“Hey, wake up.”

“Huh?” I stirred finding myself face down on Jaquan’s mattress with a blanket draped over my naked body.

“Come on get up and eat.” Rashida was standing there wrapped in a plush fleece house robe. She was holding a plate of breakfast food that smelled incredible as I shook the sleep from my eyes.

“Uhm, did we like, finish?”

“Sorry, but you dropped off a few minutes after.” She didn’t look overly upset about it, but I was embarrassed at what I considered poor performance. I sat up covering my lower half with the blanket as Rashida put the plate in my lap fishing out a fork and spoon. She even went so far as to put a sausage link in my mouth.

“Shit, I can believe I missed out on that; you looked incredible last night.”

“Hey daddy, it ain’t no one time thing, okay?” She opened the robe flashing the bodysuit underneath closing it quickly chuckling as she tightened the sash around her narrow waist.

“Maybe?”

“No, I’ve gotta run a few errands this morning including grocery shopping; I thought about asking you to be my pack mule, but uh, you probably should hang out here.” She stuffed her hands in her pockets smiling encouragingly at me.

“Well, can you keep that on all day?”

“I’m not going grocery shopping in this; are you crazy negro?!! “

“I was thinking maybe you could go the Clark Kent route and wear it underneath your clothes; I’m so fucking inspired right now and you said you wanted me to make you even more internet famous, didn’t you? I’m just getting you primed for the pump Rashida.”

“Oh yeah, well this looks like it’s ready for a pump or two; but I’ve gotta take care of some things and you’ve got business.”

“What business?”

“EAT!” My plate consisted of some pancakes, cheese eggs, sausage links and a small bowl of grits. Rashida had gone the whole nine yards this morning getting a knee up on the mattress spooning some butter sweetened grits into my mouth.

She was taking care of me with this heartened look on her face that read friendship and nothing more.

“Hey, about last night…”

“We can talk about it later; right now, I want you to eat while I get dressed. And don’t get any funny ideas about running in on me in the Shower because I’m locking that door fool. If you want, I’ll wear this again later, or I could let you pick something nice out for me after you do my laundry.

“Laundry?!”

“Yeah nigga, you gonna do my laundry today and while you’re at it, I think the least you can do is your cousin’s laundry too. That shit might help you sidestep that foot up your Ass for messing up his furniture.”

“Aw man Rashida.” She chuckled spooning more grits into my mouth as she slid off the edge of the bed.

“Don’t you turn that fucking gaming pc on until the first load is in the wash; the basket is just inside Daisy’s door with some liquid detergent on top of my clothes. Just use that because the other stuff makes my skin itch. Don’t mess this up.” She truly sounded like a mother making me chuckled to myself as I ate.

“Rashida, I’ve got a first load for you.” I half joked.

“Stop fishing; I’m gonna have to stop spoiling you with the buns.”

“Well can I get a peek before you go baby?”

Rashida returned a dead stare then relented undoing her sash flashing her body for a moment. I noticed one of her exposed breasts in that brief instant getting rock hard. Her brown eyes flashed at the tent in the blanket covering my nudity. She quickly covered up grabbing the doorknob.

“Five minutes.”

“NO!” I was hit in the face with my sweat pants which had been hanging on the hook behind the door. Rashida closed the bedroom door with a chuckle as I batted away the pants covering my face. I took a few bits of egg and a portion of pancake processing things.

“You little minx.” I commented eating waiting until she was good and lathered up listening to the Shower full blast.

My android had been placed on the side table plugged into the new lamp Rashida bought my cousin after smashing the old one to smithereens. My phone was flashing with a message which turned out to be a new video sent during the night at some point.

Zoya sent a second video clip which told the tale of her momentous night with my cousin in more detail. She was seen in my cousin’s lap nude other than a brassiere. Jaquan looked equal parts horrified and enraptured as she beat his back out against the passenger seat of her husband’s Tesla.

I’d really put the dogs on my cousin watching her perfect fifty inches bouncing, popping, and maniacally grinding him so hard, the brother was almost pushed into the back seat. The accredited scholar and professor looked nothing of the sort drenched in perspiration.

“Oh yeah.” I set my plate aside hopping out of bed with the intent of railing the snot out of Rashida in that Shower. I was so hard; my cock was pointed out in front of my body like a flagpole.

“Fuck.” The door was locked. Rashida didn’t make a peep from the other side probably still washing up.

I was instantly distracted by the sound of loud blubbery snoring coming from the living room.

I peered around the corner finding my cousin’s feet hanging off the one end of his new couch as my heart leapt into my throat. Now I understood why Rashida said I’d have to stay behind because it seemed the chickens had come home to roost in the form of my prone unconscious cousin Jaquan.

