(fictional story about fictional characters)

Leonard Hofstadter was calibrating a high-powered laser in his laboratory at Cal Tech when his friend, and fellow scientist, Howard Wolowitz came through the doorway. “What’s up Howard,” he asked.

“I wanted to talk to you before lunch when the other guys will be there,” Howard answered. “Yesterday Bernadette’s OB-GYN put her on complete bedrest for the duration of her pregnancy.”

“Oh that’s too bad…l hope she’s OK,” Leonard sincerely told him, “but why did you want to tell me in private.”

“Yeah, she’s fine; it’s just a precaution,” Howard said. “Here’s the thing; we had a long weekend planned at a Bed & Breakfast vineyard in the Napa Valley, and now we can’t go. It’s all paid for and the reservations are non-refundable. I wanted to give you the heads up because sometime today Bernie’s going to call Penny and offer the reservations to you guys…no charge, of course. If you don’t accept, we have to go down the list to Sheldon or Raj.”

“Wow, Napa Valley vineyard, huh,” Leonard reacted, “I’m not sure it’s such a good idea to take Penny to where they actually make the wine.” He was joking, but it was well known that Penny loved her wine.

“Well, I’m just letting you know because I have a feeling that if your reaction is anything less than thrilled when Penny asks you; you’ll be in the doghouse,” Howard suggested.

“Yeah you’re probably right,” Leonard admitted. “It’s a great offer; I really do appreciate it. I’m sure it cost you a bundle.”

“Oh yeah,” Howard told him, “I; or I should say Bernadette; spared no expense. Winery tour, tasting event, even a spa treatment…VIP all the way.”

“The truth is, I really would like to get away for a few days with Penny…it would be the honeymoon we never had. Three days without Sheldon is incentive enough,” Leonard stated. “I would be glad to reimburse you guys.”

“Nonsense…Bernadette would kill me if I took your money…so we can’t tell her,” Howard winked, “if she asks; I refused.”

Later that afternoon, Leonard was home puttering in the kitchen when Penny arrived home from Zangen. “We don’t have any plans for next weekend…right,” she asked, her enthusiasm evident.

“Not that I know of,” he slyly answered.

“We do now,” she beamed, “we’re going to the Napa Valley to a B&B…for Free. Hey that rhymes…I shoulda been a rapper.”

Happy that Howard had alerted him; Leonard rushed over to Penny, put his arms around her and urged: “that’s great…tell me the details.” Penny had to admit that she was astonished by his reaction; he usually fought her tooth and nail over any plans that included the outdoors. After she had explained the situation; she was further surprised when he matched her enthusiasm: “wow…three days alone with the most beautiful girl in the world…and no Sheldon in sight…it can be the honeymoon we never had.”

Knowing Leonard as well as she did, she furrowed her brow and stated: “alright…Howard told you, didn’t he?”

Laughing, he admitted: “yeah he did…but I still think it’s great. Just the two of us.”

Arriving at the winery on Friday afternoon, the Hofstadters were immediately impressed. The B&B itself was a sprawling old farmhouse with a spacious wrap-around porch littered with wooden rocking chairs that seemed to call out to them. A separate building housed the spa and giftshop; while the winery was set back on the opposite side of the winding driveway. There were rows of vines as far as they could see. It was September, so grape picking season was in full swing and the farm bustled with activity. Checking in, they made sure to sign up for the wine-tasting event and the winery tour, the next day. Penny signed up for a spa session on Saturday evening; the only day the masseuse stayed late. Their room was light and airy with a huge puffy comforter on the queen size brass bed.

Dropping their bags, Leonard dove onto the bed and sunk deep into the soft covering. He would have been content to stay right there after the long drive, but they decided to take a walk around the property before dinner. Penny had worn a light yellow sundress with spaghetti straps and was a vision of loveliness as they strolled around the various buildings and into the vineyard. Leonard could tell she had foregone a bra by the way her magnificent breasts wobbled inside the fabric. They walked hand in hand and he was incredibly proud as she drew second glances from all the migrant farmhands that had been hired to do the picking. When the breeze kicked in, her incredible legs were put on display.

When they were seated in the dining area, there was only one other couple there and the proprietor informed them that there had been a couple of cancellations so the weekend would be very peaceful. There would be other day-trippers for the winery tour and tasting event the next day. The “special” on the menu was Calamari and although neither was terribly excited about it, Penny decided to try it for the first time and urged Leonard: “come on chicken…we’re on our honeymoon…get out of your comfort-zone. You’ve had sushi and didn’t hate it.”

