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Chapter Five: Letting it all Out

“Just great,” I said as I pulled into work. Hank was waiting for me inside the parking lot.

As I parked, he started heading over to me.

He wouldn’t be stupid to try something with all my co-workers standing around, so I got out of the car and stared at him as he walked toward me.

“What?” I asked.

“Now, you’re fucking,” he stopped as he saw some of the black males from my job standing at the loading dock.

“Go ahead,” I said with a smile. “Say it, I dare you,” I said as I looked at him.

“You know what I was going to say,” Hank shook his head.

“No, I don’t, I want you to say it loud and proud,” I smiled as I looked at him.

Again, he looked at the loading dock, then shook his head. Hank was many things suicidal wasn’t one of them.

“You’re the one that came here, I didn’t invite you,” I said as I got my things out of my car. “You have something to say, then say it, or get the fuck gone.”

“If I knew you liked those kinds, I would have never allowed you in my hotel room,” Hank shook his head.

“You’re still on that?” I laughed. “It wasn’t that big of a deal, I have watched commercials that have lasted longer,” I shook my head.

Hank stepped closer to me as I challenged his manhood.

“What? You don’t like the truth?” I said, shaking my head. “You are losing your touch.”

There was a time when Hank could fuck me into exhaustion, and I was sure those days were way behind him. He had a beer gut and even standing here in the sun. I could see he was breathing heavily.

“Fuck you,” Hank shook his head. “I tried to come back here and help you out, but you know what, you’re not worth it!”

Hank walked away and headed for his bike. “Enjoy your colored boyfriend,” he said as he started his motorcycle.

I didn’t have it in me to tell him that Andrew was just someone doing work around the house. If he wanted to believe I was fucking Andrew, that was on him.

“Bye,” I waved as he roared out of the parking lot.

“So, you’re sleeping with a brother,” Logan asked as I walked into the office through the loading dock.

“You wish,” I smiled.

Logan and the other dock workers were harmless. Even if Hank said the word, they would probably yell at him or tell him off, but none of them would hurt him.

As for me, they were my co-workers, sure they would call me names and whistle at me, but not one of them made a serious move on me, even after the divorce.

My favorite was Ms. New Booty. I had to listen to the song to get the meaning, but the name fitted me, so I let them keep it.

“One day that ass is going to have a brother hitting it from behind, mark my words,” Johnathan said.

“Only when he is dreaming,” I smiled as I went to my office.

I had nothing against interracial dating or relationships. It wasn’t for me, not that I didn’t discover some males of different ethnicities attractive. I couldn’t see myself with someone I didn’t have a lot of things in common with, and for the most part, none of the guys I had met so far clicked on any level.

Sure, coming from the woman that fucked four guys on a whim all at once in every imaginable way efficient until all of us were laid out all over the place exhausted was sort of hypocritical. Okay, it was totally hypocritical, but that part of me was long gone.

I wanted something like I had with Jacob that meant the world to me. I wanted someone that woke up every day and wondered of me, and before they went to bed, they wished I was in bed with them. I didn’t want to just fuck and not be with that someone romantically anymore.

I had that one night with Hank because I needed to think clearly, and I was hoping he would accept that it was a one-time thing.

“Thanks again for last night,” I told Charles as he popped into my office.

“No problem,” Charles responded. “He pulls that shit again, just let me know.”

I nodded as I went deep into my work, putting Hank out of my head.

‘We need to talk,’ Jacob texted me just after lunch.

‘Okay, can it wait, or do you want me to call you?’ I replied.

‘It can wait, meet me at your bar, after work,’ Jacob said.

I agreed and thought what it was about. Hopefully, he still wasn’t mad about my stupid opinion last night before he left the house.

I hurried to the bar after work and saw Jacob sitting in his usual booth in the corner.

“Thought you were off today?” Trevor asked.

“I am,” I said as I headed for the booth.

“I ordered mozzarella sticks for you,” Jacob said as I sat down.

“Oh no,” I said, shaking my head.

I loved mozzarella sticks. They were my favorite appetizers. The last time Jacob ordered my favorite, he told me he had proposed to Alyssa, and the time before that, he told me they were moving in together.

“Pull the band-aid,” I said as I picked up one of the sticks.