One peculiar detail was that one of his shoes was missing along with the sock.

“Oh fuck me man.” I mumbled under my breath retreating to his bedroom to retrieve my phone and an insurance policy on my immediate health. I got into my clothing sort of on the fence between hashing things out or getting an Uber home.

“Still wanna fuck around daddy?” Rashida opened the bathroom wearing an aviator jumpsuit fitted to her curves.

“Be quiet, let him sleep.” I shushed her getting my hand batted away when I tried to press a finger to her lips.

I tiptoed out into the living room phone in hand taking stock of the situation.

Jaquan was sprawled out spread eagle with one foot on the floor, the foot that had the shoe on while his bare foot was propped up on the wall. His shirt had some visible tears in it exposing parts of his chest with a portion of his pec exposed. His neck was a mess of hickeys and much to my chagrin, I detected some sort of salty odor likening it to saliva.

“Check that out daddy.” Rashida whispered into my ear.

The fly on his pants was mangled with portions of his boxers underneath showing and dare I say, his junk as well. There was a story there I didn’t want to know as I found myself looking at the exposed foot. There was pink nail polish on it. Rashida chuckled in my ear, pressed against my back.

“Fuck is wrong with you?” I whispered back.

“I think its funny.”

“Says the girl who got pissed when I played a shitty prank on her.” I reminded in whisper.

“Says the nigga who shat his pants after said retaliatory prank.” She reminded back as I turned bodying into her. We were damn near the same height. Rashida Sikes was a good five eight and a half, but we both knew she was putty in my hands normally.

She broke up the fake standoff with a peck on the lips and gregarious smile.

“Bitch.” I whispered.

“Don’t tell him and he won’t know.” Rashida swiped her hand downward in stinging fashion on my cousin’s exposed foot.

“HEY GET OFF ME GOTDAMMIT!!!” Jaquan bolted upward into a sitting position on his new couch shocking both of us enough to actually jump back from the couch.

I found myself looking at his face noticing one of his eyes was red. Rashida was bravely hiding behind me face pressed into the center of my back. Jaquan sat there looking around the room acting as if he had a hangover before his eyes settled on me.

“Where’s my car?”

“Right outside Jaquan; uhm right there where you usually park it with a full tank of gas, and uh, I got it washed too.” This man had been down five stretches of bad road sexually speaking. Rashida peered over my shoulder apprehensively.

“Hey bruh, you good?”

“I-uh, don’t know.” Jaquan collapsed backward laying there facing the ceiling. I exchanged glances with Rashida getting a rough nudge forward in the back.

“Uhm, sorry about that?” I framed my complicit actions as a question standing there in a hunched position.

Jaquan sat up again making us jointly flinch nearly toppling over staring pointedly at my face. Then he collapsed again facepalming as the words started to flow.

“Man if I got here at anytime before four in the morning, your Ass would’ve been stomped the fuck out lying up in my new bed with your girl there!! Nigga you needs to catch some Hot fire for fucking up my brand new couch too!! You just had to go and mess my shit up because I tossed your shit in the backyard, didn’t you?!! You and motherfucking Rashida left a nasty Ass stain on my shit too.”

Rashida was about to protest, but I clamped a hand over her mouth begging off mutely.

“That’s a lot of shits.” Rashida joked getting a nudge from me then punching my bicep in return.

“Jaquan, I’ll pay to have your couch steam cleaned.”

“Damn right you are cuz; you know sometimes I forget how young you are because we been through it together, but I’ve gotta tell you that I ain’t ever gonna underestimate your Ass again. Man you got me fucked up last night dude!! WHO WAS THAT FEMALE?!!!”

“She didn’t tell you her name?”

“She asked my name and asked if I had what she wanted; then when I offered her the money that was all she wrote cuz. Bet you thought it was funny sticking that damn condom in-between those bills, huh? WHO WAS THAT FUCKING FEMALE, HUH NIGGA?!!”

“Uhm, my coworker like I said Jaquan; well uh, former coworker because she’s banned from going into my building currently unless she has a written pass, go figure? Uh, name’s Zoya. Zoya Berhan to be exact Jaquan.”

“Did you know she was married?”

“Well, yeah; but it’s okay because her husband is mostly gay.” I offered getting an incredulous look from Rashida who backed up a step while Jaquan propped himself up on an elbow, brows raised.

“Are you motherfucking serious; HOW IS THAT GUY GAY WITH THAT FUCKING Wife?!! BITCH MAULED ME LIKE WOLVERINE!! MY PIPES CLEANED FOR THE NEXT TEN YEARS CUZ!!”