Very reluctantly he agreed: “I’ve never liked sushi…merely tolerated it when I was with you in hopes of sleeping with you. Now that we’re married, I didn’t think I’d ever have to eat it again…and Calamari can’t be any better. I’ll try it to prove I can be flexible, but be warned; if I spit it out, it’ll probably land on you.” The truth was, he was staring down her ample cleavage and just wanted to get dinner over with so he could take her back to their room and ravish her. By the time their servings of squid were delivered, Penny had nearly finished the entire complimentary bottle of “house” wine and had already ordered another.

“This is last year’s vintage,” she remarked, “and it’s excellent. Before we leave we should buy a case to take home. We’ll never find wine cheaper than here at the source and they would make great gifts for our friends…especially Bernadette and Howard…we have to get them something for their generosity.” Leonard nodded, knowing he had paid Howard for the weekend; but promised not to tell. When their food was served, they both looked at each other and knew immediately they had made the wrong choice. However, since they had ordered it and didn’t want to offend the chef; they both forced down several bites before shoveling the remainder onto a napkin for disposal later. Lemon meringue pie was the dessert.

It was well after dark when they left the dining room and wandered out onto the porch. Leonard plopped down into one of the rocking chairs and Penny sat on his lap, swinging her shapely legs over the arm of the chair. Her smile was what had melted his heart the first time he saw her, but her incredible legs were not far down on the list of his favorite things. The wine had taken effect and Penny’s inhibitions had taken their leave as they kissed passionately, his arms around her and her hands cradling his head. “I Love you Mrs. Hofstadter,” he whispered when their lips broke.

“Right back at ya, Mr. Hofstadter,” she murmured back. They had wisely chosen a rocker at the far, shadowed end of the porch and her sideways position gave Leonard unobstructed access to her incredible chest. He started to squeeze her soft mounds through her dress and then became bolder as he eased her shoulder strap down and off her right arm. Tugging the fabric down, her right tit popped out in all it’s glory. And glorious, it was. Her breasts were a wonderment of soft, and yet firm, flesh. They were a full 35 C with large pink elliptical areola. Large gumdrop sized nipples were now completely erect and inviting his lips. Leaning down, he sucked her nub into his mouth, tickled it with his tongue and gently chewed.

While nibbling on her nipple, his hand traveled down to her knee which was draped over the arm of the chair. Noticing that she parted her legs to allow access, he began to massage and caress her inner thigh; running his hand up and down her silky flesh and marveling again at how smooth it was. Every time he touched his bride, he reminded himself how lucky he was to have her in his life; and this was certainly no exception. Even though the light was dim, he loved the sight of her bare legs as he inched her dress higher. Sliding his hand between her thighs, he discovered that she had gone completely commando…no panties. Looking him in the eyes, she dreamily whispered: “happy honeymoon, Mr. Hofstadter.”

He cupped her prominent mound in his hand, feeling how bald and wet it was. Leaning down again, he gently bit down on her exposed nipple as he slowly slid two fingers into her juicy slit. “Oh my God, Leonard,” Penny moaned as her body quivered in climax. “I am so happy I married you,” she told him as she felt his fingers sliding in and out of her hole while his thumb strummed her swollen clit. They had been together long enough that Leonard knew exactly which buttons to push and when…he could play her body like a guitar. Her Ass squirmed against his lap, grinding onto his hard-on almost painfully. “Feels like I’m not the only one getting excited,” she seductively suggested.

“I get excited every time I see you,” he admitted, feeling how drenched his hand was now.

“Jeez Leonard, how do you keep coming up with those lines,” she exclaimed and leaned up to smother his lips with hers. Penny had never felt as contented as she did now; and actually never dreamt that one man could make her feel that way. Her only regret in their relationship was that she had rejected him and pushed him away so many times. Her fear of commitment had robbed them of so much time together. Feeling his fingers still inside her, Penny finally broke off their kiss and she wiggled off his lap. Not even checking to see if they had spectators, she dropped to her knees between his legs and began to unclasp and unzip his trousers.

