They had been messaging every day since meeting on a dating app 2 months ago. Selina was pleasantly surprised to figure out they had a lot in common and a lot of differences, a good balance she wondered. Max was very stoic and Selina was cheerful. They had similar views on religion, the same feelings about not having children, they shared music tastes and a similar sense of humour – though Max’s was admittedly much darker. They had discussed sexual preferences, what was essential to them in relationships, shared deep and meaningful conversations about life, been vulnerable when disclosing life events they had experienced. The serious stuff. Things had veered slightly more risqué at times, discussing sexual scenarios and situations they’d enjoy. It seemed quite well-rounded and inclusive and slightly too good to be true.

For Selina, there were still many doubts. At 33, Max didn’t have a smartphone which was the first red flag. He used a desktop computer, he kept very strict routines, he rarely shared any information about his family, his home life or living situation, not much useful information about his friends or any type of time line for events he disclosed. He had also alluded to a diagnosis of Bipolar disorder which wasn’t an problem for Selina but it added to her queries.

When he first invited her out for coffee, she almost didn’t go. They had been in contact for just over a month and Max had spent the evenings and weekends messaging her, sending music and emails. But he’d refused to talk on the phone. Selina frantically sought advice from a close friend who encouraged her to go. When she got there, despite the nerves, she felt really comfortable. The conversation flowed and they lost track of time, talking for 2 hours.

After a second date 2 weeks later where Selina paid for lunch and they spent 3hrs chatting, he’d kissed her briefly on the lips. Later that evening, while texting about their date. Max stymied the conversation about him kissing her by stating he wasn’t into PDA’s and he hadn’t kissed her properly. Still there were doubts for Selina but she told herself she needed to give it a chance, she’d been single so long that the dating scene had changed a lot, online dating was new to her, she was so used to being single that she needed to learn to tolerate another person, the more time they spent together the more she’d get to know him… etc.

A week after their lunch date, it was a mid-week afternoon. “I bought a size medium shirt from Zara cos the small was too tight but it still makes my nipples look like bullets.” Max texted Selina.

Sitting at her desk at work, Selina laughed out loud when she read it. “Is it black?” she asked, knowing he only wore black.

“Of course it’s black! I’m returning it, it doesn’t look right.” Max replied.

“Maybe for the best, I don’t think Jogger’s nipple is a good look tbh.” she joked in reply.

“It’s satin.” Max texted back. She couldn’t tell if he was annoyed. She got on with her day. “Plans tomorrow night? I’ve got tickets for a talk about A.I. at the Science Fest?” Max texted her on the way home. Selina agreed to go.

The next evening, Selina fixed her makeup and changed her clothes before leaving the office. She wore navy denim skinny jeans, a blue blouse, a navy cord jacket and her Dr Marten boots. She drove into the city. Just as she got to the door of the venue, Max texted her to let her know he’d got them seats inside. She walked into the small room, it was dark, there was a bar to the left and a small riser at the front of the room which was lit for the speaker. The layout was informal, some people sat on low benches at the front or at bar tables on higher stools near the back, many people stood in groups, chatting and drinking as music played.

Selina spied Max sitting at a bar table, she took a deep breath and smiled to herself. She was starting to discover him more attractive every time they met. She approached the table and he looked startled to see her. “Hello! Alright?” She smiled.

Max looked her up and down quickly and she saw him swallow hard. “I got here earlier than I thought. You found it alright then?” he asked. He seemed nervous.

She nodded. “Yes. Give me a hug.” she smiled.

Max’s face showed recognition that he had forgotten to greet her properly. “You’re taller today!” he remarked as he stood up and looked down at her. She stood up slightly on her tip toes and hugged him round the neck. He turned towards her, slid his arms round her waist and hugged her comfortably. She felt him smelling her hair and her perfume on her neck as he held her against his chest.

Then she stood back and nodded down at her feet. “That’s cos I’m wearing my DM’s.” she smiled. He rested his right hand on her left hip while he looked at her. A sneaky smile teased his lips before he caught himself.

