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So I truncated the previous post right before celebrating Lexi’s 23rd birthday. It was just a day after we finished finals. She is about 5 months older than me. And of course she fits the Sagitarrius user account perfectly – unpredictable, chaotic, at all times up for anything and brazen. It’s symbol is the centaur not too far removed from her unicorn self image. Some of the signs that work best with Sags are Leo and Gemini (wow go figure) who are both attracted to her wildness and fan her flames of exploration. She is at all times on the go, as long as you are eager to tolerate her nature you will have a long committed relationship.

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We were cutting loose for our last collegiate celebration as well as her birthday. Prof was in Spain but I had talked to him before he left. Besides giving me money for her gift he said “Lexi needs to be entertained. After finals and with her birthday I’m sure she is expecting to go crazy.” I said “Don’t worry I’ll keep her in check and I won’t get in any trouble, I promise.” He said “Now I’d love to believe that, and no offense, but Lexi, plus you, plus drinks, plus graduation, plus birthday is an equation for trouble. I’ve thought about it and we might as well embrace it. How about we keep it to known quantities. You and Lexi and…. Brian and maybe Marcus or Ronnie or even Alex.” I shot him a shocked face “How many cocks does she get?” He laughed and said “I was thinking two, but however many you can get.” I said “Lucky girl.” He said “And you too. Those are known quantities for you, how about a free pass while I’m gone for this occasion ok. You’ll want to cut loose too after finals.” I had wondered about how hard it was gonna be to be watching her and not participating. And I had a wondered of my own earlier, this was perfect. I said “If you are ok with it, but I’d only feel comfortable if you had a free pass too.” He laughed and said “I’m only there a week and have to work, hardly time to try to find anyone much less seduce them.” I said “Oh I’m pretty sure you got a sure thing there.” He looked at me and I said “Malena wants to fuck your brains out. Trust me.” He looked shocked and just sat there. I said “I saw the way she looks at you, I was surprised you had not fucked her already. I mean that she did not try to fuck you anyway. But now that your business is concluded with her well…. Ask her to dinner. Trust me. She’s a single mom and a hot MILF. She’ll take the bait. Especially if she knows I’m ok with it.” I don’t know why but I felt like it should happen.

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So I had reached out that week to Marcus and Ronnie but neither were available. And I did not think Alex was a good idea since Helen had put a stop to their side action only recently. I hit up Brian of course and he was on board. He was already fucking her occasionally. I asked if he had any friends to bring along and he said he would think about it. But before her birthday arrived I had another conversation with prof. Well a conversation and some facetime fun. He had asked Malena to dinner and he said she was skeptical. So I called her directly on Tuesday after my final that day. I assured her that I was ok with prof taking her out to dinner and whatever happened after too. She kept asking me “¿Estas segura?” I said “Sí, por favor. Sé que él disfrutaría de tu compañía y, como madre soltera, debes ummm… socializar más.” She replied “Bueno, sí. Sería bueno. Él es muy guapo. Pero…” I said “Sin peros’. Yo insisto. Quiero saber que las necesidades del profesor están siendo satisfechas y usted también debe tener necesidades. También puedo jugar en su ausencia, así que es justo. Beneficia a todos.” The short translation of all of that is I insisted and said she has needs and so does he and I also get to play in his absence so it advantages everyone. She finally agreed and I could hear the excitement in her voice. She needed to be fucked long and hard. I could tell. Just this tension in her voice, except when she drank and let loose during the world cup watching party.

