A Vision of Love

By OlympusMons90

It was almost lunchtime on a Wednesday as I drove onto the building site, my brother waiving me over towards the de-mountable office.

“Bill, where the fuck have you been? The clients left almost an hour ago.”

“Yeah, sorry about that Kevin. I got caught up with something.”

“You mean you got caught up in someone. This shit has to stop, or at least do it on your own time for fuck’s sake, we’re trying to run a business here.”

“Yeah, I know. How did it go with the clients? No variations? They happy with the progress?”

“We’re all good. No changes yet, so that’s something. How do you feel about going to check on the site in Irving? The Plumbers are meant to be finishing up there today.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll call you later.”

As I got back in my pick-up and drove off the site in West Dallas, I started reflecting on how I got to this point. I felt more than a little lost, drifting almost. My whole life has changed after the birth of my second child, my son Thomas. Everything was fine after Brianna was born, but after Thomas, nothing’s been the same.

I’m William Patterson or Bill or Billy as I’m known to friends and family. I’m twenty-eight years old, my Wife Brittany is twenty-six. My Wife Brittany, I guess I should use that term loosely. We’re really only husband and Wife now in name only. Yeah, we still live together in the house I built in Dallas, Texas, but I wouldn’t call us ‘husband and Wife‘ in the true sense. We stopped being that after our son was born.

I met my Wife on the job, she’s a realtor and I’m a Building Developer. I was only twenty-three when we met, Brittany was just twenty-one. I wasn’t yet doing what I do now, both my brother and I were still contracting as builders at the time. We had worked on a new small apartment complex, and I was there to finalize some fixes that were needed. Brittany was just starting her career and was there with an older colleague showing the apartments to buyers.

From the moment I saw her, I was mesmerized. She had long raven colored hair, piercing grey eyes, with a body that looked spectacular even though hidden under her business attire. When she saw me, she stopped and smiled. I swore she was checking me out. I’m the same height as my brother at 6’1, I’ve always been athletic and strong, with sandy blonde hair and blue eyes. While I never had too much trouble getting girls during high school or after, up until this point I’d never had a serious relationship, well, nothing that had lasted more than a few months.

I plucked up the courage to speak with her when she was done showing people through and was surprised when she freely offered me her number before leaving. We began dating that weekend and a year later and we were married, a year after that we had our first child Brianna. While having a first child was daunting, the fact that my brother already had four kids by then and was able to give me some great advice helped no end. His Wife Denise was also fantastic for Brittany, she’d become like an older Sister for her. That helped a lot as Brittany is an only child, raised by her grandparents who had now already retired to Corpus Christi.

My older brother Kevin and I now run a business called KWP Construction, for Kevin and William Patterson of course. We do mainly small to medium sized projects, but we usually have two or three development projects running at the same time. We’ve done well for ourselves, I’ve even been to build my own four bedroom home, but I have my brother to thank for that. He was the driving force for us starting our own business, but we have both contributed equally ever since.

Two years years after Brianna was born, Brittany and I had our second child, a beautiful baby boy named Thomas. After his birth, I noticed that Brittany didn’t really bounce back like she had after Brianna. Instead, she was quick to anger, had huge mood swings, bouts of crying, all mixed in with not wanting any physical intimacy at all with me. After about six weeks I convinced her to go see a specialist, and she was diagnosed with PPD, or postpartum depression.

While it helped to know what she was going through, I’ll admit it was tough. Being rejected repeatedly by your Wife who you Love more than anything was hard to take, even knowing what the cause was. They told us it could last up to six to nine months after birth for more serious cases, but that eventually she would be fine, and our life would return to normal. By the time we were at six-month mark, our marriage was already in serious trouble. We hadn’t had Sex in all that time, adding to the two months prior to Brittany giving birth. And everything was my fault she would tell me, although I kept telling myself it’s just the PPD talking.

She had managed to go back to work, as well as going back to the gym again to help work her stress and anxiety out. The specialists assured us we were near the end. But by now, there was a total disconnect between us, she had already moved into the spare room a few months ago, not wanting to share a bed with me which again was put down to her PPD. We barely talked, when we did it was always only about the kids, who had to do what. It was like I was living with a housemate, not my Wife.

