The House of Fun

Way back in the mid 1980’s I had the time of my life.

I was in my mid-twenties, living on my own in a Council flat that was just behind the Town Centre and became nicknamed ‘The House of Fun’ after the Madness song; and working in a furniture shop that had a separate ‘electricals’ department selling TV’s, stereos and the like; plus we were the first shops to sell the new fangled video recorders; which quickly gave me a nice little sideline in Pirate Videos.

With access to so many recorders I bootlegged all of the current (and future ) VHS releases and rented them out at £1 or £2 a night to an ever expanding group of friends, friends of friends and God knows who else.

Alongside the normal day-to-day movies I also had a truck driving contact who travelled into Europe and began bringing back Porn Videos; which were nearly impossible to get hold of outside London; and therefore enabled me to charge a premium of £5 for two nights or a weekend; and to say that they were popular would be a huge understatement!

Although I worked every Saturday; the weekend started on a Thursday night and a full and fun social life ensued. Without sounding vain; I’m just under six feet tall and naturally slim; at that time I had a moustache and a full head of hair, cut in a ‘Bowie/Soulboy Flick’. I always dressed well; and had ‘rhythm on the dance-floor’ which made me popular with the ladies.

With so much ‘low hanging fruit’ available on these nights out and with my flat being so close, I had no need for a regular girlfriend and never felt it really necessary to take on ‘challenges’ with the better looking girls.

One of these “better looking girls” was Diane; who was a couple of years younger than me (19 or 20?) and was the Sister of our Accounts Clerk Sandra’s best friend Julie.

Julie was actually engaged to a mate of mine; but that didn’t stop me fingering her one Saturday night in a shop doorway …. but that wasn’t unusual as these nights regularly ended with either a fight or a fuck.

Sandra and Julie were part of a group of young women that me and my friends knew on many levels; some we’d gone to school with, some we’d worked with, some we’d wooed and one or two went on to marry (and divorce); but the golden haired Diane not just being a smidgen younger, was a bit aloof and; although she always dressed very sexily (see through blouses and tight skirts that emphasised her gorgeous arse) only one or two ever tried to get inside her knickers; and they got very publicly shot down in flames.

In early April 1982 my company were opening a new branch in the city centre; about 10 miles from the satellite town where I lived; and I was seconded for a month to help set up the electrical department and then staff it on the run up to Easter.

This meant I had to catch a bus at about 8am, and on the first Monday morning who did I see in the queue but none other than Miss Diane, wearing a short leather jacket over a white uniform and if my eyes didn’t deceive me, because of the wrinkle around one of her ankles; was wearing stockings. We nodded our recognition but had to sit a couple of seats apart, so couldn’t never spoke; although she did look back over her shoulder and smile when we made eye contact.

As we walked out of the bus station, she was right next to me.

“I don’t normally see you here.” Diane piped up as she walked alongside me.

I explained the situation with the new shop and she genuinely seemed interested; and when asked told me she was a receptionist for a dentist in the financial district.

I was even more surprised when she asked what time I finished work, and when I told her she smiled and said; “I’ll probably see you then. Bye.”

I was busy all day and forgot about our conversation; so was a bit stunned when she was waiting outside the shop as I left at about 5.15.

On the journey home Diane was a lot friendlier and chattier than I’d ever have expected; making me believe that she was actually a bit intimidated when out on the town with her Sister and her older more gregarious friends.

This carried on all week and by Friday as we got off the bus she even asked if I was going to the Legion Club; aka The Last Chance Ranch that I normally frequented and occasionally saw her there with her Sister‘s friends.

I confirmed that I would be and she responded with a lovely smile.

The club was busier than usual that night; but my mates had secured our normal tables on the balcony, overlooking the dance-floor where we could survey the talent on show.

About an hour after arriving I was mid conversation with my mate Barry when I felt hands ruffle my hair, then slide over and cover my eyes.

“Guess who?” A very distinctive and sexy woman’s voice whispered.

Laughing I moved her hands away and my eyes nearly popped out of my head when I saw her, as well as having on sexy bright red lipstick Diane was wearing a virtually transparent chiffon blouse with an even sexier black push-up bra underneath; and for me, more importantly was obviously wearing very fine denier black seamed stockings under a tight pencil skirt.

