Joel & Mrs. Kant 01 – Erotic Couplings – Free Sex Story

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Joel & Mrs. Kant 01

Well, you don’t need to remind me that my life has been like a run away train all summer. I mean, I know as well as anyone that sexing my way through all of the MILFs in Middleton, the local book club members and all the back and forth with my newly promoted fake fiancé Staff Nurse Chicklet isn’t the best way to behave, so I’m committing to all of you that I’m gonna do some soul searching and at a minimum, a minimum I say, come to a firm decision today. And what better way to do such deep soul searching than to enjoy a cup of coffee on the front porch on a power outage emergency Saturday morning?

I mean, I can stare into the skies above and search my soul or I can watch how all the neighbors are checking out the damage to their property and search my soul, right? And believe me because I know all of you believe anyways, I searched my soul and I came up with a very crucial decision that I planned on implementing immediately to better my crazy life.

I mean, hell no, I’m not giving up on the Sex, but as a starter, I absolutely committed to figuring out just who the rightful owners were of the lawn chairs that ended up in my backyard from the storms! I mean, baby steps, right? And to prove my commitment towards a better life, I put the lawn chairs near the front curb just in case the rightful owners were driving or walking around and looking for them. I mean, that’s commitment towards a better life in anyone’s book, right? And please note, I stayed right with them on the front porch with my coffee to protect them, just like my fake fiancé Staff Nurse Chicklet forces me to protect our relationship bed, which if you remember correctly, she does the same when she’s at home or on the job at the hospital.

Ooh, ooh, look at that, will you? My life is becoming chuck full with commitments! That’s Adult stuff, right?

“Wow, I never thought I would see these lawn chairs again after those storms. Um, these are my lawn chairs and I can prove it if you don’t believe me young man. Ah, Kelly, Kelly Kant by the way and I live kitty corner behind you on Cedarwood, so they must have been blown over the fence by the strong winds. Also, I have a single daughter about your age and she can prove her age, which is about the same as yours, young man.”

“LOL, I believe you about owning the lawn chairs and I believe you about having a daughter about my age, but I’m sorry, I’m going to have to call you about your daughter being single if she looks anything like you.”

“Ooh, why thank you, I think, but stop looking at me! This is my power outage emergency hair and I’m not exactly presentable. Anyways, people say that my daughter and I look a lot alike, you know, on normal days when I don’t have power outage emergency hair or casual cotton shorts on or with a power outage emergency Saturday morning bandana head wrap on, so stop looking at me, ah???”

“Joel, your kitty corner neighbor, Joel. Listen, just let me finish my coffee and I’ll gently toss your lawn chairs back over the fence.”

“Hmmm, is that code that I should sit with you for a few minutes on your porch bench on such a lovely power outage emergency Saturday morning so we can get acquainted as kitty corner neighbors, Joel?”

“Well, I didn’t write the playbook and they hand copies out for Free, so, you know, right?”

“Men! You’re all the same. However, ah, is there a chance that I might have a cup of coffee too? I mean, I headed out pretty early this morning looking for my lawn furniture and I’m about one cup shy.”

For the record because you all know by now that I insist on having the record clearly stated, her hair wasn’t that bad, I mean for power outage emergency Saturday morning hair and all. And by the way, whoever invented those female sleeveless shirts with the tie tails across the stomach, well, thank you.

Also, ah, code # 32 clearly states that when a man hands off an empty coffee cup, well, that clearly means “well, while you’re at it”, right. I mean, for the record, it clearly states that!

“And I say it again, MEN, you’re all the same! Do this for me and do that for me and oh, by the way, always make sure that your hair is perfect! Do you at least have a coffee machine?”

“Best available on the market, Mrs. Kant. You know your way around a house, right? I mean, I’m a man and I’m exhausted and all from the recent storms. I mean, I picked up like eight branches and all.”

“Ugh, men! Should I take my socks off too, Joel?”

“Well, you’re wearing power outage emergency Saturday morning sandals already, so you are kind of barefoot, right Mrs. Kant?”

“OMFG, MEN! Fine, but only because I need to pee and all from leaving my house so long ago. I mean, I’m a woman who knows my way around a house, so finding your bathroom should be a breeze, right Joel?

Alright, for the record, ah, were we flirting and she likes to scream a little while she flirts back or should I have crawled under the front porch to hide? The record and the playbook are a little fuzzy about this.

“Well, Mrs. Kant, look at it this way, we got our first fight out of the way, so there is no where to go but up, right? Hmmm, double-double bold, one and one for me, please.”

“Ugh, men!”

Now I hear the phrase from time to time, but I don’t know the exact definition of “daddy issues”, but it’s safe to say that Mrs. Kant has issues with men, am I right?

