( This was never a real episode of The Office)

Valentines Day was all the time a special day at the office of Dunder Mifflin. It seemed like everyone was either sending or receiving candy and flowers to that special someone.

Phyllis had an over the top arrangement of flowers sent by her boyfriend Bob Vance, of Vance Refrigeration. Pam had the homemade charm that Jim made for her, and Kevin had the box of chocolates that he sent to himself.

The real mystery was who would be Angela’s valentine. The prudish blonde accountant was leading on both Andy and Dwight, making them compete for her. And this was not an easy woman to please.

She dumped Andy’s bouquet of flowers in the trash, because her cats, Pinky and Stinky, were allergic. And she did the same with the box of chocolates she received from Dwight. Apparently she was disgusted by chocolate after watching Kevin fill his face with candy all day long.

She appeared to be leading Andy on. She would only let the Cornell alum kiss her on the forehead, whereas with Dwight, they would have secret rendezvous for quickie sex in the Dunder Mifflin warehouse.

For Valentines Day, the bitchy blonde made a personal video for Dwight, from her bed, wearing a sexy new nightie and using a very unique sex toy.

Although Angela made the video from the privacy of her own bedroom, she sent it to Dwight via email, so he could enjoy it at work, right under everybody’s nose.

The normally upright blonde went all out with her seductive video, looking very sexy in her sheer sky blue teddy, that revealed much more than you would expect from someone with such strict rules about sex as her.

She had a camera all set up at the foot of her bed, with extra pillows fluffed up behind her as she laid back, in her best sexy pose.

Making a sexy video was harder than she anticipated, especially with her cats, Pinky and Stinky constantly interrupting her and photobombing her intimate sex tape.

Angela fought through and eventually succeeded in filming herself getting all warmed up for her special lover. She was extremely turned on, performing for the camera, playing with herself to the point of losing all of her inhibitions, as well as her self-control.

The petite prudish blonde was happy with her “coming out” video, and couldn’t wait to download it and email it to her secret boyfriend.

When she finally hit the send button, a determined smile appeared, as she liked the idea of doing something naughty that nobody else would know about. Pam and Jim wouldn’t be the only ones with a secret office affair. She couldn’t wait until Valentines Day, when everyone else would be sniffing flowers and eating chocolate, Dwight would be treated to an intimate sexy show.

In the office on the morning of Valentines Day, Angela kept an eye in Dwight, glancing over in his direction every chance she got. The two lovers tried to be inconspicuous with their glancing smiles, hoping to keep their secret relationship under wraps.

The tall dorky assistant to the regional manager, was getting in the holiday mood, and decided to slip away and do some Valentines shopping for his lady. He asked if Jim could cover for him, and left to discover the perfect gift. Perhaps a package of jerky, or maybe a heart-shaped planter of fresh beets.

While Dwight took off on his romantic errand, Jim got on his co-worker’s computer, scrolling through his emails, before coming across one from Angela Martin, with several red hearts in the subject line.

His was curious, but instead of just opening it, he forwarded the message to his own profile. Jim nonchalantly picked up his laptop and walked over to the receptionist’s desk asking Pam if she wanted to read Angela’s Valentine message to Dwight, not knowing what was really in the sexy email.

Sensing they were uncovering something juicy, Pam met Jim in the conference room, looking over their shoulder, as if they were undercover spies trading classified documents.

Jim opened the email that said:

❤️ Happy Valentines Day, Dwight. ❤️ For your eyes only.❤️

The text had a file attached to it.

Jim and Pam looked at each with raised eyebrows and mouths wide open at what they’d come across. Before they could decide if they were gonna go any further and invade their privacy, Kevin and Oscar walked in on them, asking if there was a meeting.

Jim and Pam let them in on their little secret telling them about Angela valentine to Dwight. They were both somewhat surprised, thinking that Angela hated everybody.

Jim told the two guys from accounting to keep it to themselves, as he opened the file and the video that came with it. It was barely started, with a title card that said Happy Valentine’s Day, when Jim quickly hit the pause button, after hearing the door open behind them.

It was Meredith and Kelly, asking if there was a meeting. Oscar explained to them that Jim and Pam found a special Valentine for Dwight from Angela, and they wanted to take a peek to see what sort of romantic note the icy blonde could come up with. Meredith stated to no one in particular, that she wondered Angela hated everyone, echoing the comment of Oscar and Kevin.

“Who hates everyone?”

The room began to fill up as Andy wandered in to see what everyone was up to, and the conference room started to get chaotic as the mysterious love letter was on everyone’s mind. Everyone was talking at the same time, with their own unique take on the hot topic.

Meredith: Angela

Andy: What about her?

Kelly: She hates everyone.

Andy: Well, I gotta go ahead and disagree with you on that. There’s a certain gentleman from this office that she’s sweet on. (Straightening his tie, referring to himself)

Kevin: Yeah, Dwight

Oscar: Angela sent a secret Valentine message to Dwight. Be quiet, so that she doesn’t hear us. (motioning towards Angela’s desk with his eyes)

Andy: Well, how do you know it wasn’t meant for me?

Jim: Because it was addressed to Dwight

Pam: That’s right. As a matter of fact it read, Happy Valentines Day, Dwight. For your eyes only.

Andy: She was probably being sarcastic. You know Angela.

Kelly: You’re just jealous. Now be quiet so we can see the Valentine

Jim: Okay, here it is(pushing the play button)

Pam: Is that her bedroom?

Andy: Hey, what are Pinky and Stinky doing there?

Meredith: Pinky and Stinky? Let me guess…

Oscar: Her Cats. Pinky and Stinky are her cats.