“Well, she uhm, said she needed some attention and well, I knew you could use some as well.”

“Hey bruh, I hate to be that kind of bitch, but where’s your other shoe?” Rashida interrupted getting a shove from me and shoving back brow raised.

“SHE TOOK MY FUCKING SHOE!! JUST SNATCHED IT OFF MY FOOT WHEN THE COPS SHOWED UP!!” We jointly bucked our eyes as Jaquan recounted a sexual night from hell courtesy of yours truly. Rashida gave me a look that made me feel like I was going to the wood shed.

“Cops?”

“When I finally got away from her and found my ride missing; your coworker convinced me to get into her Tesla; but that bitch drove down to the end of the train tracks and told me I wasn’t getting home until I gave her a few more rounds!! DON’T PLAY STUPID CAUSE I KNOW SHE SENT YOU A VIDEO!!”

“She sent another video?” Rashida cut in again making Jaquan look at me like a piece of shit.

“Hey man, you still might get a two piece and sides for pulling this shit my nigga! I would be kicking off in your Ass if it weren’t for one thing!”

“What’s that Jaquan?”

“THAT WAS ONE OF THE GREATEST FUCKS IN MY LIFE FOR REALS NIGGA!!” I let out a sigh of relief while Rashida scoffed hands on her wide hips as my cousin busted up basking in the memory.

“Both of yall, are way too much alike at this point.” I found myself laughing as well.

“DAMN MAN, THAT BITCH MADE ME FEEL LIKE A FEMALE!! I GOTTA ADMIT I GOT-GOT CUZ!! UH, ZOYA WAS ABOUT THAT LIFE ON A BROTHER!! AW SHIT SHE HAD ME PINNED DOWN FOR REALS!! That’s your coworker?”

“Yeah, what’s this about the police?”

“Saved my Ass when they showed up flashing their Maglite’s into Zoya’s ride. Her old man was worried, reported the car stolen and they found us with fucking low jack! Can you believe your girl Zoya rolled down the window and told them cops to wait their turn?!! THAT SHIT WAS SO WILD I FORGOT TO BE WORRIED FOR MY LIFE!! Man, the cops drove my Ass home if you can believe that shit. Zoya got my fucking shoe when they pulled me out of there.”

“What happened down there?” Rashida pointed at the mismatched mess that was his mangled crotch.

“Oh, yeah; well I tried to zip up when I realized the police showed up, but your girl wasn’t trying to hear that shit yanking and pulling on my zipper until it got like this. That’s when I ended up losing a shoe.”

“That’s fucked up.” Rashida commented with a look of disgust on her face while I shrugged.

“Hey wait, can you guys help me out?” Jaquan asked.

When we didn’t get his meaning right away, he motioned towards his crotch.

Rashida and I ended up doing rock paper scissors to determine who would be the crash test dummy for my cousin. I beat her simply using paper while she used rock two times out of a possible three. My muse was given the unenviable task of cutting a hole in his jeans to Free his junk. Jaquan was way too skittish to do it himself as Rashida shot me a few mean looks.

“Hey bruh, you needs to hit that Shower; what’s that smell anyway?”

“I ain’t gonna answer while you cutting my dick out of these pants, but Zoya’s one hell of a squirter if you know what I mean?” Rashida stopped what she was doing taking a moment to give me the stink eye before resuming her charitable work cutting a hole in Jaquan’s pants. Both of us were laughing at a shared experience.

“Both of yall nasty.”

“Says the female who left a big Ass wet stain on my new couch.” Jaquan retorted while I averted my eyes covertly twirling a finger at Rashida who got my meaning.

“Better shut up before I don’t buy no groceries fool!”

“What, you got my rent?” Jaquan retorted as she paused glaring back at me. I started doing this slow clap to diffuse the situation from escalation that would ultimately expose me before I was ready.

“You guys are too funny; I’m really glad to be here with both of you. I didn’t want to spend this holiday weekend alone.”

“Well if you really feel that way you’ll pick up around here besides doing my laundry.”

“OH HEY CUZ; CAN YOU DO MINE TOO?!!” Jaquan piped up as his dong flopped out with a bit of denim still stuck to it making Rashida a little green around the gills.

“YEAH HE’LL TAKE CARE OF IT!!” Rashida shouted giving me a raised eyebrow and stern look.

“Yeah sure.” I knew capitulating was the least path of resistance.

“Cool, I’ve gotta get ready for a play date with Daisy thanks to you cuz, I’m gonna be so focused today. I’m kinda taking a break with Takisha; just not feeling it you know?”

