Short story intended to be light and hopefully fun to read. Includes farts, queefs, face sitting and some mild femdom, but all in fun with no humiliation. If this isn’t your thing, I invite you to hit the back button and move on down the line to another topic. Enjoy.

***

“Don’t worry about it,” I told Liz as she apologized for making us leave the party early. She was in pain and understandably embarrassed to admit her malady to our hosts. I didn’t mind taking one for the team.

We’d gone to a party at a friend’s house and Liz caught me alone and said she was developing a little issue. I believed her; her physical pain was obvious, barely able to fully stand up. I approached the host and feigned an illness of my own to preserve my wife’s dignity. I even publicly offered to let Liz stay as late as she wanted and I’d come back to get her, but she followed my lead and insisted on accompanying me home; good teamwork. On the drive home I noticed her normally tight abs protruding out almost as if she was a few months pregnant.

“Is it that bad?” I asked as I reached over to gently set my hand on her belly.

“Don’t touch me,” she replied as she moved my hand back on the stick shift, “I feel like there’s a hot air balloon up there.”

I gingerly helped Liz into the bedroom, shut off the light and closed the door, letting her have some space. Her text arrived 20 minutes later.

So sorry to make us leave early; thank you for protecting my honor. You’re my hero. Get into bed gently and please no cuddling tonight. I’m so bloated my ass will detonate at the slightest movement and probably blast you through the wall.

She even added hearts and fart blast emojis.

The room was dark and quiet with a polite night light on for me. I slipped into bed as quietly and softly as I could.

“I’m awake, but thank you.”

“Did you sit on the toilet?”

“I tried but it’s just gas. Is there a game on or something? You might want to wait me out. I just need to lie here and fart myself to sleep. I hate to kick you out but you should sleep on the couch tonight.”

I felt bad and wanted to do something to help her. If she’d been farting I couldn’t tell and told her that, hoping it would make her feel better.

“I know you’ve cleaned up your diet, so what did it? I don’t think you ate any junk food tonight.”

“That fuckin’ broccoli. My system can’t handle raw broccoli. It was spiced so good though.”

“Broccoli? Aren’t you allergic? Why would you even have any?”

“I’m not allergic; just that my body has a hard time digesting it. It’s not usually this bad.”

My wife is 28 and a gorgeous 5’9″ and played volleyball in college, never losing her athletic figure. She usually sleeps in comfy flannel pajamas but was nude tonight. I couldn’t resist and ran my fingertips up her thigh and across her hip as she lie fetal, facing away from me.

“Sort of risky, isn’t it? No pajama bottoms?”

“Oh my god, it’s just gas. There’s zero risk I’ll shit the bed. Don’t be gross!” She groaned. “Risky for you being in the impact zone. You’ve been warned. Lie here at your own risk.”

“We’ve been married 6 years. I’ve seen you at your worst; let ‘er rip. You’re not gonna scare me off.”

BBBRRRRRTTTTT!

She blasted a huge zipper before I could finish my sentence and sighed, “god that felt good.”

“You poor thing. Is there anything I can do to help?” My hand started kneading her ass cheeks.

“Are you serious right now!? You know it isn’t in my ass, right? I have a balloon the size of a volleyball in my gut and you’re turned on? It feels good but that’s not gonna bring it out.”

“It’s not funny!” She responded to my laugh.

I moved my hand around her waist and gently feather-touched my fingertips across her still bloated belly. “Are you smuggling a basketball?” I teased.

“Keep doing that. That actually feels good.”

I could feel the ripples and gurgles of her inner works as she released another series of airy reverse vacuum blasts as if her asshole was an open pipe. At least that allowed her to move around a little easier. It provided enough relief to roll over on all fours rocking her naked body back and forth, expelling snappy little farts each time she rocked back toward her heels. An attractive woman can’t dangle her boobs and expect a guy to just sit there, so I slid underneath and tongue punched her nipples.

“Seriously? Now? Get out of there. There is nothing sexy about any of this.”

“I beg to differ. You’re at all times sexy when you’re naked.”

I shifted around and massaged her ass to her disapproving groans. My fingertips detected a distinct wetness on her front. She loves having her boobs fondled and sucked; maybe that was enough and I exploited it.

