“My sexuality is not an inferior trait that needs to be chaperoned by emotionalism or morality.”–Alice Bag

CHAPTER 08

Over the next few weeks, I wondered a lot about Brooke and Aaron and the Society. I texted Aaron occasionally just to say hello and to maintain contact. He would ask how things were going and answer my occasional question, though I would call or text Brooke with the more difficult and involved questions. When I would speak with Aaron, he purposefully stayed away from any topics that I didn’t bring up. He told me that he did that intentionally, as he wanted to give me the freedom to make up my own mind.

One thing I did bring up with Aaron was the phone he gave me. I told him to cancel the line. He sounded shocked and said he was sorry our relationship was ending. I laughed. He was puzzled but I told him that it was silly to have to maintain two phones. I gave him my regular phone number and told him feel free to contact me using that line. He laughed too and thanked me for giving him that trust.

I also spoke to Brooke quite frequently during that time over my regular cellphone line too. She would text or call or I would do the same every few days. We got together every weekend, but we agreed it would be better to meet in public so we wouldn’t be tempted with anything else and break any Society rules. I admit that I was conflicted with what might happen if we were in private, so that worked out for the best. We met at restaurants and talked long after we were done eating. Our friendship really blossomed. I couldn’t help but really like and admire her. Her interests were pretty wild, but she was very open about everything, at least with me. She was nice and genuine, and that’s hard to discover in this day and age.

It was hard keeping all of this from my other friends and family, especially my friend Brittany. She could tell something was up, something different, and I was hiding something. I kept telling her that it all had to do with my split from Jonathan, but I’m not sure whether she bought it or not. She kept bringing it up, but I took extra care never to reveal anything to her. I figured I might have to eventually tell her, but I didn’t want to break any of the trust the Society members had given me.

When the final week rolled around, Aaron sent me something that he said I should think about. When I opened his email, I actually laughed out loud. Here was one of the things that I saw in Fifty Shades that I was most curious about: the BDSM contract. What he sent wasn’t really a contract like the one in the movie, and certainly it was not really a binding contract, not in legal sense. Aaron said in his email that this was a list of BDSM activities that I should review. If I were to commit to join the Society, I should know what all of these were, what they meant and what they involved, and what my interest were in all of these. I wasn’t required to like all of them or even any specific ones; I just needed to familiarize myself with them so if the topic should come up, I didn’t have to ask about it. It would also be something he and I would go over as one of our initial steps, so that our boundaries were clear. I emailed back thanking him and told him I would look it over.

The list was extensive. There were many things here that I expected, like spanking, whipping, restraint, handcuffs, and things like that, but there were other things too like ‘figging’ and ‘felching’ that I had never heard of and had no idea what they involved. Incidentally, ‘figging’ is when you insert ginger root into the anus or vagina for the constant burning sensation and pain effect of the ginger root in those sensitive areas. Now that’s not something you hear about every day. I looked up the other one, too, but I won’t even go into what that one is (it’s not for the faint of heart).

Since I still had a week or so before I would hear from Aaron and be allowed to commit to anything, I spent some time each day reading about these things. It’s not like I had anything else to do at home after work anyway. I shied away from the many friends and co-workers and family who wanted me to get together with them, all of them telling me it would be ‘good for me’ to go out and relax and have a few drinks. A few even wanted to set me up with a friend or a cousin or co-worker, but I politely declined. Any way you looked at it, I wasn’t ready for that, especially with Aaron on and the Society looming in my mind.

By the end of the week, I had gone through the list and sorted all the activities into things I liked and wanted to try, things I wasn’t sure I liked or not or wasn’t sure how I felt about, and things I knew I wouldn’t like. For example, I think it’s obvious that I would be interested in spanking and restraint, I didn’t know how I would feel about group sex or public display, and I know I wanted nothing to do with permanent marks like tattoos or branding.