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Thursday after shopping it was about 3pm which is 10pm in Spain. Lexi had gone to nap before we went out. I knew prof and Malena had gone to dinner about 9pm so I texted prof but got no reply. Hmmm. I just wanted to know it was going well. Maybe he was already balls deep in her. But I decided to reach out to her. She responded immediately saying they were at dinner and it was going well but she was so nervous. I told her not to be and I was excited and he was a great lover. She said she had excused herself to the bathroom so I facetimed her. I talked to her and assured her again. She said it really helped her when she talked to me and that she would never take someone’s man and future husband. I said I know, this is just sex and I appreciate that you did not seduce him on your own. She said she had not been with another man since her husband. I asked how long she had been divorced and she said she was not divorced, her husband had passed. Oh holy shit. COVID actually. Which was like 2.5 years ago. Spain got hit hard in the first wave of it and he died. I had misinterpreted her Spanish on my earlier visit over Thanksgiving thinking she meant she was no longer with her husband but she said he was no longer with us. Ugh holy shit. I felt terrible. And my Spanish is not as good as I wondered. Neither she nor the kids were infected. He had been isolated and hospitalized and died alone. How sad. I felt terrible, but I also felt better about what I was doing. She needed to get laid worse than I imagined. Two and a half years without sex!!!! Ok so I get mourning, of course, my own mother died. And she has kids and works. Probably too busy to consider much of a social life. But she was now ripe and still a gorgeous and passionate Spanish woman. And this was more like a gigolo for her sexual pleasure. Now I implored her saying she needed this. She was tearing up a little.

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I told her to facetime me again when they were alone if she wanted to and she composed herself and went to rejoin prof. I texted him saying, take her back and fuck her brains out she needs this badly. But be sensitive and quickly explained that she was a widow and had not been with a man for a while. No reply. I waited over an hour but I was going nuts. It was now 11:30pm there. I had to know. I facetimed prof and he picked up this time. He was lying back in bed on a pillow. He gave no indication of anything so I wondered maybe she backed out and went home. I asked him what happened and he did not respond. Instead he panned the phone over to Malena who was in bed with him. And they were naked, exposed from the waist up. And I could tell she was flushed and her breasts were still heaving. OMG!! I screamed “¡Estoy tan feliz por ti!!!” (I’m so happy for you!!). She said “Dios mío. No puedo creer esto” (Oh my god I can’t believe this) and covered her face shyly. I blew kisses and told her it was wonderful and she looked radiant and I thanked prof and said “Did you treat her right? You better have pleasured her fully,” and he laughed and she got wide eyed and nodded. They were in a post coital satiated state. It was so cute. “¿Te comió el coño?” (Did he eat your pussy?) I asked. She blushed and said “Ay, eres demasiado… pero si!!!”. (Oh you are too much… but yes!!) I could literally see the relief on her face. She was so relaxed. But I wanted to see more.

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I said “Bueno, el profesor es muy viril. Espero que estés listo para más” (Well he is very manly or virile. I hope you are ready for more.) She blushed and said “Debo volver con mis hijos… pero tal vez una vez más” (I have to get back to my children… but maybe one more time). She called her parents really quickly and said she would be late. I’m sure they were actually happy she was out for the first time and they actually told her not to worry they would keep the boys overnight rather than stay up late waiting for her. She now had all night. She hung up and said “¿Estas segura?” (Are you sure?). I said “Déjame mirarte juntos. Por favor” (Let me watch you together. Please). It was a request not a question. I lowered the camera showing I was playing with my pussy and said “Y tal vez la próxima vez podamos jugar todos juntos” (And maybe next time we can all play together). She gave an eyebrow raise and moved over to him. She started kissing down his chest and torso. I pulled all my clothes off on the couch and spread my legs. Prof reversed the camera to show her instead of selfie mode and I watched as she grabbed his cock and started licking and kissing the shaft. I watched as she gave him a long slow blowjob. Then she moved up and straddled him, taking his cock into her already wet pussy. I watched her ride him and she leaned back so she was spread to the camera. She was beautiful and enthralled in her rapturous state. She was not paying any mind to the camera, only her pleasure. Prof thumbed her clit with one hand while keeping the camera on her. She gyrated and soon came as her torso flushed and she exclaimed “Oh, sí, oh, joder, me estoy corriendo”. She bucked wildly and then sat up. She saw the camera again and blushed looking away. Prof moved now to put her on her knees and entered her from behind and I watched him plow her pussy. She was fucking him back hard and enjoying her pounding. I could sense him building to an orgasm and I came too just as he pulled out and sprayed her back with cum.

