I hesitate on the doorstep before I step inside. This was such a bad idea. I know this, but I cannot help but follow through. Through the living room, down the hall and right into his bedroom. I can hear soft whispering from inside, and I freeze.
Why did I think I need to do this?
But a moment later, I hear the gasping moans of someone caught up in pleasure. My resolve weakens as I realize that I cannot walk away from this. I need to see what’s happening. Slowly, I push the door open.
He’s there, on the bed, with another man. They’re both naked, sheets tangled around them as they writhe and twist. I can see everything, the sweat on their skin, the clenching of muscles as they move together. It’s both gorgeous and strange.
I’m not sure how long I stand there, simply watching. Maybe just a second, maybe an eternity. But in that moment, the world is clear. I want him. I want him just as much as I want what he’s doing with that other man.
I cannot help it. The force of my desire overwhelms me, and I step forward. They don’t notice at first, not until I’m right next to them. And then they both stop, staring up at me like I’m a ghost.
I cannot speak, cannot make a sound. The only thing I can do is take off my clothes and climb onto the bed next to them. They look at each other, and then at me, and I swear there’s something in their gaze that tells me they’re eager to play along.
The next few hours were a blur. I don’t remember much of what happened, other than the feeling of skin on skin, of whispering and moaning. I know at some point they both had their hands on me, and at another point I was on the bottom, and they were taking turns.
It was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. And yet, the entire time, there was a tiny voice in the back of my head telling me I shouldn’t be doing this. That he was my stepbrother, and this was wrong.
But the passion and lust overpower everything, until there’s nothing left to feel but their touch. And in those moments, I’m alive with desire and pleasure.
It doesn’t stop there.
Over the next few weeks, we discover methods to meet secretly. More than once, we end up in each other’s arms, sweating and gasping together. Every time, I feel like I’m doing something forbidden and wrong. But every time, I want more.
I discover myself thinking about him at all times, about what he’s doing and when we’ll be together again. It’s like I’ve fallen into some dark, forbidden hole, and I’m lost.
And then one day, it all falls aside.
That evening, my father comes to talk to me. He’s grave, his expression somber as he explains what’s happened. There’s been a complaint from one of the neighbors, and an investigation has been launched.
I can barely breathe. I know they’ll figure out everything, uncover all of our secrets. The shame I feel is almost too much to bear.
It’s like everything I knew has come crashing down, and I’m left to pick up the pieces.
And yet… part of me is still yearning for him.
The next few months were the worst of my life.
My father is angry and hurt, and he takes it out on me. He throws me out of the house, telling me he cannot bear to see me again. I’m left to try and pick up the pieces of my life, knowing that what I did was wrong, and that I’ll never be able to make it right.
And yet, no matter how hard I try, I cannot shake the memory of him. Every time I’m alone, I discover my thoughts drifting to him, to what we had together. I live for that forbidden, pleasurable feeling, and it consumes everything around me like a wildfire.
Until one day, he shows up at my doorstep.
I cannot believe my eyes. He’s here, standing in front of me, looking as handsome as ever. For a moment, I’m so thrilled, I want to throw myself into his arms and forget everything that’s happened.
But then the memory of the shame and guilt that still lingers makes me hesitate. I try to push him away, but he’s insistent.
That night is the most incredible of my life.
He’s the same as all the time, but different in a way. It’s like he’s more desperate, more hungry for the pleasure of our forbidden lust. There’s an urgency to everything we do, as if we both know that this could be our last chance.
And yet, even as we cling to each other, I know this cannot last. We’re living on borrowed time, and the outside world is still there, waiting to rip us aside.
It’s in the morning, as we’re both getting dressed, that we know it must end.
He leans in and kisses me softly on the lips, his eyes burning with a fierce emotion.
“I can’t see you again,” he says, his voice low.
I try to say something, anything, but the words won’t come out.
He disappears from my life, leaving me as alone as ever. And yet, part of me will all the time belong to him, and I’ll never forget what we shared together.
It was a dark and twisted ride, but I know that I would all the time make the same choice if given the opportunity to do it all over again.