Working on sorting my interests like this was sort of detached and clinical, so it made it both harder and easier to examine these activities. This was true because, well, since you aren’t experiencing the activity, just reading about it and imagining what it might be like, you could objectively examine and evaluate it, but without actually doing it, something would be missing. It made me realize that not only did my interests sway a bit from day to day or mood to mood, but I also realized that an activity I wondered I liked might actually turn out to be horrible when I experienced it, and vice versa. I’m sure Aaron realized all of this, but I’d have to make sure and discuss this with him. I wondered to myself that I was now feeling like Dakota Johnson in that scene from Fifty Shades. I hope I don’t come off as being as naïve or silly as she did.

The final week seemed to take forever. I did my homework as mentioned above and even logged into that website that led me to all of this to start with. The number of new emails had tapered off but there was still too many to read, so I cancelled my profile. I decided that either I had found what I needed with Aaron and the Society, or I wouldn’t do this at all, so I no longer needed that site.

Contrary to what it might appear, I did struggle with whether I need to do this at all. On the night of the event that I attended, when I was there a the manor house, I was absolutely ready to join. However, given time to really think about it, I wasn’t so sure. It was definitely wild and provocative and thrilling and absolutely enjoyable and pleasurable… at least on one hand. On the other … I was raised as a nice, conservative girl … not one that was into the fringe elements of sex. Sex was supposed to be between one man and one woman who were in love with each other and were supposed to distribute that love with sensual intimacy and raise a family. The Society was almost the exact opposite. It wasn’t personal and private, it was open and wild, and most people today would call it crazy and extreme. Then there was all the time the fear of safety and dangerous play that could result in serious harm. I hadn’t been truly convinced yet that I was comfortable and safe.

Even reflecting on all of that, there was one thing that kept coming to mind that gave me the biggest reason for concern, that eclipsed every other one that I just mentioned: what if I liked it too much? What if it became an all-encompassing obsession that took over my life? In its own way, this type of experience is one where someone could get addicted, just like the worst narcotic. What if it took over and I couldn’t say no, to anyone or anything? What if it became all I could think about, all I wanted to do? That’s what scared me the most, as that’s how I felt when Aaron asked me to take off my underwear, or when Brooke asked me if I wanted to be spanked. I should have said no both times, but I was incapable of doing so, as my subconscious desires controlled me and removed all my inhibitions in doing those things.

I even discussed this with Brooke on the phone one afternoon. She said I was right for thinking about it like that and being concerned. However, she told me that, in simply voicing and raising my concern, that I had already had what I needed to never let it get out of control. She said that I could enjoy myself and let loose, but she saw that I already had in me the strength not to let it get the better of me. Hmmmm, I wondered. I wish I saw that same strength in myself.

*****

When the thirtieth day after the Society event finally came, I still didn’t know what I was gonna do. Aaron sent me a text asking me to call him when I was ready. Unlike before, when I would have jumped at the chance, I hesitated and waited. It took me a few hours, but I eventually texted him back, asking if we could get together. He responded immediately asking me when and where. I expected him to name the time and place, so I didn’t have a quick response. I waited another hour thinking about what I should choose, till it dawned on me what I need to do. I invited him to dinner at my house so that we had privacy to talk for as long as we needed and he could leave anytime he wanted. I told him he could choose any day over the next week, based on his schedule, as I was available any evening. He picked the following night. I agreed.

As soon as I realized it was gonna be that fast, I went into a panic. I needed to get the house arranged just right, perfectly clean, decide what to fix for dinner, make sure it was all prepared perfectly … and discover the right outfit to wear! I still didn’t know what I was gonna do as far as accepting or not. I had a lot to discuss with Aaron and wanted to do it in person, not via text or phone, before I made up my mind. Whether I accepted or not, though, I did want to make a good impression.

So first, I had to get the house straight, so I spent the evening doing just that. I wondered about the rest of the things I needed somewhat absent–mindedly as I cleaned and straightened up. Dinner … something light and refreshing … not too heavy or filling … so I settled on one of my favorites. It would be tilapia parmesan, paired with an arugula salad and wild rice. That shouldn’t fill us up or be too heavy of a meal. I also picked up some raspberry sorbet in case desert was needed. None of those things were too hard to fix and if I was nervous, I wouldn’t mess them up.

First thing in the morning, I went shopping for a dress. I was looking for one that was elegant and sexy, not too dressy or formal, but not too casual either. I hadn’t really specified any dress code, so as far as I knew Aaron might show up in jeans. Doubtful, though, as that wasn’t really his style. I’ve all the time been one to say that you really can not be overdressed anymore, but you can definitely be under dressed.