“What do you want to drink?” Max asked, lifting his hand from her hip and gesturing towards the bar. Selina hesitated as she wondered. They talked over each other as Selina shifted on her feet to approach the bar. At that moment the waitress appeared. “It’s table service.” Max said to Selina as he sat back down. She nodded in realisation.

“Soda and lime, please.” Selina ordered. The waitress looked at Max who already had a drink 3/4 full in front of him. He waved his hand to say no. Selina sat down on the stool next to his and looked around the room while she took off her coat. “I wasn’t sure what to expect but there’s a mixed crowd.” she said, looking back round at Max who nodded as he gazed at her and failed to keep a smirk from his lips. The waitress brought Selina’s drink and Selina held it out towards Max’s “Cheers!” she smiled as he lifted his glass half-heartedly to clink, like he was too cool to do such a thing. Selina sighed a laugh. “What’re you having?” she asked, casually nodding at his glass before tasting her drink.

“Sipping a beer.” he said. Selina frowned. “What?” he asked with a laugh.

“I thought you said you were sober…” Selina’s voice trailed off under the music.

“What?” Max raised his eyebrows, leaned in towards her and tipped his head inviting her to repeat herself.

She shook her head and wondered it was none of her company.

They exchanged niceties about their day. Max told her a funny story he’d overheard a woman at work telling about how she’d had an Orgasm on a rollercoaster. He was uncomfortably shy for a change, mouthing the word ‘Orgasm‘ even though no one was in earshot. They chatted more about their week at work but Selina felt like he was distracted. He was looking at her intently and he was deep in wondered. The event began and Selina enjoyed it. Once it ended, they stayed chatting at the table and ordered another drink. Max ordered sparkling water. They discussed gonna some events at an upcoming art festival.

Max still seemed distracted. While she talked, he watched her, his hand resting on his jaw as he leaned on it or his fingers teasing his mouth as if to keep in the words he really wanted to say. He asked her questions about her studies and work and when she answered she noticed a change in his body language. It was either a look of admiration or amusement but she couldn’t be sure.

“Are you alright?” Selina asked, stopping mid-sentence to check in with him.

“Of course I am!” Max said in a sincere tone.

“You seem a bit preoccupied,” Selina said as she sipped her drink. Max’s top lip rippled a smirk and he licked his lips. He looked very attractive tonight in black skinny jeans, black boots, a fitted black shirt (the replacement for the satin one!) and a tailored black blazer. Even the belt on his jeans had a black buckle. His salt and pepper hair freshly cut in a skin fade, the front curled round onto his forehead. His hazel eyes and long eyelashes highlighted by his black framed glasses.

“Didn’t you enjoy the talk?” she asked.

“It was a bit disappointing but I’m enjoying the company more…” he said, looking at her fondly. “Foxy lady!” he teased.

Selina laughed. “Thanks. You look good tonight.” she smiled. Max gazed at her as she sipped her drink. “Max! You’ve been looking at me like that all night!” she said with a nervous giggle.

“Like what?” he asked, sipping his drink to hide a smirk.

“Like I’m your dinner, like you want to devour me!” she laughed. Max smirked, looked down briefly then back up to meet her gaze and opened his mouth to respond but Selina continued in a low voice as she maintained eye contact with him. “Like you want to take me home and fuck me.” Max’s cheeks flushed, his nostrils flared as he inhaled sharply and he looked away towards the crowd quickly as he sipped his drink. Selina moved her head back and raised her eyebrows, surprised at his shyness in person given he was so forward by text and seemed to fixate on her submissiveness. In reality she just didn’t know him well enough or trust him enough yet to match his bold texting behavior. “Oh?” she asked, still looking at him, moving her head to catch his gaze, trying to prompt a response.

Max set his drink down and leaned in towards her, putting his right arm securely round her hips and he kissed her in slow, firm kisses. His pillowy, John Mayer-esque lips caressed hers softly. His warm mouth and tongue kissed hers without being forceful. It was intimate and intense but proved that less is more.