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She collapsed and he fell next to her. She was giggling and covering her face saying “No puedo creer que hice eso” (I can’t believe I did that). I said “Lo necesitabas y era hermoso. ¡Duerme bien y disfruta de otra ronda por la mañana! (You needed it and it was beautiful. Sleep well and enjoy another round in the morning!). I said “I love you baby,” to prof and “Goodnight!” I was really so happy I had offered his services. Something intuitive told me she needed it I think. She had been through a rough time and mourned and then focused on family and work. She did what she had to do, but she needed to feel alive again. I hoped this would kick begin her libido again. Lexi showed up about 6pm and I filled her in on what had happened showing her screen captures I took while watching them fuck. But tonight was for her.

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We got dressed up to go out, meaning short skirts and tight tops and no panties. I had not told her anything and she figured it was just a girls night which would be fun. We went to dinner and then hit the clubs. About an hour into it we ran into Brian. I say we ran into him, but of course I had planned it and had him meet us there. He was with a friend too, but to my surprise it was Kevin. The Kevin that I was still pissed at. The one who I caused to break up with his girlfriend and then refused to sleep with him because he was spreading rumors about me sucking off everyone in the dorm. Even though that was true, he should not have done that. Brian had said he had enlisted a friend. I had not even wondered about Kevin. But Kevin had a big black cock which Lexi happens to be a fan of. I had sucked him off a few times, ok maybe a dozen. So Lexi would be in heaven with Brian her sometime fuck buddy and a big black cock on the lean ripped body of Kevin. Could I even control myself though? Fuck. I decided to text prof cuz I was unsure what to do. I said that Brian had brought a friend, someone I “knew” from before but had not seen in a long time. I was hoping he would see the text in the morning in Spain. He was flying out that day and would have to be up early to bang Malena again and catch his flight.

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Anyway we danced and drank a lot and got crazy in the club. I danced with both Brian and Kevin and even Lexi putting on a sexy girl girl thing for the guys. I wasn’t really talking to Kevin. He knew I was still pissed. At one point Lexi and I went to the bathroom. I pulled her scrawny ass into a stall and finger banged her to an orgasm like she usually did to me. We were laughing as we came out to the glares of other bitches. Kevin pulled me apart at one point and said he was sorry he had spread those rumors about me. Well that was at least something. I asked about his girlfriend. He said they got back together for a while, but broke up over the summer for good and he just wanted a girl like me. I said “Well you’re in luck,” and he looked hopeful. Then I said “She’s a girl like me and she loves black cock.” He said “Come on baby, Brian’s with her you know. I came here to see you.” I shook my head no and said “I’m engaged Kevin, sorry. I know you want more, but I have something perfect and I don’t want to ruin it.” I did not want to get his hopes up. He said “Alright, I can respect that.” It was nearly midnight now and almost 7am in Italy and I checked but prof had not texted. He was likely rushing to the airport and was terrible about checking messages. I gave Brian the head nod indicating it was time to go soon. We had one last round of shots and then vacated. Lexi was really trashed and I was fairly drunk but functional. We grabbed an uber and I let both guys sit in back with Lexi. They had her top pulled down and skirt up playing with her tits and pussy while I distracted the driver. I showed him my tits and tipped him well. He was a good sport and at least nobody threw up in his car.

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Lexi was more than ready to fuck and basically got out of the car half naked and stumbled up the stairs. I helped her up and the guys followed us into my apartment. I dragged her to the bedroom and said “On your knees bitch it’s time for your birthday licks.” She said “Mmm yeah lick me baby.” I said “No sweetie, not what I meant.” I pulled out a cat o’nine tails and a riding crop from our stash and gave them to Brian and Kevin. I held her down and said “23 smacks on that tender ass for 23 years bitch. Brace yourself.” She screamed and bit down on a pillow, her bare ass in the air. I was bear hugging her torso and pinching her nipples and the guys started alternating smacks of her butt “ONE…TWO…THREE” we called out and she screamed each time. But then there was a knock on the door. I had no idea who that was and I was topless in only a thong but I didn’t care. I said “Keep whipping her, I’ll get it.” I heard “FOUR” and “FIVE” and “SIX” as I got to the door. I flung it open and it was the uber driver, Gary. He said “Oh hey…. Uhhhh wow. Ok. Sorry. Your uhh friend left her shoes in my car,” as he held out her heels. In the background we heard “SEVEN…. EIGHT….NINE,” punctuated by slaps and screams. I said “Oh thanks, she’s getting her birthday ass whipping” and shrugged. He stared at my tits and said “Ok…. uhhh…. Yeah so….” he was peering in and very curious. I said “You wanna join in?” followed by “TEN.” He said “I already accepted my next ride.” “ELEVEN” I said “Oh, well you better go… unless you want to cancel and have some fun. I got condoms you can fuck her too.” “TWELVE” He said “No shit. Seriously?” as we heard “THIRTEEN” and “FOURTEEN” doled out. I looked down and saw his boner through his pants while he pulled up the app and cancelled the ride. He was older maybe mid 30s and not wearing a wedding ring, bigger burly red headed and bearded guy.” I said “Not me though… just her. I wanted to give her a night to remember and she needs another dick.” As “FIFTEEN” was announced I grabbed his hand and pulled him in. “Get your pants off Gary,” I said as I led him to the bedroom.

