Kelly was nervous about registering for the appointment. She had never seen a therapist before and felt a bit ashamed at the wondered of seeing one now. She reminded herself that this was a healthy thing to do and she needed to find out what was going on with her boyfriend Brad. She really wished she didn’t have to go to the University’s student clinic but she worried that her parents might get a bill or a statement if she used her health insurance given she was on her father’s plan.
Kelly kept looking up at the clock. She had arrived 15 minutes early as requested. Registering had only taken a minute so now she fidgeted in the uncomfortable waiting room chair praying no-one she knew would see her. Fortunately, she didn’t have to wait long. After a few minutes she heard her name and was taken to a nice office. Dr. Berlin greeted her warmly. Kelly was happy to see that Dr. Berlin appeared to be young. She had a nose piercing and a youthful manner. She guessed early 30’s. Kelly was uncomfortable talking about sex and felt relieved that she didn’t have to try to relay her issues to someone older than her mother. Dr Berlin was quite attractive but in an unconventional way. She was tall and slim. She wore a tight black turtleneck with a pencil skirt and 4 inch heels that accentuated her height. The outfit somehow seemed both modest and provocative.
They spent the first session becoming acquainted. Kelly told her that she was a freshman majoring in Poli Sci. She imagined gonna law college but wasn’t certain. The year had been great. She rushed and got into her favorite sorority where she had made a number of close friends. She also ran the 400 for the track team. She enjoyed her classes and was doing well academically. She met Brad early freshman year at a party. They hit it off immediately.
“He’s so dreamy.”
Kelly blushed, worried that she sounded like a starstruck fangirl but Dr. Berlin smiled and betrayed no judgment.
“I mean I still get goosebumps every time I see him… He’s SO handsome, he treats me super well, he’s a great athlete, does well in school, and even has a healthy relationship with his mom. I’ve never really been serious with anyone before and now I feel like I hit the jackpot! All my friends are so jealous. They’d freak if they knew I was here.”
“So, why are you here?”
Kelly hesitated and then whispered, “sex.”
“Sex.” This time Kelly said it loud enough to be heard and Kelly noticed the subtle flair of Dr. Berlin’s nostrils as she leaned forward.
“Great, I can assure you I can help you and we’ll get you talking about sex more freely soon. We’re almost out of time though. Let’s pick up next week.”
Kelly walked home feeling better about everything. Well enough even that she thought if she even needed therapy. She delayed making a follow up appointment but eventually relented. On the next couple of visits, Kelly relayed her story. It was difficult for her given her shyness around sex but she gradually became more and more comfortable speaking to Dr. Berlin.
“Sex with Brad is great. I slept with a few guys in high school but mostly never connected with any of them and was really just going through the motions. But with Brad… I mean I was so into him. Even the very first time we had sex was so amazing and he’s just… I don’t know. He just knows when to be slow or fast or gentle or rough.”
“So what’s the problem? It sounds like all your friends should be jealous!”
They both laughed. Dr. Berlin knew who Brad was. It was a small campus and she had seen Kelly and Brad together from afar the week before. She recognized Brad since he had taken one of her Psych classes during his freshman year. He was handsome and clever but he also struck her as entitled and a bit naive. Dr. Berlin took her student therapy sessions seriously and never betrayed confidences but she loved the voyeuristic aspect of talking about the lives of the students around her.
“So it started about two months ago after I went on the pill. Before that we were using condoms — most of the time anyway.”
“Be careful! I don’t want you in here crying to me about a surprise pregnancy.”
“I know.” Kelly appreciated Dr. Berlin’s concern. “But I’m on the pill now. I think it’s like 99% effective.”
“That’s right. Good for you.”
“So after we stopped using condoms he would… you know. He would finish…”
“He would cum?”
“Yes… I mean, of course but more… God how do I say this?”
“On you or in you?”
“Mouth or vagina or the derrière?”
Kelly blushed and giggled for a moment, “mostly my…”
Kelly struggled to get the words out but managed to stammer, “he would cum in my pussy.”
“Good! Go on.”
“So about two months ago we had sex and he… he…. Brad came in my pussy.”
“Good — it’ll get easier.”
“We were both really drunk and after he finished he got up to go to the bathroom. When he got back into bed he started touching me and playing with my clit. I felt anxious because I felt… I don’t know…. unclean. It felt good though but after he put his fingers in me he started saying I had a dirty pussy and called me a slut. I was almost in tears but hid it. He got super excited and started fucking… I mean sex… we had sex…”
“You can say ‘fucking’.”