“I guess.” Rashida was in the kitchen washing the hell out of her hands with some liquid soap. I got a side eye which I ignored.

“Guess I should be thanking you man.” Jaquan gave me a pat on the back.

“You should be washing that smelly Ass bruh.” Rashida couldn’t help herself making a snarky comment or helping herself to that last can of vegetable juice in the fridge.

Jaquan just laughed disappearing into his bedroom to get some clothing and towels leaving us alone.

“You know you’ve gotta tell him, right?”

“I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.” My arms were folded across my chest as she picked up her trusty satchel bag starting towards the door.

“Well you’d better hurry it up or your Ass gonna be falling down like that fucking London bridge.” Rashida disappeared leaving me alone with my conscious and chores.

Jaquan left happily twenty minutes later leaving me to my thoughts.

After calling up a local service, I picked up the house a bit knowing that I’d get caught up again if I went after my gaming pc. I walked the trash to the back alley through my cousin’s yard before opening the garage where his washing machine and dryer were kept.

I took a moment to look at the old couch leaning against the fence silently weighing the cost of revealing my indiscretion to my cousin. The best time would’ve been the morning when we woke him up, but I’d chickened out.

Now my mind worked differently these days. I was constantly strategizing people.

I was tainted.

“HEY!!” She called out to me as I walked out of the side entrance carrying Rashida’s laundry to the wash.

“Shit.”

Takisha was standing at the end of the walk glaring at me. She was a long lean modelesque vision draped in a Hot pink t-shirt dress with a deep plunging neckline putting her charms on display. Takisha’s face was made up professionally, her long brown locks curly and nice looking. I couldn’t tell if it was her real hair, extensions, or the best lace front I’d ever seen.

She looked as if she would take a step towards me, but shakily hesitated. I turned my back to her stalking off to the washer in the garage intent on ignoring her enough to leave.

“HEY!!” Takisha called out again. I could hear her rushing after me as I walked along the narrow pathway at the side of the house.

I got to the backyard walking across the grass with purpose. I was gonna wash those clothes, do some more chores, and just play some games today. If nothing else, I was gonna catch Rashida later when she got home and pound her sixty plus inches of online fame to mush. I didn’t have time for Takisha.

Correction, I wasn’t gonna make time for her. There was no doubt about who she was as a person and then there was Jaquan.

“YOU RUNNING FROM ME?!!” I stopped on a dime turning to look at Takisha. My movement was so sudden, it made her flinch a little arm frozen outstretched in midair with the intent of grabbing my shoulder.

“What?” I responded monotone.

My question and posture threw her off guard. I watched Takisha fidget looking like she didn’t know how to stand in front of me before putting her hands on her hips getting annoyed with the static expression on my face. She was carrying a small rectangular gold pocket book with a similar chain as its strap.

“Did you just say “shit” when you saw me, huh?”

“Yes, that’s what I said.”

“You don’t wanna see me?” There was a measured tone behind her voice as I considered Rashida’s words from the other day. I knew my muse and friend would be laughing her Ass off or worse, wagging her finger at me if she were present.

“I got, stuff to do Takisha.” I half turned to walk into the open door of the garage as she began fidgeting some more huffing in place on the grass.

“Who do you think you are? What makes you think you can talk to me like that; be so fucking dismissive with me, huh?!” Her entitlement was sparking up my ire mentally, but I took a step away from her anyway.

“I already told you I’m the Educated Simp.”

Takisha grabbed my arm, specifically the short sleeve of the t-shirt I was wearing looking conflicted with a furrowed brow.

“That some kind of dig at me; I know it ain’t because I never said anything like that. You’re gonna walk away from me so you can feel like it’s some kinda moral victory because of your cousin, huh?!! Don’t think you’re fucking negging me either so you can tell your incel friends how you rejected the pretty girl and shit. I can see right through you buddy!! YOU’RE SCARED OF SOMETHING REAL!! YOU’RE A COWARD!!!”

I felt my eyes become slits.

The laundry basket hit the grass.

My hand found the supple curve of her butt fingers closing tightly around that cheek in ownership. It felt bare underneath her light cottony dress but my fingertips found a tiny thong tightly wedged deep in her buns as I stared coldly into those brown eyes of hers.

“You’re average at best.”

“ASSHOLE!!” That purse of hers slammed into the side of my head rocking it to the side. The chain draping it to her slender frame snapped.

The purse hit the grass.

I grabbed both of her buoyant buttocks snatching her into my body spreading them apart through her clothing, fingertips grazing her snatch. The bulge in my crotch bumped into her muff for a second as Takisha’s hand came up pancaking my face two more times in succession.