“Maybe this will help. A little pressure on the inside of your belly might force some of the gas out.” I did my best to sound convincing as I mounted her from behind and pushed myself into her folds.

“You’re a sick, sick man. How are you turned on right now?” I couldn’t stop laughing as she farted little snaps each time I thrust forward.

“I’m fucking the farts out of you,” I could barely keep a straight face with my thumb on her brown star feeling the vibration each time she released, squelching the noise like a damper on a trumpet.

“You know what? Do what you want but I’m not gonna hold back.”

“I’m just trying to relieve your pain! This is all for you. I take no pleasure in what I’m doing right now,” keeping up my facetious commentary.

“I think I’ve done all I can in that position,” Liz said, rolling over onto her back.

Liz is highly flexible and pulled her knees back against her belly.

“Let me help,” I added, still pointing perpendicular from my body. I put my hands against the bottoms of her feet and slowly pushed back until her knees were up against the outside of her tits. Her brown star was fully in view now. I watched it pucker in, expand out and open up, releasing whooshes of butt-air, her sphincter flapping open and shut like a balloon. Her abs were flexing so hard her already swollen pussy lips were flexing and flapping in the wind too, expelling the air I’d forced in.

“Let me help; again, this is all for you,” I said, finally bringing a chuckle from her at the absurdity of how I refused to break character. A blast of air vibrated from her pussy around my cock as I pushed into her again. “Oh shit, it’s coming out of everywhere!”

Liz abruptly stopped and wiggled out from under me. “I’m okay now, I think it’s all out,” she said kneeling back on her heels, rubbing her again flattened belly. “You fucked it all out of me,” she repeated my words back with a giggle.

I took the bait and rolled over onto my back on my side of the bed. “Happy to be of service,” I said with a low, sarcastic tone, wagging my still-hard cock back and forth in blue-balled frustration.

Now that I’d let my guard down, Liz pounced on top of me, reverse cowgirl atop my face with her back against the headboard. My arms were trapped beneath her shins and she lowered herself onto my face. I tried to protest but her pussy smothered the words back into my mouth.

“Cannot…breathe…” I managed to get out as she rose just enough to let me gasp.

“Listen asshole. YOU asshole, not my asshole,” she said with a playful lilt in her voice. “You just couldn’t leave me alone, could you?”

Liz pulled her muscular cheeks apart so her brown star was pressed on my nose underneath her full weight as she smothered me. I could feel it flexing.

“Oh god, please no…” I muffled, feeling the vibrations under my nose. Her gas wasn’t strong enough to permeate the room but different when it’s mainlined up your nose. Her pubis pressed against my chin, forcing my mouth open as she rocked forward. I was thankfully able to breathe in some relatively fresh air through my nose again as an extended zipper forced itself into my mouth, making a hollow echo effect in my inner cheeks. Liz’s ass cheeks jiggled on my face, making her laugh at the sound effect it created. I’d have laughed too if I wasn’t gasping for dear life. Two can play this game and I jammed my tongue into her sphincter feeling the airy vibration forcing another into my mouth. That was a mistake. I was coughing and gagging now, thrashing my head side to side as best I could.

Liz finally relented. “You learn your lesson?” She rocked back so her weight was back on my forehead. I hyperventilated now that my mouth was tasting open air again. Liz took advantage of my weakened state to flip around and lower herself on my face again, this time with her hands on the headboard and she was able to look down between her tits at me.

“How about a queef this time?” Liz spread her lips and rocked back and forth allowing my nose to stimulate her clit. Her fingers dug into her lips and she flexed her abs, gyrating again as her lips noisily flapped against my upper lip. At least those whooshes of air weren’t as foul.

“Okay, I think I’m done now.”

I couldn’t tell if Liz was referring to her gaseous attack or her domination, but we both finally recovered; me from the trauma and her now that she was feeling better.

“I guess the least I can do is finish you off. You did, after all, protect my honor in front of our friends.”

With that, Liz slid down my body and inserted my rod into her, rocking us both to completion before rolling over with her back to me in her normal sleep posture.

“Broccoli, you said? I need to get that recipe.”

“God, you’re sick…” punctuating her words with a sharp donkey kick back into my shins.