Raising up to assist her, Leonard had a huge grin on his face as she tugged his pants and boxers down his legs and off one foot. Seeing his thick nine inch pole standing at attention; now Penny grinned. Grasping his penis in her hand, she told him: “I’m sorry I can’t give this the attention it deserves right now, but you’ve gotten me so Hot I need you to fuck me.” Standing up, she lowered the other shoulder strap, and hiked her bottom hew upward so that her dress was now bunched around her waist.

“God she’s beautiful,” Leonard reminded himself as he stared at her nearly naked body.

“You were flexible at dinner; and now I’m going to show you how flexible I can be,” she winked at him as she managed to squeeze her long, wonderful legs through the arms of the rocking chair and straddle his lap. As they both looked down, Penny grasped his fat pole in her hand and started to wedge his bulbous crown between her fleshy lips. Her legs were spread so wide as she straddled the chair that her slit had already opened, giving her a perfect target. Inching forward, they watched as his head split her slit and entered her wet opening. As soon as he was inside, Penny just slowly sat down on his lap, feeling his hard meat slide up into her juicy hole. The sensation of him stretching the entire length of her tunnel was exquisite and she moaned: “oh God, Leonard…I Love your cock.”

In her considerable experience, Penny had certainly had larger pricks inside her, but she had come to the conclusion that Leonard’s was the perfect size for her. Not too small and not too big; just the perfect size to satisfy her every time. They sat there motionless for a couple minutes; each savoring that first penetration. Leonard leaned forward and began to suck on her gumdrop nipples; first the left and then the right, making sure to neglect neither. Penny raised up, causing his log to slide out, and then sat back down hard, jamming it back inside. As she began to repeat this move, Leonard shoved his groin upward to meet her strokes; fucking her Pussy as hard as he could in that position.

The abundance of wine she had consumed had taken full effect as they fucked each other and Penny moaned: “ohhh yesss baby…fuck me…fuck me…stretch my little cunt.” Her magnificent tits were bouncing up and down right in front of his face and Leonard reached out with both hands to knead and squeeze her warm fleshy mounds. Trapping her hard nipples between his fingers, he squeezed them as hard as he dared. She was riding him up and down like a bucking bull at the rodeo, the chair rocking violently back and forth. “Yee haw,” she shouted as she bounced on his shaft, grinding her pelvis into his, trying to force more cock inside her.

“Holy crap I Love fucking you,” she groaned as he rammed upward into her hole. When he leaned in and began to nibble on her earlobe and the side of her neck, Leonard could feel her vaginal muscles clamp down on his cock and spasm around him. Penny’s legs shot out to the sides of the chair and he could feel his lap being flooded with her juices. He knew she had just squirted and he joined her as he began to pump his seed up into her cunt. “Yesss baby…yesss,” she squealed, “cum in me…fill my fucking cunt.” She loved the sensation of his warm semen filling her hole; it was so intimate and satisfying. They put their arms around each other and hugged tightly as their bodies became one.

Leonard could feel her muscles releasing their grip on his shrinking prick and they both relaxed. Suddenly self-conscious in their surroundings, they looked around; half expecting to see a crowd gathered…but not a single other person was evident. “We probably should take this up to the room,” Leonard suggested, and Penny pulled the straps of her dress back up her shoulders and carefully extricated her legs from the chair. When they were dressed, the Hofstadters sauntered up to their room like nothing had happened.

A couple hours later, Penny awoke from a sound sleep to horrible and distressing sounds coming from their bathroom. Seeing her husband was missing from the bed, Penny called out: “Leonard, are you OK?”

Between gags and flushes, he groaned: “does it sound like I’m OK? I think I’m allergic to Calamari…I’ve got chunks of squid shooting out of both ends. It’s not pretty in here so please stay away.”

“Baby, I’m so sorry…can I get you anything,” she asked

“A gun with just one bullet,” Leonard croaked, “so I can end this. Try to go back to sleep. I’ve got a couple big towels and I’m going to camp out in here the rest of the night.” Penny had to give her husband credit: when he was sick, he just liked to be left alone. He wasn’t a big baby about it; or a giant pain-in-the-Ass like Sheldon.

In the morning, Leonard was feeling so weak that he could hardly move…his stomach muscles very sore. Penny offered to stay in the room with him all day, but he wouldn’t hear of it. “No way,” he told her, “you go on the tour and to the tasting event…you’ve earned this vacation. Now you can see how they make your favorite beverage…besides, I don’t like you seeing me like this.” He really did look awful and she could tell he felt even worse than he looked. She protested, but Leonard insisted she try to have fun: “one of us should get our money’s worth.”