I’d never felt more alone in all my life, and I knew Brittany had to be feeling the same way too. So, over the next three months I tried my best to rekindle some affection between us, I was patient at first but pushed a little harder when I got little response from her. By the end of those three months, I had all but given up. I was sure there was no saving us now as all of my attempts went unrewarded. There was still nothing, no intimacy, no affection, no loving embraces, no physical touching, no Sex.

There was no blaming or hostility from Brittany towards me any longer at least, but we still struggled to have any conversation that didn’t only involve the kids. I tried to take her out on ‘date’ nights, or to the movies or to go away for a weekend, but she rejected those ideas each time. To me it felt like we’d fallen out of Love with each other by this point. I’m sure I was going through my own form of depression, for the demise of my loving marriage, replaced with what now seemed like a child raising partnership only.

Getting divorced wasn’t an option, I wanted to raise my children and not be a part-time father. I was also still holding out hope that some day Brittany and I would somehow rediscover what we’d lost. At that point it felt very unlikely though.

So, I sought some intimacy elsewhere. I’m not proud of it, but after almost a year of not having any Sex whatsoever, it was something I needed. Just to feel wanted again, to be sexually attractive to someone. Her name was Clara, she was a barmaid at one of the bar’s that I go to with some of the contractors we employed. We only slept together a handful of times, but that was enough for me to get some of my self-esteem back.

With Thomas having already turned one, I tried again to seek some affection from Brittany, and while she now at least feigned some interest in us having a relationship again, it felt superficial, like we were both trying to force something that simply wasn’t there. Brittany by now had well and truly fully recovered from her PPD, she also now expressed her sorrow for the state we found our marriage in. While it may not have seemed like it, she was adamant that she still loves me. I’m just not sure she was ‘in Love‘ with me still, there is a difference.

Shortly after I began seeing a thirty-year-old woman named Suzanna, she had previously been one of my client’s. Suzanna is married to a rich businessman who was a good twenty years older than her, I’m sure I seemed like a younger and more attractive alternative to her rather boring Sex life.

The relationship was mutually beneficial for both of us and lasted a year before we finally ended it as her husband was getting a bit too suspicious of her activities. He wasn’t the only husband getting suspicious of his Wife, I was too. I refused to believe that Brittany could’ve gone around two years without getting some type of intimacy herself, from somewhere.

Over the last year, she had started to come home late from work on occasion or go out with friends that never seemed to spend any time at our house. She would dress up a little too much sometimes when heading out to meet a client or with friends, I was sure that I wasn’t the only one seeking some affection outside of our marriage. But what was I to do? If I raised it with her or accused her of cheating, I’d be the biggest hypocrite ever. I didn’t know if she was aware of my own dalliances, but there was no way I was going to accuse her while I was doing the exact same thing.

Then I spotted her in a café one day while I was visiting a client in downtown Dallas, she was sitting with a guy who appeared to be around the same age as us, late twenties or early thirties. He looked handsome, he dressed well and appeared to be able to make Brittany smile and laugh as they drank their coffees. My first thought was that he was probably a client that she was trying to sell a property to. But I saw her hand reach out and take hold of his as they sat there, fingers interlocked. This wasn’t her client, this was most definitely her lover.

I didn’t rush over to interrupt them, I didn’t do anything but walk off to go to my meeting I was almost running late for. I was completely distracted throughout the meeting with my client though, it’s one thing to think that your Wife is seeing someone else, it’s another to visualize that. To see them together, not sexually but showing affection was replaying in my mind.

After my meeting I walked back past the café, they were no longer there. Brittany’s real estate office wasn’t that far away, so I drove there and pulled over next to their staff car-park. Brittany’s car wasn’t there either, I could only assume she was with him right now.

Later that afternoon I picked Brianna and Thomas up from daycare, Brittany and I alternate weeks that we either drop them off or pick them up. Both our jobs are flexible, so it makes it easier. Come to think of it, our flexible jobs makes it easier to do a lot of things, like meeting your lover in the middle of the day. And now it seemed that was likely to be the case for the both of us.

