Definition, description and how it works.
If you’re looking for a story about hitting, whipping, hurting, humiliation, and forced servitude, you’re looking in the wrong place. This is about a True DOMINANT lifestyle, and it IS a lifestyle, the type women fantasize about living and don’t discover on the internet nor in their regular lives. If you’re unsure and the wondered might pique your interest or excite you, please continue reading and you’ll discover more about the way of life mostly hidden from your view.
The Definition of a DOMINANT:
A Dominant man, or DOMINANT, is not a man who likes to hurt women. Quite the opposite is true, they are lovers of women, and they adore everything about them. I was schooled by DOMINANTS from the 1960’s, in the 1970’s, and the lifestyle puts a lot of responsibility on the man. They say it takes a very strong man to be gentle, and that is somewhat true. The man is beholden to the woman in his charge for her gift of submission to him. He must care for her in every way, sexually for sure but also in every aspect of her life. Her career, her safety, and her happiness, and her healthiness. Try being completely responsible for the wellness of another person, while you care for them in every other aspect of their lives, it’s not an easy burden to take on…but it is well worth the advantage.
Now, I beg your permission to get this part out of the way and I will lose the younger Dom’s at the same time. I promise I won’t spend long on this. The current crop of “Dom’s”, especially the ones on the internet, are a bunch of spoiled, bratty, angry, and mean-spirited children that couldn’t get a woman in their bed without a whip and a rope. They were the young boys who were picked on in college and couldn’t get a girl to go out with them. But instead of living and learning they decided to take what they think they want by force and humiliation. They never had or benefited from the advice of an older seasoned DOMINANT, and their actions prove that to be true.
I’ve had many women who used to be with Dom’s leave them and come to be with me. Do I think that is because I’m some great lover? My answer to that is not only No but Hell No. Any man that knows how to use what he was given from birth, coupled with paying attention to the clues a woman gives him in the throws of ecstasy, can make that woman have her best orgasms. It’s not a secret code, unlike what you read…certain parts aren’t hidden from men. But keep worrying about your own enjoyment and you’ll never understand hers.
A DOMINANT will listen watch and pay attention to the road map a woman will give him. Yes, woman get excited by the sight of gigantic cocks but that doesn’t mean they don’t want one that knows what it is doing. And here is a free tip for all those who have trouble satisfying a woman. Her body has more than three or four parts, pay attention to them all.
How a woman becomes a submissive:
A woman who submits in a relationship with a DOMINANT is nothing more than a typical average woman. There is no sexual fetish needed, no need to be belittled or mistreated, just a woman in touch with her hidden feelings and yearnings. I would venture to say that every woman at one point in her life fantasizes about being taken by a strong confident man. Not raped by him, not humiliated by him, although some women do like that, and certainly not an owned piece of property. It is not socially acceptable for her to admit that in mixed business, and they are raised and taught not to speak about these feelings with their men. So, they live a quiet life where their fantasizes are never given voice or chance to really be experienced.
That is not to be confused with being forced to perform sexual acts, because that’s not what this is about either. A DOMINANT will build a safe and caring place for them to live out the urges they have buried inside, and they don’t just jump in, but they know that place is there for them. The DOMMANT will give them love and affection, and they slowly learn that they can trust him with any part of their physical body as well as their mental wellbeing. As they trust him more, they open themselves to him more, without the fear of ridicule or judgement. As this continues to happen and they learn nothing is off limits to them, and vice versa, while being loved, respected, cared for, and valued. Eventually they make the decision to trust enough to wade into the pool, so to speak.
The DOMINANT will normally have experienced submissive women further along on this journey to providing comfort, advice, and an intimate sisterhood. This is one way she discovers she can trust while inside this circle of friends and lovers. The novice woman will settle right in and become part of the group.
