Chapter 15: A typical friend

Why could I say such things so casually? I was just rambling, did I even say it out loud? “I promise.” He just said it. It was initially just a dumb wondered of me and he had every right to doubt my mental functionality right now, but he really took me serious. I relaxed my grip and felt how I slit down a little. That was when I noticed that he was carrying me. How could I not have noticed this and how long was he already doing this? It somehow felt nice but I was probably too heavy for him.

I let go off him and placed my feet back on the ground. He still held me and I laid my head on his chest. Listening to his heartbeat, I tried to forgot what happened at home. Home? This place wasn’t a home anymore. It was the same house but there was no feeling of home anymore. The only feeling of home I got was right here. In Matt’s arms. No matter how anxious I was, he at all times made me feel safe.

“Thanks for protecting me.” I was quieter than I wondered and I was still sobbing too. It was pretty obvious that he didn’t figure out my words. He leaned down to me to hear me better and I repeated myself. Our heads were really close to each other but this didn’t even feel weird anymore. At the start this was all exiting and I didn’t know what to think about it, but now I knew that he understood how I felt. He wouldn’t take benefit of it and we kissed each other on the cheek so often now that this time almost felt typical.

I almost laughed. “Good, to see you smile again but what’s so funny?” Of course Matt had to notice this. “It’s just… this almost feels normal. I’m always crying and I stopped counting how often we kissed each other. I don’t now what is going on inside me but it’s really chaotic.” This was the truth. I was an emotional wreck. The situation with Matt alone would be enough to make mei go crazy but now there was even more. I loved him, that was the one thing I was sure about.

“I understand. Don’t worry what will happen between us. You already have enough trouble and I’ll be with you no matter what.” He really knew what I wondered about. I had calmed down a little and placed my head in his chest again. I felt his hand wander onto the back of my head, where he started to stroke me. It felt nice. I even got goosebumps because of this. I closed my eyes and enjoyed his touch. At some point I yawned and my best friend looked down at me. “Wanna go upstairs? It’s already getting dark outside.” I nodded and went to grab my bag. I had packed some stuff because I knew that I would stay the night.

We had the same routine as the night before. We brushed our teeth together and then stood in front of the mirror for a moment. We really looked like a couple. Neither of us had changed and when we looked at each other. “I can go to the bathroom if you want.” I was happy that Matt took the lead. Handling these situations wasn’t my strength but this didn’t mean I had no comment on this topic: “I don’t mind. We can turn around and I trust you. I would probably not even care if you looked.”

He almost instantly turned red. I had just been honest but maybe a little bit too much. Luckily, he caught himself pretty quickly. “Well, then I’m gonna turn around now.” He already had grabbed his Pajamas and now turned his back to me. Before I even noticed what he was doing, he took of his shirt and pants. I had seen him in his boxers before but I felt myself blushing. He was very fast at changing his clothes and I had no time to imagine other things. When he looked at me he noticed that I was still a little red and grinned. “You liked it?” Now I was fully red. “I didn’t… well I did look but…” I couldn’t tell him that I didn’t  look away because I liked watching him change right? I had to distract him with something… “Either way, I need to change too.” This was perfect. If I did the same as him, he would maybe also look and then we were even.

I turned around and lifted my shirt over my head. I couldn’t see his reaction but I doubted that he has turned around. It felt like I was winning until I remembered that I needed to change my underwear. My bra was no issue because he could only see my back but my panties were a different thing. It would maybe even okay but this was a pretty drastic jumb in our relationship. Before I could think further about it, I heard him turning around. I was somehow relieved. I hurried with changing my bottoms and put on a fresh pair of shorts and then took of my bra. I’ve taken a tank top with me but this didn’t feel right. I noticed Matt’s shirt laying on the ground. Without thinking twice I slipped into it and gave Matt a sign that he could look again.

He didn’t seem very surprised by the fact that I was wearing his shirt and walked over to his bed. I followed him. We laid down on his mattress and I put my head on his chest. He laid an arm around me and I closed my eyes for a moment. This almost felt typical. I asked him: “Does it felt this normal to you too? I mean it’s still amazing but less exciting.” He wondered for a moment. “You’re right, but I like it this way and we had enough excitement the last days.” He couldn’t be more correct. I remembered why I was here. I almost felt bad, because he could distract me from this so easily.

A new wondered formed in my mind. I didn’t like it. I hated it but it could be true. I remembered his words from last night, when I told him my worries. He said, I could at all times speak to him, no matter what and that’s what I did: “Matt? Why are you doing this all for me? Is it just a distraction because of my parents?” After the words left my mouth I noticed how I sounded. Hopefully he didn’t wondered I just wanted compliments.

“I do it because I love you. You get extra attention because of your situation but this doesn’t mean I wouldn’t do these think if you were in a different situation. After all, I also like to cuddle you and you look somewhat cute in my things, so I will always give you shirts and hoodies. Maybe just don’t wear them at school or they will think of us as a couple even more. We first need to know what we are for ourselves before letting others make up their own stories.” He just said it… “You… don’t know what we are either?” To my surprise he quickly understood. “Well… you never wanted to do things that cross the border to relationship?”

NSFW: yes