It took a while before I found one that I wondered was really perfect. It was a solid deep red, not a lot unlike the color the ladies wore in the Society. It wasn’t anything that formal though. The dress was several inches above the knee and form fitting, matching my curves and waistline nicely. I had been working out quite a bit, so I had dropped a few pounds and I had become more toned, especially in my mid-section, and this dress accented that well. What was really nice was the asymmetric top. It was completely off the arm on the left side and sleeveless. There was part of the top of the dress that doubled over, forming a band that hung down but just above and over my left breast and wrapped around my back, going under my left arm. From the front, the band rose on a small angle upward so that it went over my right breast a little higher on the right side, but rather than going under my arm and around my back like the left side, it continued across my arm and formed something like a small sleeve, then continued across my back to meet up with the other side under my left arm. There was a small strap that went over my right shoulder and held it up and in place, but the left side was strapless. There was no belt and it was fitted from my hips down my legs to several inches above the knee. Finally, there was an open triangular slit in the front, just to the inside of my right leg.

I added a white belt to add contrast and draw attention to my waistline. With this I wore a white strapless bra, white lace panties, no stockings, and white heels. I decided on a slightly dark shade of red lipstick, with a more natural tone of eyeshadow. I felt both sexy and gorgeous and elegant wearing this ensemble. My outfit, though, was a bit dressy for a meeting at a home, but I just loved how it looked and fit on me, especially since I had been working out. I hoped Aaron liked it just as much.

After picking out the dress, I stopped at the grocery and grabbed what I needed for dinner. I hurried home and started getting everything ready. I was still at a loss as to what I would decide, but I was really looking forward to this evening and discussing things more with Aaron. Hopefully, he would help me make up my mind.

After getting ready and with dinner waiting in the oven, I was putting the last few touches on things when the doorbell rang. I had lost track of time, which was maybe a good thing, as otherwise I might have been a nervous wreck. As it was, the doorbell sent a shiver down my body as I realized this was it. Aaron was here. I glanced at the clock and it turned out he was early.

I looked in the mirror, making sure my hair and makeup were all in place, and I went to the door. Little did I know it, but I was in for the shock of my life when I opened the door. Aaron was not alone. With him was a three-year-old boy!

Aaron was dressed casually, but not in jeans of course. Nice dress slacks, dress shirt and loafers, but no coat or tie. He held the young boy in his arms and the boy greeted me with a smile that made me want to melt. “Elizabeth, I know this is a bit of a surprise, but let me introduce you to my son, Jacob. Jacob, this is Ms. Elizabeth. Say hello.”

Jacob didn’t say a word, but just lifted his arm and gave me the cutest little wave. I smiled back and said “Hello Jacob. Nice to meet you.” I waved at him with the same little wave he gave me. “Won’t you two come in?” Jacob was simply precious. He had blonde hair, unlike his dad, and was dressed in the cutest little pants and shirt. He wore little boots to match his outfit. I wanted to just grab him and hug him that how cute he was!

But as they came in, I wondered to myself: Ok Aaron, telling me about your fiancé was one thing, but introducing me to your son? I don’t think you could have given me any bigger surprise than this!

They both came in and I invited them to sit on the sofa. As they did, Jacob stayed in Aaron’s arms, clear that he was shy and very attached to his father. He put his head on Aaron’s shoulder as he sat down. Aaron spoke up, “Elizabeth, I’m sorry to spring this on you at the last minute. Jacob was supposed to be with his nanny, but his nanny took ill and the only one I could find to sit for him tonight was my sister. She won’t be home for another twenty or thirty minutes. We were supposed to meet nearby, and I was going to drop Jacob off with her, but she got delayed. She is supposed to text when she is near and I’ll go drop him off with her. I hope that’s okay?” Aaron looked actually embarrassed.

I spoke up. “Absolutely no problem at all. Would you like Jacob to join us for dinner? I made tilapia parmesan if he likes that. I made more than enough for all of us, and that way, your sister doesn’t have to rush.”