I watched Brittany when she came home that afternoon, for any tell-tale signs of her having spent the afternoon fucking. She seemed to be her usual self though, even stopping in the kitchen to ask me about my day, before going to check in on the kids. Maybe this had become as routine for her as it had for me.

Over the next twelve months, we seemed to travel along the same trajectory. I’d just turned thirty and I’d been seeing another woman named Sara, she works for an insurance company that I deal with for some of our jobs. She too was married, it works better that way as there are no ulterior motives at play other than the sexual one. We both kept our relationship very discreet, but she’d decided to end it as she was planning on having another child with her husband.

So, today was my last dalliance with Sara, but it went a bit longer than I anticipated. That meant I missed a meeting with Kevin and our clients in West Dallas. After spending a few hours at our job site in Irving, I headed downtown to meet one our other clients for a quick beer.

While waiting for him to arrive I saw my Wife heading into a bar across the road, she was arm in arm with another guy, different to the one I’d seen her with a year before. They seemed happy and looked like a real couple out for an enjoyable evening. I couldn’t stay around later to see what type of evening they had planned as it was my turn to pick up the kids.

Brittany didn’t get home until almost midnight, she’d texted me earlier in the day to say she was going out for drinks, but nothing since then. It was clear she’d had a few drinks and maybe a little bit of fun as well, her hair was a little more tousled than usual for her. This time she didn’t come and check to see how my day was, instead making her way to the bathroom before retiring to her bedroom to sleep.

I sat there at the kitchen table quietly drinking my Scotch, wondering if this was to be my life until our two kids left for college or work? For me to find different married women to occasionally fuck, meanwhile watching my Wife go out to do likewise? It didn’t matter if I was with Clara or Suzanna or Sara, I still felt alone. I missed the kind of Love I used to share with my Wife. I knew if not for the children, I’d be out looking for that once again.

On Saturday we all went over to my brother’s house for lunch, taking Brianna and Thomas over to see their cousins. My brother and his Wife Denise have four kids, all are slightly older than ours. John and Derek are ten and eight years old respectively, with the twin girls of Jessica and Christine being both six. Brianna and the twins are very close with Brianna being just the year younger. Thomas at just three is still a bit too young to worry about who he should be friends with, for him everyone is his best friend while they have his attention.

While our wives and kids were inside the house, Kevin and I made our way to his work shed, which doubles up as a man cave. From where we were sitting, we could look out over the back yard to the house. He handed me a cold beer before opening his own and sitting down beside me.

“Bill, can I ask what is going on with you and Brittany?”

“What do you want to know?”

“Why the hell are you seeing other women, taking up work time to go and fuck them? I know this has been going on for some time, it’s got to the point where I can’t ignore it anymore. It’s impacting your work, which means it’s impacting mine too.”

“Look, I’m sorry about Wednesday, it won’t happen again. That was the last time I was going to see the woman I’ve been with, we got carried away.”

“Bill, what the fuck? You’re married. Doesn’t Brittany and the kids mean anything to you?”

“Of course they do, that’s why we’re still together.”

“That makes no sense at all.”

“You know that Brittany suffered from postpartum depression after having Thomas, well this is kind of a flow on from that.”

“Thomas is three now, I’m pretty sure PPD doesn’t last that long.”

“It doesn’t. Brittany was better well before Thomas turned one, but it was too late for us by then.”

“Your marriage?”

“Our relationship within our marriage anyway. I haven’t had Sex with her since before Thomas was born. By the time she was over the depression, we weren’t in Love with each other anymore. She’s been sleeping in our spare room since Thomas was about three months old.”

“Fuck Bill, I didn’t know it was that bad. I just thought you were chasing a bit of tail on the side. Not that it’s the only tail you’re getting. What about Brittany, three years is a long time to not have any Sex.”

“I’m pretty sure she’s been getting her fix too. I’ve seen her out with two different guys so far.”

“What? So, you’re both having affairs? Have you talked to each other about all of this?”

