Jimmy & Mrs. Kline 01

“Jimmy, did I just hear you correctly? Did you say that you’re willing to stop by from time to time while Todd is off at the university for the next four months? Is that what I heard you say?”

“Mrs. Kline, I’m just saying that with Todd out of the picture, I mean off continuing his education, well, you may need some help around the house once in a while. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Jimmy, does Meatloaf and Monday Night Sports have something to do with it?”

“Well, Todd and I always called it Monday Night Sports and Meatloaf, but whatever, right?”

“Jimmy, do you expect me to believe that you drove over here to my house today out of habit?”

“I promise, Mrs. Kline. I mean, Todd just departed a few days ago, so, you know.”

“Jimmy, you do know that this could become a delicate and possibly an uncomfortable situation? Not to mention maybe a little embarrassing? You know how people Love to talk. Are you sure that at your current age you are ready for whatever may come of your visits?”

“Mrs. Kline, I’m 20 and because I’m 20, I know absolutely everything there is to know about absolutely everything. I mean, right?”

“Jimmy, tell me true, do you really think that you can handle any of this?”

“No, Mrs. Kline. I’m actually shaking in shoes, except for the fact that I always remove my shoes when I enter your home.”

“Jimmy, how would you react if I say that I think all of this as a sexual component to it?”

“Oh, well, my first reaction would be to put my shoes back on because I’m wearing out the skin on the bottom of my feet, but I’m mature enough to say that we could have mature discussion about it.”

“Jimmy, are you still trying to sleep with that the little chicklet?”

“No, Mrs. Kline, she preferred someone who didn’t shake in their shoes when her bra strap became visible.”

“Jimmy, you know I have almost 25 years, I mean I have some years on your little chicklet, right? Mother Nature changes things after a while, but you knew that already, right? Because you know everything about everything.”

“Mrs. Kline, are you delicately rejecting me?”

“Jimmy, not yet. I mean, for a young Adult male who knows absolutely everything, it seems you don’t know enough to actually ask anything. Jimmy, you’ve been jibber jabbing, but you haven’t actually asked me for anything.”

Pause for a moment while I re-read the above. I mean, I must have asked for something, right?

Shoot! I mean, I thought I knew everything, but I guess I made a few statements instead of asking any questions.

“Shoot, Mrs. Kline, I’m “asking” you if I can stop by on Monday evenings for a little dinner and some sports. I mean, the good old days, right?”

“Jimmy, as a starting point, you may come over this Monday night for a meal, but nothing more. But Jimmy, do tell and be truthful, what would you have me wear? Something thin, like a sun dress?”

Oh snap, she’ll know if I start searching “sun dresses” on my phone.

“Jimmy, OFMG, I was wearing a sun dress at Todd’s going away party! You remember, right? The dress that allowed you to feel me up so easily when you reached for an ice tea and came up with something else!”

“Oh, I knew that, Mrs. Kline. Ah, yeah, sure, sun dresses rule. Wait, I mean, damn right a sun dress because as I remember it, you stood still for longer than you should have, not to mention that I think you leaned in for a kiss!”

“Jimmy???”

“Sorry, Mrs. Kline. I’ll watch my manners, but I’m not going to apologize for finding you attractive.”

Oh, she meant that it was time for me to leave, huh? But hey, at least she didn’t pull me out of her house by pinching my ear and dragging me out.

“Jimmy, I still socialize with your family, not to mention the families of your other friends. This is very dangerous young man. Are you sure about all this? LOL, or even any of this?”

“I was sure about coming over here tonight and pelting you with 50 delicate questions.”

Oops, pause for another re-read.

“Mrs. Kline, it took a lot for me to come over here and ask you one question. So, am I welcome this Monday night?”

“Jimmy, 7pm and don’t be late and whatever you do, keep this between us.”

And boom, just like that, with just a few simple words, boom, I had a dinner date with a lady who was going to wear a sun dress and I was going to ignore whatever Monday night sports was on and boom, have a little fun, LOL, for the first time in my life. I mean, boom, right?

Well, not exactly. I mean, I was on time and Mrs. Kline looked absolutely amazing in her sun dress, but we weren’t alone, in the beginning. I mean, Melvin is an old friend and it was nice to see his mom, but I wasn’t expecting a third dinner guest. But I took it all in stride.

“Oh, hello, Mrs. Greenly, it’s lovely to see you this evening. Um, I just stopped by to, um, see if there were any fences that needed to be mended.”

“Well, well, well, look at Lucy’s little boy all grown up. And what such a thoughtful young man, I mean, bringing his own fence post to mend Staci’s fence. Listen Jimmy, what can I get for you while Staci fixes a little something for you to eat? Care for an ice tea honey or is that something you’d rather reach for yourself?”

Oh, so Mrs. Kline was listening from inside of the kitchen, was she?

“Candice!!!! Play nice with my perfectly harmless dinner guest.”

“Um, an ice tea would be great, Mrs. Greenly. Ah, maybe I should watch the pre-game show. Also, how is your son Melvin and the husband? Whew, is it Hot in here? Mrs. Kline, can I turn the A/C up?”

“Oh, you know Jimmy, the hubby is lousy with drugs and alcohol, Melvin is banging that little slut chicklet that dumped you, that little slut chicklet that dumped you is sucking off Melvin left and left and you know, the hubby is lousy with drugs and alcohol.”

“Oh, well, you said that last part twice, Mrs. Greenly.”

“Well, he’s lousy, so what can I say? Anyways, let me get you that ice tea while you pretend to watch TV. Hey Jimmy, do you think Staci’s fence needs nails or screws?”