“Do you want a drink?” I asked as I quickly stood up and guided her away from the table, where my mates were laughing and grunting.

The noise from the disco meant I had to bend down close to hear her; and her perfume smelled bloody lovely. A song came on that I liked came on so we put down our drinks and had a couple of dances before she was beckoned back to her Sister‘s table at about 9.30, and much to my disappointment they all began finishing their drinks and putting their coats on before marching, en masse out of the ballroom.

The night wore on with my mates wanting to know ‘how what had just happened, happened’; ‘how come Princess Pricktease was suddenly on my radar!’ and also taking the piss about me ‘missing out on shagging the Ice Princess’ and stuff like that.

I laughed it all off; but I was in a three week slump and really thought I was ‘in’.

In some ways The Ranch was a bit like the Serengeti with ‘big cats’ like me and my mates looking for a sexy wildebeest or zebra to peel away from the herd and we would move in for the metaphorical ‘kill.’

About 15 minutes later, and being unable to take any more of my friends’ piss taking I went to the toilet, and as I came out a married woman who I’d known for years, called Kelly was coming out of the ladies toilets at the same time.

“Hello sexy,” I greeted her, “You are looking Hot tonight.”

“You’re not too shabby yourself.” Kelly grinned.

I eased her against the corridor wall and with my hand on her hip we chatted for a couple of minutes; including her chiding me for not ‘looking her in the eyes’ as I was staring at her very visible and large cleavage which her denim dress, with a press-stud or two too many open did very little to hide.

I pretended to apologise, but told her ‘that terrific boobs like hers needed to be admired by a connoisseur.’

Which made her laugh.

“Fancy coming back to mine so I can get a better look.”

Judy made the cardinal mistake of taking too long to answer; so I moved in ….. “Get your coat …. you’ve pulled!” Which made her giggle again.

“Where do you live?” She nervously whispered.

GOAL!

“The flats next to the fire station …… two minutes away”.

She checked her watch, “I have to be home on the last bus …… by 11.30.”

She thought out loud.

“I can work with that.” I whispered as I nuzzled her ear lobe; “I will make sure Cinderella is home by midnight.”

Kelly was quite pretty with a cute small and turned up nose; and must have been an absolute stunner in her younger days; but was now what my Mother would call “A bottle blonde, but one that should have used a bigger bottle!”

Thankfully she didn’t have a coat to retrieve; so I quickly led her away from any suspicious friends and off into the night.

While I’d vaguely known her face for years, I only really got to know her when she came into the shop a year or so previously, husband and kids in tow to buy a new TV and video; and over the following weeks chatted and flirted with her when she paid the weekly instalments and again on irregular Friday nights at the Ranch.

Horny as fuck because of Diane’s transformation I couldn’t wait to get this MILF into my bed. As we hurriedly walked along the back street I slid my hand up the back of her dress and found she was wearing tights, so groped her nylon covered arse, which made her giggle and snuggle closer into my shoulder.

It had always been apparent that Kelly and her friends weren’t really on my agenda; as all or most were older than me and my mates; plus they were mostly married.

Neither of which would normally put us off, but they just went to the club for a drink and a dance and to ‘blow off steam’; yet it wasn’t altogether out of the question for one of them, called Carole to slip out of the back for a knee trembler in the car park.

As soon as we were through the door I pinned Kelly up against the wall and forcefully kissed her as I pulled at the top of her denim dress and tugged; making the press studs pop open all the way to the hem,

After openly admiring her bounteous body for a few seconds I ran my hand up the back of her dress until I found her bra straps, then flicked my finger and thumb opening it up.

Grinning, I then pulled her large floppy tits out of her thin yellow bra, immediately suckling on her long pink nipples as I stroked her arse again; making her purr and grope my arse.

“You don’t hang about, do you???” She chuckled as I slid a hand to the front of her tights and stroked between her legs, which instantly made her spread her legs.

“Bedroom or sofa?” I grunted.

“Bedroom.” She sighed as I roughly pressed her tights and knickers into her Pussy with my fingers.

She now had her dress and bra off when we went through the bedroom door and was about to pull her tights down but I stopped her.

“No …. don’t.” I grinned “Leave them on.”