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We walked in on “SIXTEEN” and I saw the guys had removed their pants too and were stroking their cocks with their other hands. said “Here give me that, you aren’t doing it hard enough.” Truth was her ass was beet red, but she needed some smacks to that pussy as it appeared they had kept from straying there. I took the crop and whipped her ass and the leather tongue smacked her pussy lips as I said “SEVENTEEN”. She hissed at the stinging pain and I gave her “EIGHTEEN” and “NINETEEN” in quick succession. Then I handed the crop to Gary and said “Have a turn.” Brian and Kevin were stripping their shirts off now. Lexi turned her head to see who it was and said “Who’s that?” I said “Shut up birthday bitch, smack her Gary.” He gave her a mild “TWENTY” and I grabbed the cat o’ nine tails and smacked right down her ass crack with it saying “TWENTY-ONE”!!! She gasped and buried her head again. Gary smacked her for “TWENTY-TWO and I got the last one with a lash across her ass for “TWENTY-THREE” and we all cheered.

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The guys were naked now. I knelt behind Lexi and said “Let me get her holes wet for you boys.” I beckoned them over and as I ate her from behind I stroked Brian and Gary. Truth is she was very wet already but I wanted to eat her. Kevin moved to her front and pulled her head up. She gladly took him in her mouth and started sucking him. Gary had a real beer can dick. Probably short of 6 inches but super thick. After a minute I had the guys rotate and Brian fucked her mouth. Finally Gary went to the front and she really struggled to get much in her mouth. It was stretched so wide. I had eaten her plenty and Brian moved in and started fucking her pussy in long deep strokes. I just naturally started sucking on Kevin’s cock. I mean I had done that before. What’s the harm, a blowjob is like a hug. To me. Then Kevin slapped a condom on and replaced Brian and fucked her pussy. Brian moved to the front and Gary was left out of the mix so I shrugged and took him in my mouth sucking as much of that thick cock as I could. I wasn;t gonna fuck them though. Finally Lexi was ready for the ultimate whore experience. She told Gary to lie down and he pulled on a condom. She mounted him and Kevin moved to her mouth. She doesn’t mind sucking on condoms so he left it on. Brian came around and put a condom on as well and entered her ass. She was now stuffed full of three cocks and really getting fucked.

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They were giving her the full treatment, banging the shit out of her, pulling her hair and smacking her ass. Kevin called her a dirty whore and they switched holes every couple of minutes. My girl was in heaven orgasming multiple times. Finally she was riding Kevin and Gary was in her ass splitting her in two with that thick cock. I’m not sure I would want that in my ass. He blew his load followed quickly by Brian and then finally Kevin. We all rested a while and then Gary popped up saying he had to go. Pretty sure he had a girlfriend. He went to the bathroom and washed off thoroughly. Telltale sign. I said “Can’t go back to her smelling like a whore, huh?” He gave me a look and turned and left. Lexi was actually pretty much gone now. She drank a lot more than me.