“Enough Candice!!! I mean, you were just leaving, right???!!!???”

“(bitch)”

“I heard that, Candice!”

“Fine, I was just leaving anyways, but I’m glad to hear that someone is getting their fence mended. But listen Jimmy, my sweet spoonful of sugar Jimmy, it might be hard to find deep down in the valley, but I have a third nipple, you know, in case you wanted to know something like that. I mean, way deep down in the valley, Jimmy.”

“CANDICE!!!!!!!!! OMG, Jimmy, please walk Candice out while I set the table and make sure she starts her car engine!”

“Oh, my engine is purring already. So, Jimmy, you heard your secret mistress, walk me out and don’t be afraid to hold on tight.”

Oh, and when I said that I was 20 and knew absolutely everything there is know? Ah, I know nothing about women. Although, I did like her parting comments where she firmly claimed that at 20, I had enough energy to do them both, LOL, like next Monday.

“Whoa, one of those embarrassing and awkward moments that you spoke of, Mrs. Kline?”

“Jimmy, that’s one down and fifty to go. Listen, before we eat, ah, I just wanted to go over the ground rules with you. First, I admit that I’m not fighting this off, but let me be clear that we still do not have a sexual component between us. That raging boner in your shorts belongs to Candice and not me. Is that clear?”

Ah, I think I was nodding my head up and down.

“Jimmy, good. Secondly and let me be absolutely clear, we have no need for condoms anytime soon!”

Um, shaking in my shoes is the same as nodding, right?

“Jimmy, thank you. Would you like a proper kiss before we eat? And pressing up against me would be acceptable because, well, you can kiss me tight if you want to. Anyways, that’s my move for the night, so you take it from here.”

Oh, now we were talking, right? I mean, me and my pillow, right? Also, practicing with a pillow is stupid. I mean, have you ever felt real lips?

“Mrs. Kline, I think there is stuff in between kissing and condoms. I read a book.”

“Jimmy, my mind is getting a little cloudy. It’s been a long time since I, well, Jimmy I never had a chance to read every chapter in the book. I mean, Frank and I had Todd, but there wasn’t a lot of reading beyond that.”

“So, Mrs. Kline, am I hearing that you could use a tutor?”

“Hmmm, a tutor, huh? Because at 20, you know absolutely everything about everything and you can teach me things? How about a Lab partner with four months to complete the class project?”

“SOLD! I mean, cool, cool. Mrs. Kline, before we eat this amazing meatloaf, say something nice about our evening so far.”

Ah, is there an airplane flying overhead that only she sees? But how cute is it how she twirls her index finger on her chin, right?

“Jimmy, I’m glad were here and I’m absolutely amazed that you didn’t blow a load from Candice’s sexy talk and man handling. I’m not saying that it matters tonight, but it’s nice to know about your staying power going forward. Jimmy, does this qualify as hooking up?”

“Mrs. Kline, most people would say we were “talking” before they would say that we were “hooking up”, but the true definitions are open to interpretation.”

“Jimmy, I’m not saying this as a bad thing, but you need kissing practice. I think the balance between lips and tongue is finer than you know.”

“So, I need a tutor? Like most every Monday night?”

“Jimmy, don’t be a smart Ass, but OK, with ground rules!”

Ground rules, right? I mean, I’m 20 and I’m ready to throw the rule book out of the window because I already know all of the fricking ground rules! But, as usual, OMG, her meatloaf is so tasty!

“Jimmy, retire to couch and I’ll clean up the dishes. Also, um, Jimmy, do you think my TV system has Porn on it? Like tutorial programs?”

“Mrs. Kline, I doubt that your TV has any programming like that, but I’ll help you with the dishes.”

“Jimmy, I’m still fertile! I mean, you have helped me with the dishes in the past and you weren’t as sneaky as you thought you were!”

Damn, right! I mean, forget my silly rubbing and bumping games from the past, right? I mean, I said that she amazing in that sun dress earlier, right?

“So, you’re fine, Mrs. Kline?”

“Jimmy, not exactly and my mind is even more cloudy, but one of us has to think with our heads and it is quite clear which head you’re thinking with, so watch your sports for a few minutes.”

Hello??? Ah, hi, hello??? Um, hi, it’s me, Staci Kline and I don’t mean to interrupt Jimmy’s story, but if I let Jimmy continue, well, he’ll have me bent over the kitchen sink with my sun dress pushed up over my massive cheeks and that’s against all of the ground rules (for day one)! All of them, I say! Besides, my lingerie may be a little outdated and that wasn’t going to help any moods.

So, to finish up Jimmy’s fantasy, yes, we practiced with his kissing skills and there may have been a little touching here and there, but it was all over the clothes. Besides. I already included that in the day one ground rules, so that was OK.

However, in Jimmy’s defense, he is a fast learner and our Lab experiment may provide the scientific results that he is hoping for, but that’s for like October or maybe even November.

Oh, and for Candice’s fantasy of joining us for Meatloaf Monday’s? Well, I still need to read more of that chapter from the book of Love, but I would stack my Ass up against her Ass any day, not that Jimmy asked for that. Also, Jimmy asked for that under his breath when he thought I couldn’t hear him clearly because I was busy with that over the clothes touching thing that I already proclaimed as perfectly acceptable for day one.

Anyways, I would resume control back to Jimmy, but he seems to have fallen asleep, LOL. I mean, I did admit that there was a little touching while we were making out on the couch, right?

End Jimmy & Mrs. Kline 01