“Nope. What am I going to say, ‘hey honey I’ve been fucking a few different women because you won’t put out for me, how about you? I know you must be fucking a few guys as well?’ Nah, I’d rather not know.”

“Do you think she’s seeing anyone at the moment?”

“Yeah, she went out for drinks with a guy on Wednesday afternoon, she didn’t get home until midnight. I don’t think they were just drinking and dancing.”

“You said you haven’t spoken to her about it, so how do you know about her date?”

“I stopped in for a beer to speak with Gary Johnson about the upcoming job, while I was waiting for him, I saw Brittany head into the bar across the road with a guy, they were arm in arm with each other. They didn’t look like just friends, more like fuck buddies.”

“How do you know he’s just a fuck buddy? What if she wants to be in a relationship with the guy?”

“She hasn’t so far.”

“Maybe she hasn’t met the right guy yet is all. Do you realize how fucked you are if she does?”

“Why, because she might ask for a divorce? She knows how much I Love my kids, I don’t think she’d do that.”

“How do you know? You haven’t spoken to her about it. Look, if by chance she’s out looking for husband number two, have you thought about the flow on affects from that? She’d get to stay in your house with him, with your kids, with your child support, with half of your share of our business. You’d have to get another place to live while watching her new man walk straight into your home. Seriously, you haven’t thought about that?”

“I have, I don’t think she’d do that to me.”

“So, you’re placing everything in her hands then? She gets to decide your fate while you watch her going out looking for your replacement?”

“I think she’s doing the same as me, she’s just finding a bit of comfort, nothing more.”

“You hope that’s the case.”

“What else am I supposed to do Kevin? If I found someone else I want to be with, it’s the same scenario as well. She still gets the house, the kids, half of my share of the business, and my child support. No matter what I do, she gets to decide my fate, not me.”

“You could talk to her, find out where her head is at with all of this.”

“I’m worried I’ll just force the issue if she’s looking to be with someone else. That if it’s out in the open, she might do it a lot quicker.”

“Is all of this worth it? If you get divorced, you can still see your kids sometimes. I know it’ll set you back a fortune, but at least you can be with someone yourself, maybe get a little bit of happiness back.”

“I don’t want to be a part-time dad, watching some other guy raise my kids in the house I built. Besides, I’m still hopeful we can save our marriage, somehow.”

“So, you still Love her then?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Fuck Bill, it’s not a good place to be in for you, I don’t know what else to say.”

“I’m not sure there is anything more to say. I’m just hoping for the best at this point.”

We finished our beer then headed inside. Later that afternoon when we got home, Brittany came into the lounge room to speak with me.

“Hey Billy, I’m thinking of meeting up with a friend to go watch a movie. Do you mind looking after the kids tonight, I won’t be home too late, I promise?”

“What, like last Wednesday?”

“Yeah, we got carried away that night. I’ll be home around ten I swear.”

“Sure.” I responded while trying to hide my displeasure.

“Thanks, Billy. I appreciate it.” As Brittany made her way upstairs to get ready.

For the next three hours I sat in the lounge room with a scotch, thinking about what Kevin had said to me earlier. What if she is looking for guy to be in a relationship with? I never thought I’d be happier to think that my Wife was just fucking some other guy for the enjoyment, rather than for her to have feelings for him. How did I get to this place?

On Sunday we went to a park nearby for a picnic lunch with the kids. While they played on the swings, I sat with Brittany, watching her as she looked over at our children. She was still so beautiful to me, I always found everything about her to be attractive. From the way she smiled and laughed, to the way she danced, to the way her large breasts jiggle when she walks. Yeah, I wish that we were in Love with each other still, that she really was still mine.

“Tommy, be careful. Hold on to the swing properly.” Brittany spoke out loudly to our son.

“He’s going to be a handful as he gets older. I can tell by the way he takes risks with a smile on his face.”

“Yeah, he’s a bit too much like you Billy.”

“I don’t know, I think his mom likes to take risks too.”

“Who me?” As Brittany turned to face me with that wonderful smile of hers.

I smiled back at her, as I heard a small scream from the swings, to see Tommy half hanging off, about to fall. I quickly ran over and grabbed him, setting him upright back in the small swing.