Now find out this: This is not pluralism of the old Mormon religion. Those men were nothing but Bullies, and the women were property, which is to say they weren’t given a choice. In the “D/s” relationship, the woman has every right and choice she would ever want and then some. The DOMINANT will support her in every way, including life choices, occupational goals and even school if she decides she wants that. Or she can choose to not work at all, and she lives with her Dominant free of costs including phone, car, room & board, etc.
The level of devotion she commits to defines their relationship, not the man’s wants or needs. It is a relationship truly create on trust and respect, not on sex. Look at it this way: In a classic heterosexual relationship you normally begin to date, have sex, then learn to trust the person you’re with. In a “D/s” relationship, she’s turning over control of her body, mind, and even future to her man in different amounts before they embark on sex. She MUST trust him implicitly to do that, and you cannot take it for granted. Fear and mistrust will show on a human beings face and it’s impossible to hide in the moment, and a DOMINANT won’t push her or force her into something she’s not ready for, although she will be surprised at the length and depth of things, he introduces her to. This is a long-term proposition and short cuts don’t help either person, so he waits for her to decide. Once she makes her decision, she lays her well being in his hands and then learns over time that he will watch out for her and take care of her in every way.
The next question is how do people live this way and still live typical lives? That’s easy, just remember the 1950’s “Father knows Best” ideas and hold on while I tell you something that will surprise you. A DOMINANT will consult his submissive in every choice or decision he makes for them. (Notice I said “Them” and not “Her”) She is a true equal in their relationship, and is with him willingly, and she is happy.
Very often he finds her as a caged, skittish parakeet who has lost her ability to sing. She finds him as the anchor she never knew she needed, and in being that anchor for her, she grows from that frightened bird in a cage to a free-spirited bird of flight, and eventually a gorgeous peacock with a plume seen by everyone she interacts with. Her happiness and beauty can not be hidden as it oozes out of being and he is most proud of her progress, which brings him his happiness.
Now that you have the broad strokes of how this lifestyle works, I’ll move on to how the DOMINANT is trained. The only pattern for him that I have is the way I was trained, and the DOMINANT MUST BE TRAINED. Not every man can muster the ability to fill this role and if you have the right teacher(s), they will tell you if this is not for you. This is how it worked for me.
A DOMINANTS TRAINING:
I met a group of DOMINANTS and Submissives when I was very young. I’m not gonna say what age, but it was the late 60’s and sexual freedom and the summer of love, or the summer of loving many people indiscriminately, had developed into a lifestyle movement. Most people from back then grew up and eventually took on their father’s ideas of love, sex, and marriage. There were also a group of men and women who rejected that type of living and kept practicing the ideas of the day. Those are the people I fell in with, and it was memorizing to say the least. To see people with so much freedom and absolutely no sexual hang ups or taboos was something I was drawn to, even at that young age.
Of course, I started like most everyone else thinking this was a way of getting free and open sex with gorgeous women. But I was quickly counseled on that idea, and that’s how my training started. I was given the hard facts of what the men did, by the men who were doing it. Care, respect, love, and freedom of choice were all drilled into my skull every day and all day long. The girls were amused by the young me and they wanted to cuddle and take care of me…which they all did. I was a cute amusement to them at first, but back then I didn’t care. I was a young man in America, in the late 60’s, and hanging around with scantly dressed and sometimes naked gorgeous women. What young man in my place could discover fault with that scenario?
As I learned about the responsibilities and duties the men took on, the women taught me everything about making love to a woman, then how to just have sex, and eventually how to fuck with abandon. It goes without saying that now I was hooked and there was no way I was gonna be typical ever again, that is if I ever was. I was slowly given a very young woman to look after, the daughter of one of the older women. At no time was there any chance of me screwing up and her getting hurt physically or emotionally, as the others were watching and stepped in to correct my mistakes.