Aaron turned to Jacob. “Would you like that? Want to stay and eat before Aunt Susie comes?” Jacob picked up his head and nodded. He looked hungry.

“Great!” I said, standing up. “Let me go get everything ready. You guys relax here, I won’t be but a minute.” I went to the kitchen and pulled everything from the oven where it was warming. I set another place at the table for Jacob. I have an antique table from my grandparents that is really thin in width and cozy for groups. I originally had Aaron on the end with me next to him, so it was easy to add another place for Jacob next to Aaron and across from me.

I escorted the guys into the dining room and had them sit. I returned and served everyone then sat down myself. By that time, Jacob had warmed up to me a bit and wasn’t as shy. He told me “thank you” for dinner and even laster asked for more “chicken” as he called it. He was so perfectly behaved and polite it was unreal. Dinner certainly didn’t go as I planned, as I expected Aaron and I to be deep in conversation by now. It was a nice and relaxing dinner instead, talking about Jacob and his ‘Nanny Becca,’ ‘Aunt Susie’ and ‘Uncle Ted’ and his cousin Brian who he was excited to go visit. What’s more, it gave me a look at a different side of Aaron, one that was much more typical. This was a side of him that I hadn’t seen yet, his personal life, one I’m sure he didn’t want to reveal to me, but the circumstances changed that. One thing that made me think, though, was: where was his fiancé? Why didn’t she take care of Jacob? What’s the story there? I had no idea.

In any event, by the end of dinner, we could hardly keep Jacob quiet. He had me laughing with the things he kept coming up with. Jacob unwittingly embarrassed Aaron with a few things he said, but he was so sweet and innocent you couldn’t fault him for it at all. I couldn’t have imagined dinner to have gone any better. No sooner had we finished than Aaron got a text from ‘Aunt Susie’ letting him know she was near.

“Alright Jacob, time to go meet Aunt Susie. Ready?” Aaron asked him.

“Can Aunt Susie come here? Can she bring Brian to come play?” Jacob asked.

“No, buddy, we have to go bring you to Aunt Susie. She doesn’t know where Ms. Elizabeth lives.”

“You can tell her daddy,” Jacob said very matter of factly.

“I know buddy, but let us just go so Aunt Susie won’t get lost.” Aaron stood and helped Jacob down, taking his hand as they started making their way to the door. Aaron turned to me, “This won’t take more than a few minutes. I told Susan where to meet us close by. I didn’t want to intrude on you.”

“It would have been fine,” I told Aaron, “but I understand. I’ll be waiting.”

“Can you say thank you and bye, Jacob?” Aaron asked.

Jacob turned to me and raised his little arms. I knelt down and he gave me the sweetest little hug as he said “Thank you Miss… Miss …,” then turned to Aaron and whispering a bit too loudly, as children do, “Daddy, what’s her name again?” It was so darn cute I almost lost it right there.

“Elizabeth,” I told him, barely able to contain my laugh.

“Thank you for the chicken, Elizabeth,” Jacob said.

Aaron quickly corrected him. “It’s MISS Elizabeth, Jacob.”

“No daddy,” Jacob responded matter of factly, “she said her name was Elizabeth, not Miss Elizabeth, so I called her Elizabeth, just like she said.”

We both smiled at Jacob’s response, as cute as it was, so I told him, “Jacob, Elizabeth is perfectly fine, you call me whatever you want. Have fun playing with Brian. It was really sweet meeting you!”

“Bye Elizabeth,” Jacob said, waving with his little hand, as Aaron shuffled him out the door.

I went back and cleaned up after dinner, getting things together as Aaron went to drop off Jacob. The dichotomy was not lost on me. On one hand, here was a man who was into dominating women, had a fiancé, and had wild, deviant sex with what I could only imagine was a multitude of women. Yet on the other hand, he was also a father, tender and caring, and obviously very devoted to his son. I thought what happened to Jacob’s mother? Was she still in the picture? It didn’t sound like his fiancé was Jacob’s mother, as Aaron or Jacob would have mentioned that.

It didn’t take long for Aaron to come back and I heard his car drive up not long after I had cleaned up after dinner. I met him at the door and let him in. He came in apologizing repeatedly.