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Brian and Kevin and I moved out to the living room. They sat on opposite ends of the couch and I sat between them. We were talking about the good old dorm days when I used to suck them all and the crazy shit I did. Kevin pulled out a joint and asked if he could smoke it. I shrugged. I don’t care for it much but it doesn’t bother me. He and Brian passed it back and forth. I decided what the hell it was graduation. I took a hit and laid back against Kevin and he cupped my breasts. I still was not intending to fuck him. But Brian could fuck me and I wanted my turn now. We all got comfy and they were both stroking me. My legs were over Brian and I moved my foot to begin playing with his cock. He laughed and ran his hand up my thighs to my pussy. I let him finger me while I laid my head back and swapped tongues with Kevin. Then I flipped toward Brian and took his cock in my mouth. Kevin started fingering me from behind in both my holes. After a few minutes I flipped again and took Kevin down my throat. Brian moved in behind me and sunk his cock to his balls and started pumping my pussy hard. I was being spit roasted pretty good on my knees and had Kevin’s big cock buried in my throat. They pumped me long and hard until they filled me with cum from both ends. I was gone now, from the orgasm and weed and alcohol and fell asleep on the couch in Kevin’s arms.

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Apparently Brian moved to the bed with Lexi at some point. I woke up in the morning and he was gone. Kevin and I were spooned on the couch with a blanket over us, maybe Brian had done that. I grabbed my phone off the coffee table and checked messages. Prof had texted me three hours ago and it said “Hey, free pass means free pass baby. Have fun. Sorry. Phone was off. Layover in Frankfurt.” Holy shit. Well Kevin was still here I wondered. In fact his cock was pressed into my ass cheeks. I turned back to him and he was stirring slightly. I moved his hand to cup my breasts and ran my hand back to stroke his cock. He woke up and said “You’re too much girl, especially since I can’t fuck you.” I said “Hmmm well maybe.” He was awake now. He sat bolt upright and I straddled his lap. I grabbed his cock and stroked him while I said “Look. Just know that this is just sex. Nothing more. Ok.” He said “Cool.” I moved up and mounted him feeling that big black cock fill me up finally. I exhaled and pumped up and down slowly a few times as my juices lubed his cock. Then I pulled him in so he was buried in my tits and started writhing on him. I was moaning a bit and saying “Oh god yes, fuck my pussy.” He grabbed my ass and bounced me on his dick as he bit and sucked my nipples. I heard Brian come out. I turned and looked and he had a big hard on too. He said “She’s still passed out, I didn’t want to…” I said “Shut up and come here,” as I beckoned him over. I took him in my mouth and sucked him while riding Kevin. Then Kevin turned lying flat and I bent over as Brian came in behind me and entered my ass. They DPed me that way long and hard through multiple orgasms. Then Brian sat on the couch and I knelt bent over and sucking his cock as Kevin entered my ass from behind. Once again they railed me until they filled me with cum on both ends. They got going after that and I kissed them goodbye at the door.

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Lexi did not even stir until about 11am and she was hung over badly. She asked what happened and I told her. She vaguely remembered taking on three guys. She said her holes were all very sore including her jaw. I told her it was the beer can dick guy Gary and she said “Who was that?” I reminded her it was the uber driver and she got naked on the ride over. He came in and joined the party for a while. She asked if I had fun. I said yes, especially whipping her ass. She rolled over and her backside was red and had strap marks. She said “Fuck everything hurts.” I got some lotion and rubbed it into her ass for her. Then I made her coffee. We had no plans for the day so that was good and prof would be back in the evening. When she was lucid she said “Oh shit he’s gonna know.” I was surprised she would care but I said “Don’t worry he was in on the plan and knew we would cut loose.” She said “Oh. Well good. I’d lie for your benefit you know but better not to have to. Did you fuck them all too?” I said “No I did not fuck Gary but Kevin and Brian tag teamed me…. twice.” She said “Whore,” dryly and without any sarcasm which struck me as funny. I kissed her and said “Ditto bitch.” Prof came back that night but all he wanted to do was sleep. Lexi went to sleep at her place to recover as well. So it was a low key night. But prof woke me at 3 am and fucked me and then finished in my mouth. I swallowed and rolled over happily to go back to sleep.