As the years passed by, I learned more and even ventured out on my own from time to time to experiment with these ideas with girls my own age, but that at all times ended up in disaster. Trying to be a DOMINANT with a girl who goes back to Mommy and Daddy after spending four hours with you is never gonna work in this lifestyle. (I still had much to learn)
And if you think about the times, there was no way politics didn’t enter a daily conversation. Morality was being attach by the beatniks, the news would say. Leave us alone to live our own lives, the free people would say. But the goings on in San Francisco, the death of Martin and Bobby, the war and all the ideas that brought, it was a political smelting pot that couldn’t be preserved…things were about to change dramatically. That’s the world I was in as a young man learning sexual freedom and the brave new world ideas.
As you can guess we survived it all, but we had to adjust our view of the world around us. The politics of the time attacked us with its false morality, and it really didn’t make any sense, to me at least. There are various types of DOMINANTS in this world, some that allow multiple Men to regularly sleep with their Submissive, some that allow multiple Men at the same time, some that enjoy multiple Men and women at the same time, and then you have what got to be known as the “My Sandbox” DOMINANTS…of which I am a member. I don’t want other men playing in my sandbox, and although I’ve done it and still do, I’m not crazy about multiple women either. (I mean not at the same time) The morality police in their tightie whiteys embarked on a campaign to brand every woman who had multiple partners as whores and sluts. They were cruel and vulgar, but they were “defending American Morality and saving the Country from devolving into one huge orgy”. Yeah, they wish it was like that, they would have been first in line. Now I’m talking about the religious Men of the time, their wives who wore bras with more materiel than a pair of jean shorts weren’t any different. Our women didn’t wear bras, until the effects of gravity made itself known. Those other women had sex just to have babies, and their husbands better not enjoy it for a second. They were only doing it because God said to, and when God tells you to lay down and take a cock, you do it no matter how you feel about it.
Just a wondered, did anyone else notice that they only put down women for sleeping with more than one man, but their own sons were allowed to fuck anything they could get to stay still long enough to do the deed. Oh, that’s right, Boys will be boys. Soil as many girls as you like, just marry a virgin. Sorry, back to the story.
I was learning and having regular sex with the women, and still trying my way out on the schoolgirls I went with. (And by regular sex, I mean I did it often not that it was just missionary and nothing more) It was the very early 1970’s and things were changing. College girls now had heard of performing oral sex on a boy, but they wondered it was the grossest thing ever, but even that was on the trading table. It got to the point where it was mainstream to please a boy that way but finish him off by hand.
I remember this so clearly because I had an interaction with one of those girls on a date. She would let me feel her up everywhere, but not look south of the border. We were in the car, and she was blowing me and 20 seconds from the time I would erupt she stopped and said, “I don’t swallow”. I grabbed her head and said back to her, “You do now”. I held her there until I finished, and she acted like she was underwater for five minutes, choking and heaving, acting it up for the most value I guessed. When she stopped, I told her she would do that every time and I would see any part of her body I wished to see. It was amazing, she fell right into line without any argument, she simply did what I told her, and she became a great submissive later. It turned out it was natural for her, and I didn’t have to do much to train her.
Now I’m not saying how old I was, partly because I don’t remember the actual number, but I remember what was happening in the world at that time, but let it suffice that I was young and not fully prepared to deal with the world I lived in. And that’s when my next education came in. But that’s the next part of this story.
A Real-world education:
There was this guy I met in college, and we became very close friends, but he was a little strange and our friendship was a little weird to match. He didn’t talk to many other people, and he at all times came to see me at my place, and I never went to his. The reason for that is my next education, but at the beginning he would bring his Bass over and I had my electric and acoustic, so we’d play the songs of the day. I had a decent voice, and I took vocal lessons, so it seemed natural we begin a band together. We found a keyboard player and drummers were a dime a dozen back then. We played in some of the local places, even the ones we weren’t supposed to be in, but it was fun.
One night in the parking lot of the venue we just played, we were sitting on a log used for parking cars against, drinking beer and I asked him.
“Why is it you never invite me over to your house?”
“Well, I have a very weird family and I just don’t invite friends over.”
“Friends, I’m your only friend. You don’t associate with anybody but me and yeah…you’re a little strange but look at me.”