“She’s pregnant,” Jacob said with a big smile.

“What!” I said, dropping the stick back on the plate.

Jacob and I had tried for another child multiple times, and it never happened. The specialist said it was by pure luck that I had got pregnant the first time, as Jacob had a meager sperm count, and the sperm he had were low activity. She said it was a rare condition, which meant the chances of us getting pregnant again was very low.

“I know!” Jacob said as he continued to smile.

‘That fucking bitch!’ I wondered as he stared at me. I could rip her head right off her shoulders if she were here.

“You’re mad,” Jacob said as he saw the look on my face.

“How?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” Jacob shook his head. “We weren’t even trying; Alyssa had gotten used to the idea that we would never have our own kids. And last night, she told me we were expecting.”

I didn’t know what to say. Part of me wanted to ask if he was sure it was his, but I knew Alyssa. She wouldn’t do a thing like that, not even if someone threatened her. She was more loyal than a dog.

“Say something,” Jacob said; this time, he stopped smiling.

“What do you want me to say,” I said, pushing the plate away. “You want me to be happy, sure, I am happy for Clayton he has always wanted a baby brother or sister, there I said it.”

“Wow, way to be mature,” Jacob shook his head. “Remind me again who cheated on who?”

I shook my head and looked at him.

“I get it,” I nodded. “I did it, I am the reason that baby isn’t inside me and not her, I wake up to that realization every single day, but you need to stop rubbing it in my face!”

Jacob nodded. “It wasn’t my intention, I thought we were friends, and you would want to hear it from me, and not someone else.”

“Congratulations,” I said as I stood up. “Good luck with the marriage and the baby and everything else, but from now on, let me hear it from someone else, this,” I said as I motioned at the table and then to the both of us, “Is too hard on me, so can you do that? Please?”

Jacob nodded. “I’m sorry.”

I nodded and then walked out of the bar. I walked to my car and got in.

I couldn’t believe it.

That was the final nail in the coffin of our relationship. After the divorce, I wondered maybe there was a chance. Then he got with Alyssa, and I wondered she would be too straight-laced for him. Then they moved in together, and I wondered I would just have to be a good friend, and eventually, he would see what he was missing. Then the marriage was announced, and I started to feel he was slipping away, and now he was gonna be a father. He would never leave her. Jacob wasn’t that type of man. He wouldn’t leave her for all the money in the world.

I started crying, knowing it was all my fault, all of it.

There was a knock on the passenger window, and I saw Katie standing there. I hit the unlock button, and she came inside.

“I just heard and knew he would want to tell you,” Katie said as she hugged me and pulled me close.

I broke down immediately.

“It’s okay,” Katie said as she held me.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It wasn’t okay, not at all. They sped up the date of their marriage from four months to three days. They had a small wedding at a church, then a small reception at their house. It was official; they were legally married.

Clayton showed me pictures of the wedding and the reception. He didn’t mean to upset me. He was just happy for his dad and now his stepmom. Clayton was over the moon about having a baby sister or brother.

The dreams of sleeping with Jacob were no more. It was like my mind had officially thrown in the towel. I was alone. Even when I was at the bar and guys hit on me, I felt alone.

I had all the time heard about the pain that never disappeared but never experienced it until now. No matter how much I slept or drank, it lingered, never stopping, never taking a break.

“You can’t keep doing this,” Katie said as she came to my house. “It’s been over two months.”

“Why not,” I said as I poured another drink. “I am not outside, and I don’t invite anyone over.”

“I didn’t say you were going to do something stupid,” Katie said as she took the bottle from my hand. “You still have Clayton.”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I have Clayton for now,” I corrected as I looked at her. “You think he will want to come over here when the baby comes?”

“Yes,” Katie said. “You forget how much a baby cries, and how much attention it needs? Clayton will want to come over a lot more, just to get away.”

I wondered about it for a few moments. “Nope, Clayton loves to help, he will want to help do everything for it.”

“So, you’re just going to drink and drink, until what?” Katie asked. “What’s the end game here?”

“There is none,” I shrugged. “It dulls the pain and the thoughts,” I said as I pulled the bottle away from her. “You should be pointing and laughing and saying I told you so,” I said as I slumped onto the couch. “After all you were yelling at me to stop, right?”