She looked confused until I pushed her down on the bed and began kissing her feet and rubbing my face up and down her nylon covered legs; roughly squeezing her tits at the same time. Eventually I moved up to the bullseye, which felt red Hot as I kissed and licked it through two layers of cheap nylon, which made her shuffle and wiggle.

A minute or two later I sensuously pulled her tights and knickers down to her knees; admiring the view of her glistening slit in the middle of a black pubic forest as I did so.

Kelly looked nervously apprehensive at this stage; “I’ve you know …. never ….. you know I’m married ….. just …. you know ….. this is my first time, with another man ….. I’m not a slag …. you know that, don’t you.”

I winked and blew a kiss as I desperately tried not to laugh or snigger, as in my drunken state she looked like a 3D relief map of Africa; with two mountains at the top then her birth stretch marks looked like rivers running down into a forest of pubes!!

Presumably unused to extra-marital Sex Judy kept her eyes closed as I lifted her legs up by the knees then pushed them back towards her magnificent big floppy tits; burying my face in her sopping fanny.

“Ooooohhhh ….aaaaggghh ……. oh Hell …..yes, yes…. YES!”

She grunted as I chewed on her clit; “Bloody hell man ….. that’s amazing!” Judy squealed, hitting operatic notes; then “shit … shit … shit!” When I fingered her at the same time, probing right up to the hilt.

I then wiggled them around and she soon began shaking and quivering while pulling my hair; “Oooohhh… Oooohhh……. yes, yes …… Oh My GOD….. Aaaaaahhhh!”

Then a whoosh of piss or something squirted out and covered my face as she had a powerful and nearly uncontrollable Orgasm.

Whatever it was that came out tasted like nectar so I kept licking her labia and engorged clit; but she was now too sensitive for me to do it for too long.

I rolled onto my side then slowly pulled her tights and knickers all the way off while she caught her breath.

“Jesus ” she sighed as she kicked them off her feet, “that was bloody amazing.”

“You’ve not done that before?” I asked as I stood up and pulled my y-fronts off; and tugging my dangler back into shape.

“Oh my God no!” she gasped and shook her head, “nothing …. nothing like that …..ever …. but ….. phew ….. more of that please.”

My balls were aching so, with no resistance I pulled her legs apart and guided my cock into her red Hot slit, then pushed all my weight down on her making her gasp and grunt as it filled her Hot and sticky married fanny; then with her her legs automatically wrapped around my waist and my arms under her armpits and my hands on her shoulders I banged away for all I was worth, making her hit those high operatic notes again with every squeal and squeak!

For a married woman with two kids; she was a lot tighter down there than I expected; but with hindsight I presumed she wasn’t getting any at home; hence her straying outside the confines of wedlock.

Her massive jugs were wobbling like jellies as Kelly was soon in a whole other postcode screaming and shaking her head with every thrust; but unknown to her it wasn’t her face I saw when I looked down at her …. it was Diane’s.

“Turn over,” I urged her as I tapped her thigh; “get on your hands and knees.”

“Eh?” She looked puzzled and a little bit confused, as I pulled my cock out. “What?”

“Get on your hands and knees ….. I want to fuck you doggy style.”

With her tits dangling nicely, but still looking confused at my request she complied; automatically spreading her knees a good distance apart without thinking why.

It only took a couple of seconds of rubbing my crown along her sticky slit for it to find the hole; and with one hard thrust from me she squealed like a stuck pig!

“Jesus, Mary Joseph and the wee donkey!” She cried out as I battered her cunt with three or four really hard strokes. “God almighty Kev ….. your cock feels massive this way.”

Flattered I pushed my cock in balls deep which made her throw her head back and gulp in air.

After a minute or so of frantic fucking I was running out of breath, so naturally slowed down, and casually looked across the room at the dressing table mirror ……. WOW!

She really did looked amazing as her jugs dangled and swung from side to side as I gave her another couple of thrusts, watching each long stroke in the mirror like my very own porno.

It didn’t take long for my balls to twitch and with well practised ease I slid it out, slapped her arse telling her to get on her back; which she did; then raised myself onto one knee and with three strong tugs fired off a salvo of spunk that landed onto her tits, which surprised her, and then I drained the last drops onto her bush.

“Jesus wept Kev ….. you’re a dirty sod.” She giggled as she ran her middle finger from her left hand through my spunk, and accidentally getting some on her wedding ring. “There’s bloody loads as well.”