“True, but that doesn’t change my family situation.”
“Situation, what the fuck are you talking about? As long as you’re not living with a family of zombies, I’ll be alright with it. I’m in no position to judge anyone buddy.”
“OK, I’ll talk to my mom tomorrow morning, and we’ll have you over.
“OK, whatever dude, just let me know.”
Now, I knew he lived in a small apartment over the detached garage at his house. He had told me he had five sisters of all different ages, room in the house was tight and he needed to get away from all the constant sister shit so, they fixed up the area above the garage. I had taken that as a fair explanation back then, but now I was starting to wonder.
If he lived detached from the house, then why would his family being weird even be an issue? And why would he need to check with his mom to have me over? I Just finished my beer and figured it would explain itself soon enough. It was Friday night at 1 am and I wasn’t in a mood to play detective. I wanted to go see my friends and get laid, and that’s all I was thinking about. Little did I know what was coming.
We parted ways and I did what was on my mind and I don’t know what he did. I do know his normal Friday night was sitting outside smoking a joint and drinking beer. But what the hell, to each his own, as they say. (For this story, let me call him Eddie)
I got to bed, I mean sleep around 3:30am, and my phone rang at 7am, and it was Eddie.
“Can you be here at 5pm today? My mom has invited you over for dinner and she’s a great cook.”
A free home cooked meal Hell yes, I thought. Maybe that’s why he wanted to ask her first, but either way I was going for the food now.
“Yeah, I can do that. Should I bring anything?”
“She said if you want to come early like 3pm, bring your bathing suit.”
“Yeah, I could do with swimming before eating, I’ll be there around three.”
Now everything felt and seemed normal, well as normal is it could around Eddie. I slept another three hours and got up, showered, and went over to the house where the DOMINANT lived. Why not have a little fun before I get on with my day. The girl I was assigned was progressing just fine, although I was sure it had more to do with them than it did with me, but I’d take whatever credit they gave me.
I spent an average Saturday afternoon with no incidents, waiting for the time I was going over to Eddies. I couldn’t pinpoint what it was, but I was bothered about something. I had met one of Eddie’s sisters who was one year ahead of me in school, and she talk very little and didn’t socialize at all, pretty much the same as Eddie. Between that and him telling me his family was strange, and something that was strange to him had to be totally weird to everyone else, my subconscious was working to figure things out. I would see for myself in just a few hours and hopefully all questions would be answered.
The afternoon went by quickly and soon it was time to leave, so I got dressed in my normal 70’s clothing and headed over. Living in a rural farm community we never took the roads anywhere, either the train tracks or cut through corn fields or something like that. What should have been a 30-minute trip I covered in 10, that only proves, “As the crow flies” is the best way to travel anywhere.
When I arrived, I was met by Eddies Mother who introduced herself to me as Maureen. She said Eddie would be ready in a minute or so, and I should make myself comfortable, which I did. She was wearing a very short summer dress and an apron around her waist. It was a dress for a much younger women, but she had a body and she looked good. I was sneaking a look whenever I could, and I was sure she wasn’t wearing anything beneath that dress. She caught me looking when she stooped down in front of the oven, and she just smirked and smiled and went about her business. I heard a bit of a clammer come from the kitchen and I ran out to find her struggling with a hot oven rack trying to remove it. I went over, grabbed a hot pad, and lifted it out for her as she lost her balance and fell backwards from where she was perched on her heels in front of the oven door. I was rewarded with a full view up her dress, and I was correct about her not wearing anything else.
She put her legs back together and tried to stand back up, I Just put the rack in the sink and went to help her get up, her dress almost around her waist and twisted around her body. As I helped her up, I also helped her fix herself up.
“Oh, you’re such a gentleman.”
“Well, not really, but whatever. Let’s get you straightened up; you’re losing your dress.”
“It wouldn’t be the first time; Eddies father likes me to dress in short but lose clothing like this.”