I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about 2 years. He appeared to be fairly open and sex positive before we started dating, and we had frank conversations about sex, masturbation, and other topics. After about seven months, we moved in together, and I soon learned that the fact that I masturbate makes him feel very insecure. He initially claimed he simply didn’t like the fact that I was watching porn. I gave up watching porn and started using my imagination instead. But as time went on, it became clear that he simply dislikes the idea of me masturbating because he would become upset whenever he learned of it, regardless of what I had or hadn’t looked at.

There is just no getting past him now that I’ve been caught so many times. He at all times finds out even though I never masturbate in his presence. He has looked over my search history and checks to see if anything has been moved, like lube or toys. He now keeps our vibrator locked away in a safe until we use it together.

This obviously makes me mad. I was raised in a home that was very sex negative and shamed a lot of people for having sex. I’ve also experienced sexual trauma for which I’ve endured shame. It’s hard enough as it is because I generally feel disgust and embarrassment around sex and masturbation. I am a grown woman. I believe that it shouldn’t be necessary for me to constantly open incognito tabs, clear my history, and put everything exactly where it belongs in order to avoid being caught doing something that we both know is acceptable. It makes me feel ashamed of myself, like he will think less of me, and guilty for trying to sneak it past him, but it also makes me angry that I have to experience any of those feelings.

Advice would be greatly appreciated! How can I talk to him about this??

I would really appreciate some advice! How can I discuss this with him?

NSFW: yes