Kelly smiled, “He kept calling me a dirty slut and a whore and told me I had a dirty pussy. I felt so bad. He just passed out after and I cried all night.”
“Did you talk about it the next day?”
“No, of course not.” Kelly smiled, “you can see how hard this is for me. Plus I just figured he was way too drunk. He’s always so nice and respectful towards me.”
“But it keeps happening?” Dr. Berlin smiled inwardly, loving that she was about to learn of Brad’s perversions and fetishes.
“Yes, a few more times. It’s always when he’s been drinking. The weirdest thing though is last time he did it he started kissing my neck while he fingered me and called me names like slut and stuff. But then he kissed my chest and belly and I swear to God I think he was going to go down on me! Which I normally love love love but it was just so weird — to do it right after cumming in me! Like no guy would ever do that! It’s so gross.”
“Why do you think it’s gross?”
“I mean no guy ever…”
Kelly blushed, “But I’m a girl. It’s just different. I mean most guys won’t even kiss after they… you know… in my mouth.”
“The patriarchy is deep in you.”
They both laughed.
“I can tell you that a lot of men fantasize about tasting their own semen or even another man’s but societal expectations, inhibitions, and fear often stop them.”
“Yes, it’s quite common.”
“I have a hard time believing that.”
Dr. Berlin smiled, “I have a secret for you that can change your life if you want to hear it before you go.”
“If you make a man feel safe to explore the aspect of his sexuality that he’s most afraid of and excited by, he will run through walls for you.”
Kelly came back the following week.
“I thought a lot about what you said — the secret you shared. It makes sense but I guess I don’t really understand how.”
“Yes, the ‘how’ can be hard. Has anyone made you feel safe like that?”
“What do you mean?”
“Is there a part of you that scares you in some way?
“No… I don’t think so.”
“Have you ever shared a desire or fantasy with a friend or lover that had a chance of changing how they felt about you?”
“I don’t know. I mean I’m not sure if I have that type of secret.”
“Maybe… Think though. Do you have recurrent fantasies that both excite you and bother you?”
“No, not at all.”
“No repressed sapphic desires?”
“No, not at all. I mean I love female beauty but I’ve never been attracted in that way.”
“Fantasies about your father? Brothers?”
“No!!! That’s gross. And I don’t even have brothers. I guess I had a crush on my best friend’s older brother like forever but that wasn’t a secret or anything.”
Kelly paused, “No…. I don’t know.”
“I mentioned Brody — my best friend’s brother. I used to have… I mean I still have two weird fantasies about him. I slept over at Julie’s house a lot and when I did I would all the time lie on my stomach and dream or hope for him to sneak in and fuck me. I’d whisper ‘no’ but he would cover my mouth with his hand and fuck me until I was whimpering. The whole time I would be so scared Julie would wake up.”
“Did she ever wake up in your dreams?”
“Interesting. And the other?”
“Oh God… this is so embarrassing… Brody had the most gorgeous girlfriend. She was all the time mean to me. I think she knew I was crushing on him. She would come over in the summer when Brody was back from school and we could hear them have sex because his bedroom was next to Julie’s room.”
Kelly felt uncomfortable but soldiered on, “I used to dream I snuck into Brody’s room and watched them having sex. His girlfriend, Sara, would all the time catch me and would begin calling me pathetic and perverted and other mean stuff. Sometimes Julie or her mother would come in and be *so* mean to me. Sara and Brody would keep on having sex and laughing at me even when others came into the room.”
“Wow, there’s so much there. Forbidden fruit dreams are great fun to explore. Did you ever act on your desire for Brody?”
Kelly blushed crimson.
“Oh God… I’ve never told anyone! Julie would disown me!”
“The night before Julie and I left for college we went out and got drunk. I got tipsy but Julie was wasted and started throwing up and stuff when we got back to her place. She totally passed out and then I was lying in bed listening to Brody and his horrible girlfriend having sex. After they were done she left. Her parents never let her spend the night. Julie was lights out so I decided to go for it. I snuck into Brody’s room. I was so nervous I almost vomited when he looked up at me. I took my clothes off and jumped into his bed. He tried saying no but I started kissing him and I… this is so embarrassing… I went down on him even though he’d just had sex with her. Somehow it got me so excited. We did it. It was so fun and just perfect but also totally fucked up. I still feel guilty.”