“What do you mean our money,” she quizzed him, “I thought Howard gave it to us.”

“Oh crap…I can’t even think straight,” he answered, “no I paid him for it. It didn’t seem right taking it as a gift. I promised I wouldn’t tell, so don’t tell Bernadette.”

“Leonard Hofstadter, you are such a wonderful man,” she kissed his forehead, avoiding his mouth. She agreed they should get something for their money and dressed in another light sundress…this one pale blue…and this time with panties. She visited the kitchen and brought back some plain toast, crackers and ginger ale for her husband. While chatting with the chef she discovered something that neither she or Leonard was aware: the chef’s recipe for preparing Calamari included milk…strike two for the poor lactose intolerant Leonard.

A good crowd showed up for the winery tour and everyone was friendly, so her mind was not constantly on her sick husband. Penny learned a lot about the wine making process and she thought she could give even Sheldon Cooper a run for the money if a Jeopardy category was ever “wine making.” They even rode in a tractor pulled wagon to tour the vineyards, making Penny feel like she was back at home in Nebraska. When they were walking among the vines, she struck up a conversation with a couple of the migrant workers who introduced themselves as Juan and Miguel. They said they had seen her at the B&B when running errands and suggested that if she wanted to get an insider’s look at the wine process, they could give her a private tour after the tasting event. She told them she would think about it.

She really did have a great time on the tour, learning all about the various types of grapes and wines. Hopefully she would impress her friends with her knowledge of Barbera, Cabernet sauvignon, Merlot, and Pinot noir grapes; not to mention her favorite white wines like Chardonnay, Sauvignon blanc, and Muscat orange. As an experiment they had the tourists close their eyes when they inhaled the wine aroma and the Cabernet sauvignon smelled just like chocolate to her.

Between the tour and the wine tasting event, Penny went back to the room and found an exhausted Leonard sleeping as soundly as a rock. “Poor baby,” she whispered, feeling totally guilty because she knew she had virtually forced him to eat the Calamari. “I bet he doesn’t wake up until tomorrow,” she thought as she made sure there was a bottle of water at the bedside.

At the wine tasting, there were numerous tables set up with plastic wine glasses full of samples. Each table was a different wine, with an accompanying sign explaining its origin, and production methods. The host explained that the proper way to test the wines was to swish a sample in your mouth and then spit it out. Then wash your mouth out with water and repeat. Penny thought: “spit it out…what an incredible waste.” She wasn’t alone in her thoughts because she saw no one spitting instead of swallowing. Making the rounds of the tables three times; by the time she was done, she was feeling a little wobbly on her feet…maybe more than a little wobbly. The fact that without Leonard there, she had completely forgotten about lunch and was working on an empty stomach, was also a factor in her inebriation.

Leaving the barn where the table had been set up, she passed Miguel and Juan from earlier that day and they again asked her if she wanted a personal and private tour. Knowing that Leonard was out like a light and she had a lot of time to kill before her spa appointment, Penny readily agreed to their generous offer. They took her on a quick tour of the presses, the storage tanks and the bottling equipment and then asked if she would like to join them in a tasting of what they bottle in Mexico. Juan informed her: “you mentioned what a good time you had at the wine tasting; well we come from Suarez, Mexico where our family bottles the finest tequila. Would you like to sample it?”

Nearly slurring her words already, Penny told them: “I would Love to. I’m a big fan of tequila…even more so than wine.”

“We must warn you,” Miguel informed her in passable English, “it is very strong…not for the casual tourist.”

“Don’t worry,” she assured them, “I’ve been sampling tequila for many years.” Nearly stumbling on the way to their community bunkhouse, she didn’t see them wink at each other. When they got to the building, there were three other workers there who Juan introduced as Julio, Rodrigo, and Frankie. They sat around a large wooden picnic table made from an empty spool that had once housed some type of cable wire. Miguel produced two large bottles, unadorned with any kind of label, and a sleeve of red plastic cups. Everyone took turns pouring their own tequila and then they waited for Penny to have the first taste. Her senses, including taste, dulled by the amount of wine in her system prevented her from properly judging the strength of the tequila and she readily drank down the entire cup full.