They stared at each other as Selina broke their kiss. “I thought you weren’t much of a PDA guy?” she asked quietly with a cautious smile. She turned and sipped her drink.

“My testosterone’s high today.” Max replied, shifting slightly in his seat.

“You mean you’re Horny?” she asked with a furrowed brow and sighed a laugh. Max shrugged and nodded as he sipped his drink, his right arm still round her hips. “That’s not happening tonight, just so you know.” Selina said, gesturing between them. “That I’ll let you take me home, I mean.” she clarified.

Max swallowed a gulp of his drink and held his hands up. “Hey, no, Selina, I know! I’m a gentleman.” he said calmly, sliding his hand down her left thigh. “Most of the time.” he smirked and licked his lips.

She pursed her lips in a smile. “Mm hm. Your hand is still on my leg.” she said, looking at him.

“I know.” he replied. Leaving it there as they continued to talk about work, their plans for the weekend, some topical news story. They finished their drinks and Max walked her back to her car. They hugged and chatted some more. “Can’t wait to get home and get my pjs on!” Max teased in reference to Selina usually texting the same thing in the evenings after a long day at work. Selina laughed and instinctively reached up to hug him round the neck again. He comfortably slid his arms round her hips and hugged her to him. “Must be the grey hair.” he joked about himself. Selina smiled at him and as they separated from the embrace, Max kissed her quickly and immediately began walking away. “Text me to let me know you’ve got home OK, darlin'” he smiled and he looked back at her as he walked away.

Their daily texting and emailing continued for another week. Selina had suggested another date that had been loosely arranged but when it came to the night before, suddenly Max didn’t reply. Eventually late in the afternoon the following day, he replied with an excuse about a family emergency. It seemed genuine enough but didn’t help Selina’s scepticism. Throughout the following week, Max’s behaviour and communication became more confusing and erratic. He wasn’t sleeping, he was jumping from one topic to another, she couldn’t get a clear response from him. By Thursday, it took a strange turn.

It was a public holiday. Selina snoozed her 8:45am alarm and her phone vibrated with a text message waiting to be read. She sleepily opened her messages.

“Yawn” read Max’s 8am text.

“Same” she replied.

She fell back to sleep with her phone in her hand. At 8:55am she was awakened suddenly by her phone ringing. Confused, she looked at it, trying to turn off her alarm when she realised Max was calling her. He had never called her before. “Hello?” she said sleepily, her voice cracking, as she answered the call.

“Oofftt!” replied Max with a wanting sigh. Selina sighed a sleepy giggle. Max laughed a low, naughty laugh in response. Selina struggled to wake up, blinking to try and open her eyes.

“Wish I could take advantage of that!” Max drawled.

Selina found it hard to make him out, it was windy like he was outdoors and it made his accent hard to find out in her half-concious state. “What?” she asked. Max repeated himself but this time he was even harder to find out. “What?” she asked again.

“Go back to sleep.” he drawled quietly and hung up before sending her a winking emoji. Selina smiled then put her phone back on the night stand and fell back to sleep.

She stirred about 45 mins later, got up and showered, ate breakfast and did some chores. She was busy when suddenly a wondered occurred to her – did Max call her this morning? He never called her, what was going on?!

She clicked through her recent calls and frowned. “I thought I dreamt you called me this morning but I didn’t. I don’t know what I said!” she texted him, confused.

“You said ‘I want you, come over!'” Max replied.

Selina tutted as she read it. “I may have said something weird but I definitely didn’t say something like that. Not out loud with my housemate in the next room.” she replied.

Max carried on texting about a new, custom guitar he had ordered and was waiting to be delivered in the next month. He sent her a photo of a similar one, telling her “It’s gonna be gorgeous!”

“Modelled it on yourself then?” she replied, trying to be flirty.

“Do you think I’m gorgeous or what?” he asked.

“Defo think you’re gorgeous!” she replied.

“Aww shucks!” Max texted back. They each continued on with their day. About an hour later, Max texted. “I’ve got a bad idea.”

“Spill.” replied Selina.

“Maybe we should book a room in a nice hotel.” Max texted.