“Why do you feel guilty?”
“Oh God… so many reasons. Julie would hate me if she knew and I don’t like having a secret hidden from her. As much as I hate Brody’s girlfriend, I don’t like that I cheated on her.”
“Not even a little?”
Kelly smiled nervously, “Maybe a little but… I hate that I went down on him after… you know. Right after he fucked her. He tried to stop me. Kind of anyways.” Kelly laughed, “He didn’t try too hard honestly but he must think so poorly of me. He was really rough with me too. Like hot rough if you know what I mean but still…I haven’t seen him since and I’ll die if I do see him again. But the worst is I still get excited when I think about how humiliating it was. Acting slutty like that and I don’t know… kind of being intimate with *her* in a way.”
Kelly started to cry and stood up.
“Why are we talking about me anyway!?! You’re supposed to be talking about Brad!”
Kelly rushed out the door feeling humiliated.
It was a few months before Kelly came back. Her anger and shame dissipated over time and she understood that talking to Dr. Berlin had helped her.
“I’m sorry about last time.”
“It’s fine. No need for apologies. I’m glad to see you again. How are things?”
“Really good! I can’t believe my freshman year is almost over. It’s been so much fun. And I have some good updates!”
“I told Julie about her brother and me. She wasn’t happy about it but understood and we’re good. I went back home for Easter and I couldn’t face her with a secret. I was able to talk to Brody and he was really sweet. We had a moment — I could never cheat on Brad — but I wanted to for a minute.”
“Wow! That’s a lot. Congrats!”
“Are you serious about Brody?”
“No, I mean I want to be but I don’t think I could be with him and still be Julie’s bff and that’s more important to me. Plus Brad. I really love him.”
“How is Brad?”
“Good, he’s graduating but got a job in NYC to stay nearby. It’ll be weird to not see him on campus but he might come back for business school next year.”
Kelly shifted in her chair.
“But that thing I told you about is still happening. We’ve talked about it a bit and I’ve made some progress but I still don’t understand why he does it.”
“What progress have you made?”
“I get now that when he calls me slutty and stuff he doesn’t really mean it. It’s just dirty talk. I have even begun to find it… I don’t know… hot, I guess. I’ll even call myself slutty sometimes and it gets me kind of excited.”
“It can be so hot.”
“But is it OK? I feel so conflicted about letting him treat me that way. We’re going to a wedding this weekend and have a nice hotel room. I’m pretty sure it’s going to happen again.”
“You have to stay within your comfort zone. But try to have fun with it. There are some ways you can approach things in a way that might be kind of fun for you.”
Those words ran through Kelly’s head all weekend and now the time had come. It was 3:00 in the morning as they stumbled back to their room. Kelly was too tipsy to be nervous and felt unusually confident. She pushed Brad onto the bed and climbed on top of him. She could feel her wetness running down her legs. She pulled Brad’s cock out and lowered herself onto it with a groan of excitement. Kelly leaned forward and whispered into Brad’s ear, “Fuck me baby… I want you to cum in me.”
She could sense Brad’s surprise at her forwardness but also felt his cock harden further inside of her. Kelly felt emboldened and could feel her own climax rapidly building.
“Cum in me baby. Hurry… make my slutty pussy all dirty. Fast baby… I want you to know how slutty my pussy really is.”
Kelly started bouncing faster on Brad’s cock. Brad reached up to pull down Kelly’s dress and squeeze Kelly’s tits. Her breasts were small but fit her frame perfectly. They barely bounced even with Kelly’s gymnastics. Brad loved how her nipples all the time pointed up and moved his hands to squeeze her nipples eliciting a gasp of pleasure from Kelly.
“Oh God… fuck my pussy! It’s such a slutty pussy!”
Brad felt overwhelmed hearing Kelly’s words as she bounced on his cock.
“Cum in me!”
Brad reached his zenith and came powerfully. He felt light headed afterwards and felt confused about what had just happened. He felt embarrassed but at the same time recognized he was getting excited again just thinking about Kelly’s words.
Kelly lay on Brad’s chest and savored the moment but wished they weren’t still clothed. She sighed and reluctantly rolled off of Brad, stood up, and undressed. She watched as Brad disrobed and then slid into bed next to him.