“Doesn’t Jeff cum on your tits?” I teased, making her playfully scowl then chuckle. “Nope …… he wouldn’t dare.”

“So you’ll come back again?”

“Too bloody right I will …… what you did …. you know ….. before …. down there …… WOW …. I want some more of that!”

She cleaned herself up and I walked her to the taxi rank; stopping to give her a quick fingering in a doorway opposite a taxi rank where the stragglers from the Ranch were still milling around, so she wasn’t out of place and still would be home before 12.

Not working on the Saturday I went to the match and then on the night I went to a club on the other side of town to see a band; so missed Diane if she’d been looking for me at the Ranch.

I didn’t ‘pull’ so it was back home for a naughty wank watching a new video my mate had brought back from Holland.

In the bus queue on Monday morning Diane appeared nervously apologising, as she told me that they’d got taxi’s to a nightclub in the city centre on the Friday night and on Saturday had gone out for a pizza for a friend’s birthday.

I sort of shrugged my shoulders, but told her I’d hoped she’d have stayed around on Friday.

“Why’s that?” She asked with her head cheekily tipped to one side.

“You know.” I grinned …. “Another dance or something?”

The young woman smirked, just as the bus arrived.

We sat together and just as it was pulling out of the stop she asked what was in the plastic bag I had, although it was pretty obvious it was a couple of VHS tapes that I was renting to one of the women in the shop.

I explained what they were and my side line business which intrigued her and she was impressed with the titles I owned; even asking to borrow one for her Dad. The rest of the journey and again that evening was quite flirtatious, but nothing more than that, just lots of laughs and giggles, especially when I tried to twang her suspender through her skirt.

I had the film with me the next morning plus another two for a guy at work; as I took her video out of the bag she nosily asked what the two films were.

I more or less blushed and told her that ‘they weren’t the type of film a lady like her would appreciate.’

She looked puzzled; then when the penny dropped; slightly aghast whispered, “Porno?”

“yep,” I nervously replied.

“Porno? Really?”

I couldn’t tell if she was shocked or what; but she certainly didn’t appear upset at the thought.

“What’re they ……. about?” She whispered conspiratorially.

“Do you really want to know?”

She nervously nodded and smiled thinly.

“One is French; an old rich guy in a wheelchair who likes watching his servants have Sex; but he doesn’t know two of them are shagging his Wife and daughters behind his back.” I whispered, stopping to see what her reaction was.

There wasn’t one really, so I leaned in closer and went into intimate detail about some of the Sex on show; concentrating on words like ‘sucking cock,’ ‘fucking’, ‘spunk’, ‘huge cocks’, wanking, ‘fingering’ and the like; which soon had her visibly squirming in her seat and her chest was heaving up and down as her face looked quite flushed too.

You have to remember that language like this was common among men; but very rarely used in front of a woman in the early 80’s; unlike today.

After ten minutes or so I rested my hand on her knee and gently squeezed it; which made her smile as she intently stared out of the window listening to my increasingly dirty story.

As I continued whispering in her ear, my hand slid up her thigh until I found a thigh high lump under her skirt.

“Wow …..you wear stockings and suspenders …… even for work.?”

Diane nodded.

“I know a few who wear hold ups on a weekend, but even then no one wears proper stockings and suspenders.”

She turned her head and smiled a broad smile then shrugged. “I do …… have done ever since I left school.”

“These films,” she huskily whispered, “Do you …. you know …. see …. see everything?”

“Of course” I chuckled, “that’s why it’s Porn …… hard-ons, fanny’s; cocks, cum shots…… the lot …… all in glorious Technicolour!”

“Oh my God.” She sighed and put her hand to her mouth, as she squirmed even more, which wasn’t being helped by my stroking her leg and flicking at the suspender; presumably trying to scratch an itch between her legs; but couldn’t do it in public.

When we arrived in the city centre Diane was unusually quiet on our walk to the shops; “Are you okay?” I asked.

She nodded and thinly smiled.

“If ever you want to borrow one; just ask ….. no charge.” I winked.

She raised her eyebrows and pouted; “I doubt my Mam would be happy if I made her miss Coronation Street for something like that.”

We were now at the shop.

“You could come around mine and watch one with me if you want.”

She seemed to be thinking for a few seconds; “Really? You wouldn’t mind?”