Selina wasn’t sure he was being serious. “Don’t tempt me!” she replied jokingly.

“Maybe we should.” Max replied.

He was being serious? Selina’s immediate reaction was negative. She liked him, eventually she wanted to sleep with him but right now, she hardly knew him. They’d spent a maximum of 7 hours together in real life! She replied honestly. “Maybe but with my rational brain on, we haven’t discussed our relationship status. We’ve hardly spent any time together in real life. I’m not saying no, just not yet.”

“Well, I’m not seeing anyone else.” Max replied.

“Neither am I obvs.” Selina replied.

“I like you a lot more than I say.” Max replied.

“So does that mean I should call you my boyfriend or what?” she asked.

“I don’t know. We need to get on on multiple levels.” Max replied.

What the fuck does that mean? wondered Selina. She read back through the messages. Was he saying he wanted to fuck her before he would decide if he wanted a relationship with her? She had been clear from the begin that she didn’t have Sex with someone she didn’t know or wasn’t in a relationship with. Why was this conversation happening over text?

“Meaning?” she replied.

“Can we find out!” he replied.

“So you mean you want to see if we’re compatible sexually?” she texted.

“Sort of, yes?!” he replied. He seemed frustrated. She re-read the messages again. He hadn’t given a time line, he didn’t mean right then, maybe he had suggested a hotel because it was a neutral space for the both of them. She did want that but not exactly as he was hoping.

“Yes, Ok. Let’s do that.” She replied hesitantly. She felt uneasy.

“Shall I?!!!” came his response.

“Can we at least go out for dinner and bowling or something before?” she asked. She looked at the text after she’d sent it and realised how pathetic it was. What kind of an excuse for a human being reduced her to someone who asked to be taken out for dinner before reluctantly agreeing over text to Sex in a hotel room?!

He replied with “Yes lol.” and no more was mentioned about it. She felt uncomfortable about the whole conversation but was sure she wasn’t gonna agree to meeting him in that way any time soon.

Later in the day she texted asking if he wanted to meet for coffee at the weekend. He didn’t reply. In the evening she’d asked how he was. He didn’t reply. The next morning he texted her at 5:35am saying he’d been up all night sick.

She replied with concern. At work on her tea break he’d texted her to say he was going for a walk and a bubblegum milkshake. She shook her head, he was behaving so strangely. She decided to let him know how she’d felt about the proposition the previous day.

She composed an honest, succinct text explaining she was unhappy about the hotel conversation. She outlined that they’d spent very few hours together in real life and she would need to spend more time together to get to know him better and create trust and feelings before anything else could happen. She reiterated that he knew she didn’t have Sex with someone she wasn’t in a relationship with and told him that if he didn’t distribute those values it was best he let her know now.

He replied immediately with an apology and said it was an off the cuff opinion, a bipolar moment and she should dismiss it.

She asked if they could discuss where they stood to avoid further misunderstandings.

Max replied that he honestly didn’t know where they stood. She was interesting and fun to hang out with but he didn’t know if there was a spark.

Selina was baffled. Not 24 hours earlier, he was saying he wasn’t seeing anyone else, he liked her more than he said and he suggested getting a hotel room and now he was saying he didn’t think there was a spark. She waited until that evening and text him telling him this. She told him that he needn’t be embarrassed or feel rejected cos she didn’t say yes right away, if he just didn’t fancy her that cannot be helped but otherwise they’d need to spend a lot more time together in real life first.

The following morning he replied saying he hoped she had a nice weekend whatever she had planned and he was sorry for upsetting her. She replied stating her feelings, again asking him to be honest but she never heard from him again. No answer was an entire answer.

This was Selina’s first online dating experience and she was overwhelmed by the confusion and emotions. It only took a few weeks for her to work through the tangle of feelings and realise this was how it felt to be ghosted. She was happy with how she had conducted herself, how she had stood up for herself and expressed herself. She realised it was Max who was arrogant, unsure and emotionally unavailable.

Selina deleted all his messages and photos and songs, blocked his number and used the experience to mould her online dating account. On to the next.