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Now it was time for another celebration. Commencement. And our families arrived for the weekend. Since we had so little room they stayed in hotels but we all got together for a celebration dinner. It was the three of us, Nancy and Bruce, and Daddy and Christie. Future in-laws of a sort. Only they did not know that. Well daddy and Christie knew Lexi and I were lovers but we had not formalized our relationship. Nancy and Bruce knew nothing really. Well Bruce knew we were whores. I had fucked all three men at the dinner and Lexi of course. But I was not uncomfortable at all. These were the people I loved. And Nancy. Sorry. But she was actually quite lovely. Nancy asked about living arrangements in Spain. I said we were living together there and she assumed I meant me and Lexi. She said “And after the wedding?” I said “Yes, after the wedding too.” She said “Oh.” Suck it Nancy. She had to be impressed that we were really heading out on our own. I know she expected Lexi just to be a spoiled money grubbing sponge. We talked about arrangements for Christmas. We were planning to visit for the weekend. Nancy said she would host a pre Christmas dinner on the Friday at their place. They had sold their Houtson mansion but did not move to Miami permanently until January. Christmas Eve we would be at my daddy’s house which was traditionally very casual. But we invited Nancy and Bruce to come over Christmas Day for a big traditional meal and Christie and I would cook it. For better or worse this was our family so we were gonna make the best of it. I had talked Lexi into almost all of this; she wanted nothing to do with Nancy. But I assured her it would be fine and with more people Nancy would be focused on her less. It seemed to be working so far.

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Anyway the next day was graduation and Lexi and I donned our robes and caps and did the full procession and ceremony. Except we had fun with it and wore nothing under our robes of course. It was so fun to just be basically naked while hanging out publicly. We saw Brian who was also graduating. We flashed him our bare asses backstage and laughed. After we took pictures outside with family, Brian came over asking his parents to take a picture of him with me and Lexi. For memories. That was the first time I had seen Daryl since he and Brian tag teamed me. It was a little awkward around Carol but I did not let on anything just being the sweet innocent school girl Carol wondered she knew. I introduced my daddy and Christie as my step mom, and my fiancee of course and Carol said “Well I was hoping Brian would land a sweet college girl like you, E, but I can see why you are attracted to him.” I was a little confused and she said “Girls love guys who are just like their daddy. And they are both so handsome.” Oh crap. If she only knew how true that was. We did bring a change of clothes for after so we could go to lunch. Daddy gave me a card and it had $2500 in it. For clothes he said for the job. And Nancy gave Lexi a similar card with $5000 in it I found out later. Well good for her. She has more expensive taste anyway and probably needs to dress up more than I do. But it would really help us both as we set out on careers.

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We had originally planned to leave for Mexico that next week, but prof and I talked last week while he was in Spain and we both felt too rushed and stressed and it would not be relaxing. So we had changed our plans to go after Christmas. Instead I was gonna get to do something almost as stressful. With college behind me I decided to fulfill my promise to prof when we got engaged. I was gonna confession with a priest. I have not actually been to confession since early in my school years, before pandemic and before I became a full blown whore. This was gonna be a lot and knowing that I had scheduled a private confession with prof’s favorite priest. Most confessions are 5 to 10 minutes and done on a scheduled night at the church for everyone. I was scheduled for an hour, one on one, and that might not be enough. But I was determined to get through it. I don’t know exactly why. I have no shame when it comes to my life and choices really. But I certainly know a lot of it is wrong in the eyes of God. But he is a forgiving God and so, time to put that to the test. The way I figure it is God already knows, I am just praying for forgiveness and the priest is my conduit to God.

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So I summoned my strength and jumped right in. I started out with the death of my mother and how angry I was, and that I turned to my father and I confessed that I had seduced him and that we had a long sexual relationship. I then talked about how he had stopped that and I rebelled and slept around with numerous tinder dates trying to punish him. The priest asks if I know the proverb “Entre santa y santo, pared de cal y canto.” I said no. It translates roughly to “Even between a Saint and Saintess (or you might say a Monk and a Nun) you need to build a stone wall.” It means even the strongest of people in faith can falter when left alone together. He said “Your foundation, your home, was destroyed figuratively when your mother died.” Another proverb he mentioned that I do know was “La casa no descansa sobre el suelo, sino sobre una mujer” which means “The house does not rest upon the ground, but upon a woman.” He said “Add in the isolation of pandemic and it was only human nature. But still a sin of course.”