Kevin: WOW! Angela’s kinda hot!

Pam: Oh My God! She’s wearing Victoria’s Secret!

Jim: Victoria?

Kelly: Wow, that color looks so good on her.

Andy: Should we really be watching this?

Pam: Oh My God! She’s playing with herself!

Kevin: Oh yeah!!

Oscar: I’ve never seen this side of Angela before.

Jim: Yeah, a real sex kitten.

Pam: Jim!! (poking him in the ribs, scolding him)

Andy: (Embarrassed that everyone got to see a side of Angela that she denied him) Guys! C’mon! We shouldn’t be doing this!

Meredith: Speak for yourself. If the little stick girl wants to play her banjo, let her!

Kelly: Is she masturbating?

Oscar: She’s definitely self stimulating.

Andy: I can not believe this. For Dwight?

Kelly: Dwight is so lucky. You must be really jealous.

Pam: She’s getting up. It must be over. Thank God!

Meredith: Looks to me like she’s just getting started.

Kelly: She’s just taking her panties off.

Kevin: YES!!!!

Andy: Oh God! This isn’t fair!

Pam: Is she shaved? Oh My God! Angela shaved for Dwight!

Andy: Aw, man! I can not believe she shaved her pussy!

Meredith: Yep. Clean as a whistle.

Jim: Well, she did all the time take care of her pussies.

Kelly: How can someone so small have such huge labia?

Meredith: And I wondered I had meaty lips

Kevin: It’s so pink

Oscar: Don’t slobber, Kevin. It’s disrespectful.

Kevin: I’m not. The way she tickles it just make me feel kinda tingly inside.

Oscar: It’s called arousal, Kevin.

Kevin: Well then I must be aroused.

Kelly: Control yourself, Kevin. Just because Angela is masturbating doesn’t mean you have to.

Andy: This is unfrickinbelievable!

Pam: She must be in heaven. I’ve never seen her look so happy.

Meredith: I wonder if having two fingers in her vag has anything to do with that.

Kevin: If she’s so happy, why is she screaming?

Oscar: It’s called an orgasm, Kevin.

Jim: I think Angela calls them “whoregasms”

Andy: That’s not funny, Jim.

Meredith: It’s kinda funny

Pam: What’s she doing now?

Kelly: She’s showing us her ass.

Jim: You could say the cat lady likes it doggystyle.

Pam: Oh, Angela

Kevin: Wow, nice ass!

Meredith: You call that an ass? More like two pancakes.

Kelly: Look at her pooper! It’s so tiny!

Pam: Really Kelly? Her pooper?

Kelly: What? You’ve never heard that expression?

Kevin: I like how she wiggles her pooper.

Pam: See what you’ve done! Now Kevin’s saying it.

Oscar: The proper term is anus, actually.

Meredith: Well don’t look now, because Angela is fingering her anus.

Andy: You’ve gotta be frickin’ kidding me! She won’t let me kiss her on the mouth, but she shakes her pooper, excuse me, anus, for the whole world to see.

Pam: Oh my! It really is tiny! Her finger barely fits.

Jim: Well, you know what they say. If the anus fits…..

Andy: Nobody says that, Jim! Nobody frickin’ says that!

Kevin: I wonder if Dwight does her in the butt?

Oscar: KEVIN!!

Andy: Dwight does NOT do her in the butt!

Kelly: There’s no way. That’s gotta hurt.

Meredith: It’s not that bad.

Kelly: EWWW!!

Jim: Well, at least now we know why named her cats Pinky and Stinky.

Pam: (giggling) Oh stop it. You’re terrible.

Oscar: There goes the rest of her teddy!

Kevin: Oh Boy! Titties!

Kelly: Aw, I wondered she looked so cut in that blue teddy.

Meredith: You wondered her butt was tiny. Look at those tits! They look like mosquito bites.

Pam: What’s she getting from her nightstand? Is that a vibrator?

Oscar: It’s too thick for a vibrator. I think it might be a portable hitachi wand.

Jim: Is that what I think it is?

Pam: It looks like Dwight’s bobblehead.

Jim: Oh my God! It is!

Meredith: Not my first choice for a sex toy.

Kelly: Ok, now thisis getting weird.

Andy: We just watched her flash her shaved pussy and finger her butthole, and now you think its frickin’ weird?

Pam: What is she doing?

Jim: It looks to me like she’s doing Dwight’s bobblehead.

Kelly: She’s really is using it as a sex toy.

Meredith: Again, not my first choice.

Kevin: (chuckling) It looks like Dwight is going down on Angela.

Andy: That’s just great! I get shut out, and even Dwight’s frickin’ bobblehead is getting some pussy!

Pam: Oh dear! I think she’s gonna have another orgasm.

Meredith: I think we can all agree, it’s a whoregasm now.

Kelly: Look at that head move! I wish Ryan would do that.

Pam: Oh My God! What’s happening?

Meredith: I think little Miss Goody Two Shoes just sprung a leak.

Andy: Holy Shit! She’s Peeing!!

Kevin: Oh, man!

Oscar: Actually, it’s a female ejaculation.

Kelly: Yeah moron. Haven’t you ever heard of squirting?

Pam: Wow! She got it everywhere!

Jim: Well, you all the time said she was a wet blanket.

Angela: What’s going on in here? Don’t you people have work to do? Where’s Dwight?

Jim: (quickly turning the video off) Hi Angela! We were just wondering the same thing. He said he was gonna run some errands. Maybe he was gonna try to discover a new bobblehead for his desk. I noticed the other one was missing.

Angela: Well I wouldn’t know anything about that.