Kelly embraced him as she whispered, “that was amazing.”
Brad kissed Kelly deeply, uncertain what to say.
“Put your fingers in me.”
“Mmmmm… that feels good.” Kelly could feel Brad’s cock hardening against her belly. “You like my dirty pussy, don’t you?”
Brad hesitated, he wasn’t expecting Kelly to continue taking the lead and after his orgasm he felt his insecurities creeping back into his head. Kelly grabbed his hand and brought his fingers down to her pussy. Brad put two fingers into her pussy and started to fuck her with his fingers. Her cunt was drenched with her cum and his.
Kelly moaned in excitement. After a few minutes, she brought Brad’s hand to her mouth and slowly sucked on his fingers tasting both of them. She put her own fingers inside of herself.
Kelly felt suddenly anxious as she brought her fingers to Brad’s mouth. She had been thinking about this moment for days and she forced herself to proceed with her plan. Brad said, “no” unconvincingly and Kelly pressed her fingers more firmly against his lips. They opened slightly and Kelly pushed past the token resistance. Brad capitulated and began to suck Kelly’s fingers as Kelly kept moving her fingers in and out of his mouth.
“Such a dirty mouth.”
Kelly put her fingers inside of herself again and brought them right back to Brad’s mouth.
“Suck them baby… you love my dirty pussy, don’t you?”
Brad nodded his head as he sucked her fingers clean.
Brad looked at her with uncertainty.
The ambiguity of her words created a palpable tension. Brad felt frozen and finally let out a weak, “how?”
Kelly put her hand on the top of his head. He gasped as she began to push his head down to her sex. Kelly’s anxiety disappeared as she felt Brad’s cock suddenly harden against her leg. She instinctively grabbed his erection and swung her leg over his body and impaled herself on him again. For a moment she was disappointed in herself for changing the game plan but as she ground her clit on his pubis the bolts of pleasure assuaged her regret. Kelly kept grinding while looking deeply into Brad’s eyes. Her mind raced filled with love, pity, and scorn for her lover. Suddenly, the image of her straddling his head popped into her mind’s eye and the depravity brought her over the top. As she descended from her petit mort she could tell Brad was close. Kelly bit her lip and whispered in Brad’s ear, “you want this baby, don’t you? You want to lick me now, don’t you?”
Brad’s immediate orgasm answered her questions and once she felt his cock stop spasming inside of her she crawled up Brad’s chest. She grabbed Brad’s hands and pinned them above his head while positioning her knees so that she was straddling his head.
Brad looked up into her eyes. He could have easily thrown her off of him. He wondered about it but moved his eyes to her pussy and seeing his cum leaking out of her somehow triggered his most base instincts and his mouth opened. The moan he let out as he did so was not only shamefully audible but even worse, both desperate and girlish.
His fate was cemented as he watched a blob of his own cum slowly descend from Kelly’s angry cunt. Brad saw the thinning stalk break and his cum plopped down unceremoniously on his mouth, upper lip, and nose.
“Lick it up.”
Brad obeyed. He couldn’t help but grimace from the slimy texture but nevertheless didn’t swallow even as he recognized the inevitability of doing so.
Kelly used a hand to feed Brad the rest of himself. She smirked, noticing Brad’s attempt to not swallow and scolded, “good girls swallow.” Brad succumbed. Kelly saw his Adam’s apple shift as he took his seed in. With that Kelly sat on his mouth feeling victorious and determined to orgasm again as her trophy
Weeks later Kelly felt ready to go further. She had been through several more sessions of coaching by Dr. Berlin. That night she met Brad at a small French bistro. After dinner, Kelly turned to Brad and suggested another round. She knew the conversation would be easier if they were both a bit disinhibited. They had shared a bottle of Syrah at dinner and were about to get their second Negroni. Brad waved the bartender over. He came back quickly with their drinks.
Glasses met and gossip resumed. Eventually Kelly gathered the nerve to change the subject.
“Can I make a confession?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“Before I met you there was a guy back home I really liked but he had a girlfriend.”
Kelly decided to change the story a bit to protect the innocent and the guilty.
“I was at a party and got tipsy. I saw him go into a room with his girlfriend and this is crazy but I cracked the door and listened to them have sex. I got really excited — they almost caught me! But later that night his girlfriend left and I basically begged him to follow me into the upstairs bathroom. I did things I’m not proud of.”