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I then hit the highlights of the next year saying since my dad I had slept with 43 other men and 6 women (I keep a journal) including Lexi, my best friend, and that we are still lovers. I also said I had whored myself out on many occasions for money. He knew I was engaged to prof and we talked about that as well. I said how much I love him and that I feel like he is saving me and accepts me for who I am. I really just summarized here but I spent the full hour coming clean with some tears mixed in. Some things were hard to say. How I manipulated people and lied and went behind their backs even though I was not ruining their relationships. He asked me who I felt I had wronged. It was a long list. Brian, Jason, Kennedy, Nancy, coach’s wife, etc.

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He started talking about my penance now and saying how essential it was to absolve me of sin. I stopped him and asked “But am I absolved if I still want him?” I needed to know that because otherwise this was futile. I still craved my daddy sexually especially when I saw him and often masturbated thinking about him. I love prof fully but I have not forgotten daddy. And I told him only daddy stopped it. I never would have put an end to it. He said daddy was doing what was best for me and being a father to me. “He is still your father and always will be. But even when you are absolved of that sin, desiring him is still a sin.” He continued saying “But with everything we have talked about today I can tell you, you are on your way to being healed.” He quoted Matthew saying:

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>*“You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind…You shall love your neighbor as yourself (Mt 22:38-39).”*

He said “The mind, heart and soul are inextricably linked. Your mind is healed – you know what you did is wrong. And your heart is healed – by the love you have found. But the soul cannot be healed until you have absolved your sin. Once you do you will no longer desire your father.” I was skeptical. But I could only deal with my future sins if and when they happen. For now I needed to do my penance and marry prof with a clear conscience.

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The priest then laid down my penance. I expected the usual Hail Mary’s (I earned ten of those). But beyond that he said I had to make amends to those I have hurt. My eyes got wider. I asked what he meant and he said “You have to apologize, literally, to those you have harmed.” I said “But I don’t even know who some of them are.” Several were anonymous or on numerous trips. He said “You listed off several by name before. Any that you do know you need to apologize to.” I said “But what if they don’t even know. Like their wives. Won’t I be hurting them more?” He said “They know, even if they do not know for sure, they know in their hearts. And you need to witness the damage you have caused. He then handed me The Act of Contrition to recite and said his prayer of absolution. He concluded with “I will remind you that your absolution is contingent on completing your penance and I will pray for you daily in the meantime until you let me know you have completed it.” He made a note in a little journal he carried. Ahhh fuck. I knelt in the church and did my ten Hail Mary’s alone. Just me and God.

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Prof was curious but not obtrusive. Confession and forgiveness are between you and God and the priest. But he was very happy I had done it. It took an hour and half so he knew I had not just gone through the motions and I was pretty emotionally wrecked. Later that evening I told him my penance saying I had wondered a lot about it and I was gonna spend some time every day until the list was exhausted. He just held me and we did not even have sex that night. On Tuesday I woke up and I was filled with resolve to complete this task. But a girl has needs and it might be a sin but I don’t think sucking profs cock is hurting anyone, least of all him. So I woke him up with his cock in my warm mouth and sucked him dry. I was gonna need my happy juice. Lexi and I needed to go Christmas shopping too, both for prof and for our parents. But that would have to wait until after lunch. I was out the door early and made my way to Marcus wife’s house. I got the address from Helen but did not tell her why.

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She answered and stood there hands on her hips and said “Yeah, what do you want.” She did not invite me in. Just as well her kids were probably there. I said “I’m not here to cause problems, but I want you to know I’m sorry. I seduced your husband and had sex with him many times and I’m just trying to make things right.” She did not even react really. She just stared at me. I said “Well anyway I hope you can forgive me but I lied to you about Alex too.” She said “Whatever bitch. I’ve had many a whore come to my door over the years, but usually they are not apologizing. That’s new. He’s a serial cheater and I’m better off without his ass. And Helen told me she knows about Alex. But I knew you were lying. It don’t change nothing, so get your butt off my porch and don’t worry your scrawny little ass, you’re just a young dumb slut. You ain’t gonna get no forgiveness here. But I’ll give you some advice. Grow the fuck up.” With that she slammed the door shut.