Katie shook her head. “I will come back when you’re sober,” she said as she walked towards the door.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~

Sobriety didn’t last long. It only came when I went to work and the few weekends I had Clayton. Then one day, I heard a noise outside my back door.

“Oh, it’s you,” I said as I saw Andrew as I looked out the back window.

“The parts came, I will get started, shouldn’t take me long, a week or less,” Andrew said.

“Take your time,” I said as I returned to the living room.

There was a knock on my front door.

“What?” I asked, thinking it was Katie. She had been giving me the silent treatment for a couple of days.

“You look like shit,” Andrew said as he stared at me.

I wore a long shirt with no bra on and white jogging pants. My hair was messy. It was Sunday, and I had nowhere to go. I hadn’t showered since I left for work Friday morning, so I was sure I looked and smelt like the way I felt inside.

“Thanks, what do you want?” I asked as I went back to my chair.

He flicked a picture onto my lap. I looked at it and saw a pretty black woman standing next to him.

“She’s short,” I said as I looked at it.

“Taller than you,” Andrew said as he took it back.

“Wife?” I asked.

“Ex,” Andrew said as he put it back in his wallet.

“Sorry to hear,” I said, picking up my drink.

“After I came back, I wasn’t the same,” Andrew said as he sat down. “None of us really come back the same as we left,” he said, nodding his head, “But they always say buck up, go to the meetings and charge ahead.”

I stared at him. “You served?”

“Yup,” Andrew nodded. He lifted his arm sleeve and showed the tattoo he had. I had seen something like it several times around the bar and at work.

“I didn’t know,” I nodded.

“How were you supposed to,” Andrew said.

“So, what happened?” I asked.

“I went to the meetings, did the rounds, took the medications,” Andrew nodded. “But couldn’t get things right, then one day I stopped, stopped going to the meetings, stopped doing the rounds and stopped the medication, all of it.”

“Hit rock bottom,” I nodded.

“The lowest,” Andrew nodded. “Started finding peace and quiet in the bottom of a bottle, just like yours.”

I looked at the bottle and back at him.

“One day we got into a heated argument, she left out the door in a hurry,” Andrew said. Tears swelled up in his eyes. “They said she was doing eighty, when her car hit the tree,” he nodded. “Eighty miles per hour,” he shook his head. “Dead on impact.”

My eyes widened.

“I vowed that day, I would never pick up another bottle ever again,” Andrew said. “Whatever you’re looking for, you won’t find it in all the bottles in the world, I just thought you should know,” he stood up and walked towards the door.

After Andrew left, I stared at the bottle, and for what seemed like over an hour, I just swirled it around and around, watching the liquid inside spin in circles. Finally, I went to the sink and poured it all out.

“Time to get back on the horse,” I said as I watched the brown liquid go down the drain.

“Welcome back,” Katie said as I went to her house the following day.

“Sorry,” I nodded.

“Nothing to be sorry about,” Katie smiled. “We all fall off, glad to see you get back on,” she said. “So, what’s the plan?”

“Nothing,” I shrugged. “No plan, going to take it one day at a time.”

“Sounds good to me,” Katie smiled.

We talked for a while, and then I headed out. I had taken the day off and wanted to do some me time.

I drove around for a while and found myself outside Alyssa’s workplace.

I walked inside, and Alyssa’s eyes widened as she saw me. She was sitting behind the reception desk, taking information from one of the patients.

When the patient left, I stepped up to the desk.

“First,” I said as I cleared my throat, “I want to say I am sorry for how I have treated you these past years,” I nodded. “You’re good to my son and good to Jacob, and I have trashed talked you and belittled you as often as I could, and I am sorry.”

Alyssa nodded and stared at me.

“Second, congratulations, even though we have different ideals and ways of raising a child, I think you will be a great mother,” I nodded.

“That means a lot to me,” Alyssa nodded.

“Third, and final,” I said as I leaned in close. “Hurt either of them, in any shape or form, they will never, and I mean never find your body,” I said, staring at her blue eyes. “Do I make myself clear?”

Alyssa smiled. “You can leave now,” she said as she looked at the patients sitting in the chairs behind me.