“Ah, hello? Readers? Hi, it’s Kelly Kant and I don’t mean to break into Joel’s story, but fucking men, am I right? It’s all the time, do this and do that and bend over farther when you hook up the game console, right? Fucking MEN! They’re all the same. Anyways, Kelly out because you know, I’m barefoot in a stranger’s kitchen brewing his fucking double-double bold coffee! Fucking men! He’s lucky that he is cute, I mean he’s lucky that I have a single daughter about his age.”

Ahh, this is the life, isn’t it? Kicking back on my front porch, watching the neighbors mill about and enjoying my morning coffee. I could do this all day.

“Here you go Master Joel, one freshly brewed double-double bold with one and one, served with a smile and please forgive me for not wearing a super short power outage emergency Saturday morning maid uniform on. I wasn’t expecting any of this and by the way, your house is in better shape than I expected, so good job with that, not that I snooped around while our coffees were brewing.”

“Thanks for the perfect coffee, Mrs. Kant, and by the way, did we just make up from our first fight?”

“Men! But let’s put a pin in that make up thing for a moment. Um, Joel were you outside of the bathroom door listening to me pee? That’s sort of personal and something that seems like invitation only, by the way.”

Whoa, what? That’s crazy, right? Also, is that a thing? I don’t remember anyone saying anything about that on Chang, so help me out, is that a thing?

“No, Mrs. Kant, that’s, ah, that is very personal, so no. I just walked past the bathroom to grab my phone from my bedroom and you probably noticed that. I mean, I’m getting your phone number this morning, right?”

“Well, Joel, I’ll give you my number, but as a woman who knows her way around a house, I can tell that there is female activity in your house, so if you have a girlfriend, which you obviously do, well, just go ahead and put my number in the “acquaintance” side of your contact list.”

Oh, wait, is that a thing on my phone too? Is there such an “acquaintance side” of the contact list feature?

“And by the way Joel, while your coffee was brewing, I snooped around your kitchen drawers and I found your little cheat sheet that describes how you like your women to make your coffee in the mornings! Ugh, MEN!”

“And that cheat sheet was in my bedroom dresser drawer, so go on, Mrs. Kanter.”

“No way Joel, I’m wearing Saturday morning power outage emergency panties, so forget it!”

Um, is that about the same as saying it’s laundry day?

“Anyways Joel, I know that you’re all exhausted and stuff and I appreciate the return of the lawn chairs and all, so I’m just gonna go back into your kitchen and you know, wipe off your kitchen counter tops. I mean, you just sit here and finish your coffee like a man, alright?”

I know I have said many times, but am I living the life or what? I Love kicking back and taking it all in, right?

“OMFG, MEN! That’s girl code from our playbook that it might be nice if you get off your Ass and follow me and give me a proper power outage emergency Saturday morning fuck because I already removed my laundry day granny panties and put them your trash! Fucking men! Oh, and by the way, just leave well enough alone and don’t search through your trash. LOL, once I looked at myself in your bedroom mirror, well, those panties were a terrible choice, even for a totally excusable power outage emergency Saturday morning. I mean, yikes, right?”

“Oh, ah, let’s see, right? How does it go? Oh yeah, OMG Women! In the beginning we were making wedding plans for your daughter and I and boom, now the wedding is called off because the future mother-in-law hasn’t had Sex for a while! Did I get that right, Mrs. Kant?”

Hey, I never said that they give away both gender code books for Free, right? I mean, I stole one from an old girlfriend because they refused me at the give-away table, but I still a copy of the girl code book just the same.

“Well, I just removed my granny panties for you, so call me Kelly. Besides, if we have an affair before you officially meet my daughter, that’s legit, right? And for another besides, as a woman who has an eye for things around a house, I know your girlfriend has dumped you. There isn’t anything in your closet, dresser, back room, living room, kitchen or basement that tells me a woman lives here now, I mean, I may have glanced around while our coffees were brewing and I think you’re single enough to bang me like a crazy man on a power outage emergency Saturday morning. Am I right or wrong, Joel? And by the way, yes Joel, as a man, you’re correct as usual, it’s been a while for me, so I’m eager to serve it up, with a smile, of course.”

Hmmm, smart women who know their way around a house and are not afraid to go for it after so long without it, logic, right? Women rule, by the way.

“Joel before we go, ugh, if you like your women cleanly shaven down there, well, I’m gonna ask you to ignore that for today. I just haven’t had much need to care for myself down there since I kicked my lousy no-good cheating faggot husband to the curb for trying to get pregnant from some twinkle toe faggot named Butch. But I promise to clean things up if you invite me back for maybe an “after the power outage emergency” lunch or something. And by the last way, OMG Joel, there is simply no such thing as a “relationship” bed! There is a “bed” and there is a “martial” bed, but nothing in between!”

That’s MILF code for “I’m too old to be on my hands and knees on the floor” or something, right?