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Alright. Well that went well. I scurried back to my car so she would not see the tears well up in my eyes. Fuck me. Ok I deserved that I suppose. But how is this supposed to help me I wondered? Next I drove to Helen’s which was only two blocks away. I told her I was on a mission of redemption and I owed her an apology. She said “No you don’t. I gave him permission, remember, and you saved my marriage. I love you for it.” She hugged me seeing how emotional I was. I said “Well, be that as it may, I still seduced your husband and worse yet I exposed myself to your son multiple times, in fact I let him steal my nudes and gave him my panties too. I intruded on your parenting and probably rushed him and Madison into a sexual relationship.” She said “Maybe so, but you also gave him great advice along the way and helped him in school and you were a great friend to all of my kids.” She hugged me again and said “You have nothing to be sorry for but I appreciate it. And I’m sure J does too.” We laughed a little and she said “He was seeing porn online anyway, you’re a better sexual role model than anything he could have found there. And lord knows he does not want to hear it from his old parents.” Well that one went better than the first apology.

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On Wednesday my atonement tour continued. I hit up Blake who I had not spoken to all semester. I met him and Kennedy for coffee saying I needed to talk to them. Blake said “I told her everything,” in text but that did not change that I needed to apologize. I told her I lied to her and that I was not from his hometown and it had all been a farce just to get them together. She said she had figured it out that summer when nobody knew me and Blake had confessed that I made it up and then admitted I had taken his virginity and given him sex ed lessons basically. She said I did not need to apologize for that because it was before they ever started seeing each other and the lying was just to make a believable cover story. They had reconciled all of that and she said she just told him that neither of them should see me any more. So I took my cue and said I would leave them alone but that I was very happy it had worked out. Next I hit up coach’s wife, or soon to be ex wife. They were separated. She wondered I wanted to talk about using her as a personal trainer again. We met on campus after lunch at the gym but I told her that was not what it was about. I told her that I had done improper things with her husband and I was sorry. She said she was not surprised and that she had heard rumors about me (which Helen had defended me about, but were actually true). She also said she caught him with a stripper when she came back early from a road trip with an injured runner. I said well it was just a blowjob but I wondered you should know. She really did not seem to care. I was the least of her problems.

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Thursday was gonna be tough ones, but they were remote as well so I did it via Facetime. I called during the day hoping to catch Jason at work. He lived in Dallas now. He answered immediately and said “Why are you calling me?” and sounding exasperated. I told him I was sorry for my behavior at his wedding and that I had come there intending to break them up or at least cause havoc and make it all about me. But I said I had a change of heart after he talked to me beforehand and apologized for how he treated me. He seemed relieved it was not some other new drama. But then I added “And I also have to say I’m sorry because I slept with your dad, but it was not vindictive, it just happened.” He said “What the fuck E!!! Why the fuck would you tell me that?” I said “Well I kind of had to.” He said “No you really didn’t. Jesus. Just stay away from me ok. I’m married and we’re done and I don’t ever want to see you again or hear from you ok.” There was a little more to it including calling me a piece of shit. But you get the idea. And he hung up.

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Next up was Brian’s dad, also at work. I apologized for leading him on and concocting the entire scenario to get him and Brian to tag team me. He said that he should have said no. It was his weakness and as the adult he should have been the better person there. He was just glad to hear from Brian that I had found love and was making amends. He said Brian had told him that I apologized and things were good with him now. I mentioned Carol and that I needed to apologize to her but he begged me not to. He said he had repaired things with her and was recommitted to her fully and faithfully and had gone to confession himself. I wondered about it, but I decided to call Carol anyway. She was surprised and said she was glad to see me at graduation and was so happy for me, and that she had prayed for me often. I did apologize but I left out a few details. I told her I was sorry that I had misled her all along and I was not the saint she wondered I was. I said I used him for sex (without being specific about who I was talking about) and I was just playing childish games and being selfish and had no intention of a relationship outside of casual sex. She was pretty disappointed, but said she was relieved to know I was repenting and changing my methods. Blah. I think I at least met the requirement there to apologize and this was a case that I felt full honesty would hurt more than help.

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Well I’m running out of space yet again so I’m gonna have to end this here. This was my first confession that was really a confession. Don’t worry I’m not gonna become a nun. And I might be working my way off God’s naughty list but I’m still on Santa’s naughty list. Merry Christmas everyone!!

NSFW: yes

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