I nodded and slowly walked out the door.

“The bitch is back,” I said as I looked back and saw Alyssa talking on her phone.

No doubt talking to Jacob.

A few minutes later, my phone rang. It was Jacob. I didn’t answer it. There was no need to hear what he had to say. I said what I said, and I meant it.

“What the fuck do you want?” Hank asked as he opened the door of his hotel.

“You ever, and I mean ever come around my house again,” I said as I aimed my gun at his crotch.

Hank’s eyes were wide open, and I pushed my way inside. I slammed the door behind me.

“Sorry!” Hank said as he looked around, no doubt for his gun or something to hit me with. I pushed it into him harder.

“You are going to leave me alone, Jacob alone, and definitely Clayton alone,” I said as I stared at him.

Hank nodded.

“Good,” I said as I put it away.

I waited for him to say something, anything.

“That it?” Hank asked as he calmed down.

“No, but it’s the start,” I smiled.

“Glad to see the old you return,” Hank said as he lit a cigarette.” It seems like my job here is done.”

I shook my head. “Thanks.”

“No problem, we all need a kick in the ass,” Hank said as he handed me a cigarette.

I hadn’t smoked since I knew I was pregnant with Clayton.

I looked at it reluctantly and then shrugged. The first drag made me cough, but I got used to it afterward.

“So, now what?” Hank asked. “She back for good, or just until she feels like being all goody two shoes again?”

“No idea,” I shrugged. “I can’t be like I was, that’s for sure.”

“What? No orgies and group sex, just for the fuck of it?” Hank asked.

“Nope,” I shook my head. “But I am tired of playing the victim, tired of apologizing and playing the good person all the time.”

“Amen to that,” Hank nodded. “So, something in the middle, not like your parents, but not like the married wife, something in between.”

“Exactly,” I nodded. “What are you going to do?”

“Head out tomorrow,” Hank nodded. “I heard about you being all bent out of shape and now you’re all straightened out,” Hank shrugged. “Time for me to go.”

“You know you didn’t do this right?” I shook my head.

“No, but if I wasn’t here, you wouldn’t have gotten pissed, and you would have tried to find some way of apologizing again,” Hank smiled.

I nodded that part was true, he did begin me on the road, so I had to give him that much.

“One last ride before I go,” Hank smiled, looking at the bed.

“Not if you were the last man on earth,” I said, standing up. “Have a good one Hank.”

“You too Shelly,” Hank said.

I drove home and saw Jacob’s truck parked in my driveway.

I smiled as I saw him standing outside talking to Andrew. I pulled in and got out of the car.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Jacob yelled at me.

“You tell me,” I shouted back. “What did you expect?”

“Oh, you’re smoking again?” Jacob asked as he came close to me.

“Maybe,” I yelled back. “Again, none of your business.”

“Well, threatening my wife is,” Jacob said.

“Not a threat, a promise, something I should have done years ago,” I said as I walked past him.

“I am not done yet,” Jacob yelled.

“Well, I am,” I yelled back. “Now kindly, get the fuck off my property.”

Jacob looked at me, and for the first time since the divorce, I think he finally saw the old me, not the woman he had married and changed. I was the bitch that took his virginity in the woods.

The one that pushed him down to the ground yanked his pants down and rode his long white cock on the dirt ground until he came inside her, not once or twice, but three times. That was the woman he was looking at now.

“What?” I asked. “You forgot how to drive? Get in the driver’s seat push the button that starts the engine and drive that piece of shit Ford off my property.”

Jacob slowly walked back to his truck. He stared at me as I stood in my doorway. I stared back at him.

I watched as he pulled away.

“Nice,” Andrew nodded.

“You approve?” I asked.

“Definitely,” Andrew nodded. “He’s had it coming for a long time now.”

“I am sure I will hear about it later,” I nodded.

“Then deal with it later,” Andrew smiled.

I nodded again. “You need help?” I asked. “I feel like hitting something with a hammer,” I said.

“How about using a power tool?” Andrew asked as he pointed to the giant saw.

“Yes!” I yelled as I walked towards his truck.

***Author’s Note: The rest of this story as well as many others of my stories are on my other pages, the links to which can be found*** [***here***](

NSFW: yes

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