“But Mrs. Kant, I mean Kelly, my ex-girlfriend used to call it our “relationship” bed at all times.”

“MEN! Don’t tell me, was she batting her eyes while she was convincing you to stay sexually true to her? Was she packing sexy lingerie in her work bag as she begged you to remain faithful to her? Didn’t you ever wonder why the condom box all the time seemed empty, even though she rarely joined you in your “relationship” bed, yet she never seemed overly Horny because her needs were well taken care of? OMG, you bought her a ring and she sold it, didn’t she? Stupid men! It’s all right there on page one of the playbook, fool.”

Damn, she didn’t to say all that, right? I mean, yes to all of that, but still, right? Well, I’ll show her about MEN, alright! I mean, I’m missile man Joel, right? And you know what, come to think of it, I guess I never anyone other than my fake fiancé Staff Nurse Chicklet say anything about a “relationship” bed, so maybe Mrs. Kelly Kanter was right. There is no such thing as a relationship bed, end of story.

“Ooh, this bed is nice, Joel. Momma likes. Ooh, momma likes naked Joel too! Um, like I said, it’s been a while for me, but I used to be pretty good at sucking cock, I mean, in case you’re a missile man and you launch a little early and all. I mean, should I suck the first one out of you?”

And yup, momma was still was good at that and yup, momma just might be my new woman.

“Wow, that was quick, but hey, you got size baby, so it’s all good. So, ah, I feel a little funny having left my shirt on and it seems fitting that I should be as naked as you while we distribute our relationship bed, so which one of us is removing my blouse? Also, is your missile seriously reloading this quickly? Ah, is that ordinary? And by that, I mean as long as your quick recovery time isn’t a medical condition, then don’t go the hospital about it because I don’t need some gold-digging young chicklet nurse trying to move into our sacred relationship bed. By my last way before you take me proper, ooh, la, la, MEN. Momma Kelly like men again.”

LOL, like I could attract any such gold-digging young chicklet nurse at the hospital, right? I mean, hey, wait, what?

“Oops, I mean, ooh, la, la Joel doesn’t waste time! Ooh, yeah, plunge it Joel, push it in deep baby. And it’s OK that you didn’t put a condom on, I’m safe baby, I’m safe today. So, ooh, keep pumping me baby while I ask one more thing of you, OK? Or I don’t need to tell you what to do, stud. Damn, wow, it should never be a while for any woman, damn that’s deep baby, anyways, all I’m asking is that we keep our brief affair here at your house, Joel, ooh, shoot, ah, since I kicked the lousy no-good faggot cheating husband to the curb, ooh, I Love you Joel, ah, since I’ve been single again, I moved an old friend in with me and Millie is a bit of a prude, so let’s keep things here in our relationship bed, OK Joel? Or just keep trying to saw in half baby. Anyways, there would be friction in house if Millie Matthews ever caught me sucking you off from under the kitchen table because I wanted extra heavy cream for my morning coffee and OMG, Joel, how are not married???? Haven’t you shared your missile with any other women? Wow, anyways again, ah, ugh, ugh, ugh, Millie will things tough around house, not to mention that she might squeal to my daughter and ruin your wedding plans, so Joel, ooh, ooh, OMG, do we have a deal, Joel? Our quick affair is here? I promise our relationship bed will never go silent. Oh geez, Joel, who invented that move?”

“I like it cleaned up downtown.”

“Promise.”

“I like blow jobs in the front foyer when I get home from work.”

“Promise.”

“I’ve never had Sex on my back deck after dark.”

“Promise.”

“And my morning coffees?”

“Promise, new undies coming to a theater near you soon.”

“And the game console set? You’ll connect the cables the way I like my cables connected?”

“Promise.”

“And you’re totally safe right now because you’re about to get a full load of my heavy coffee cream?”

“Just fuck me (I mean, no woman is ever actually “totally safe, right?). I mean, promise.”

“And you’re my woman for at least three weeks?”

“Promise and then some. Side piece coming to a theater near you, ah today. My turn, Joel?”

“Go baby, we talk about anything while we’re in our relationship bed.”

“My tits, ah, gravity and all, right?”

“Promise, that’s not an issue. Next?”

“Promise me that you won’t go gay on me? I hear that faggot guy Butch is a smooth talker and I can’t lose another man to a faggot. I mean, I heard he has man boobs and all, but promise me that you want my wet Pussy and mouth more than you want it dry! Promise me, Joel.”

“That’s a solid promise Kelly! Besides, Butch is my gay half-brother, so that would be weird. Oops, ooh, la, la, you just got milked baby, ugh!!!”

Hey, how did you think I came upon all these single women who were left single because all the hubby’s hooked up with a twinkle toe gay guy named Butch? LOL, did you really think that I was good or that lucky?

End Joel & Mrs. Kant 01

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