shatter like glass under pressure, leaving you as nothing more than a babbling husk of your former self—a fate worse than death, I think,” she sighed deeply.

“Oh,” Neil sighed.

She made the prospected sound utterly terrifying, but he found himself contemplating the potential consequences anyway. *Was it a worth the risk?* He thought. *Would his sanity, perhaps even his life, be a fair trade for the most pleasurable experience he could imagine?*

“So, hold on… then why did you bring me here?” Neil asked, his tone carefully avoiding any hint of ingratitude.

Analiya only glanced up at him from her tea cup, a pout forming on her lips, Neil wondered the Goddess looked even more letdown then he felt.

“Over the past decade or so, my power has been steadily on the rise,” Analiya began, “yet, still I’m far from my former glory. I yearn for my Cult, and I yearn for a priest… Your dedication has not gone unnoticed, I figured you could be that priest. You can sing my praises, and teach them to take pleasure in my name.”

Neil felt his eyes widen in shock, “Analiya, I think you have the wrong guy…” worry crept into his voice as he continued, “I was… just sort of hoping… well, for a dash of magic that could help me, you know, get lucky… preferably with a girl that shared my interests. I do interior house painting. I’m a tradesmen. Preaching and starting a *Cult?* That’s just not me. I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”

His protests only seemed to fuel the Goddess’s determination. “You live in an age of information,” she countered, “it might be easier than you believe. And there are perks to becoming my priest. You’d receive gifts and vassals. As my influence grows, those gifts will flourish into power beyond what you previously wondered you could achieve.”

“I’m not so sure…” Neil’s voice wavered with uncertainty. “I’m not exactly the most persuasive person… How could I possibly start a cult?”

“I’ll be there by your side, in a manner of speaking,” she murmured, her words caressing his mind like a seductive whisper that resonated deep within him. “Select a vessel for me, let your thoughts of me linger within them, and I will guide you. It won’t require more than a mere fraction of my energy; and this vessel will hardly sense my presence. Perhaps we can even *couple* together?” Analiya suggested sweetly.

“Harper!” Neil blurted out with some excitement, but then quickly reined in his enthusiasm, coughing awkwardly. “I mean, the girl in the apartment across from mine, her name’s Harper… something.”

The Goddess fixed Neil with a knowing smile. Her smiles at all times seem to radiate comfort and warmth, “I knew you’d come around,” there was an intense excitement bubbling beneath her words. “I know your Harper, and Harper it shall be…”

“I’m still not sure about this,” he confessed nervously, his gaze fixed Analiya’s face, tracing the graceful contour of her cheek and the enticing curve of her full lips, which seemed perfectly fashioned for kissing. His heart fluttered, he wanted to kiss her.

“I promise you, Neil, you’re on the brink of something truly extraordinary!” Analiya voice echoed through him, resonating deep within his being, reaching into his core and vibrating his cock like a tuning fork, “I’ll give you the tools, and we’ll create a castle fit for Gods.”

“So… now what?” Neil thought aloud.

Analiya’s tongue sensually traced her lips, “A kiss to seal the deal, of course,” she quipped, playfully.

Neil swallowed the sudden lump in his throat, he could feel his heart beat in his temples. They drew together above the table’s surface, their lips meeting in a moment in unadulterated bliss. The air was heavy with her energy it felt like he swimming. Then the moment her tongue touched his, it was as though a surge of magic coursed through him, like a bolt of lightning that set his bones aflame. Her kiss was an embrace of fire, her tongue unfurling with an almost impossible length, entwining around his own.

Their kiss dissolved all too quickly, leaving a desperate longing echoing through on his senses. The base of his spine throbbed with a fierce heat, his skin prickling under a tantalizing static energy.

“…I’ve also given you your first little gift,” she murmured as she fanned her face, her voice dripped with easy contentment.

The moment she said it, Neil sensed a weightiness descending into into his core. The fabric over the front of his pants seemed to vibrate, growing steadily tighter every time his cock throbbed. The length and weight of it seemed balloon, sending shock waves of energy through his nerves.

Neil stood up a heavy bulge distended the font of his pants, and stepped away from the table where Analiya, sat, Neil felt a cock, strange and willing primal sensations swirling within him.

“I don’t think I can go to work like this…” Neil confessed aloud.

Analiya smiled at him warmly, the lines around her strange colored eyes crinkled, gently tugging at his soul, “Go find Harper,” the Goddess whispered.

Their encounter lingered in his mind as he navigated through the dark dank confides of the colossal snail shell and back out on to the quiet street. The gigantic snail seemed evaporate away, the moment he stepped off mounted stair set and his meeting with Analiya almost felt like a dream.

Though as he walked, he couldn’t shake the memory of Analiya’s voice, they way she smiled, that strange aura about her that made him feel libidinous and love drunk. The air felt charged, warm and fuzzy. Everything felt strangely *pink.*

Eventually, Neil arrived back at his apartment building, his thoughts still consumed by his chance meeting with Analiya. Glancing across the courtyard, he spotted Harper in her window. The timing seemed predestined, suddenly his heart was pounding.

Analiya’s words echoed in his mind, *let your thoughts of me linger within them, and I will guide you through them.*

He didn’t really figure out, but he tried to intertwine his thoughts of Harper and the Goddess, searching for a connection between them.

Harper was bathed in the soft light of the early morning, she was sitting at her desk tapping away at the keyboard of her laptop. Her long blonde hair swept behind her ear, her locks gleaming the sunlight. Her features at all times held certain elegance, her deep brown eyes, framed by delicate lashes, her petite straight nose and bottom-heavy lips. His mind lazily drifted beyond what he could see, envisioning her perfect heart shaped ass and long sturdy legs. His cock reared behind his paint stained pants, like a gigantic angry hog frustrated with its pen.

Excited anxiousness shook his nerves as he toward her window, but watching the delicate interplay of light and shadow dancing across her features put him at ease. She looked more approachable than the Goddess. Harper had an apt girl-next-door look about her, that was uniquely hers. Despite their differences he couldn’t help but sense a link between Harper and Analiya. It was beyond physical, something intangible and mysterious, like fate or destiny.

Harper noticed as he approached her open window, and offered him a warm smile.

“Oh, hey!” she greeted him cheerfully.

NSFW: yes

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