I had sex on a futon and made an awful joke afterwards.


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So this was a few years ago, after I had gotten out of my first serious relationship and probably on a good 10 month dry spell before meeting this girl off tinder. Let’s call her… Audrey. She was a very tall woman, 6’0, 6’1 something like that. Built and very gorgeous. I would best describe her as a Amazonian jungle woman, but my friends still refer to her as “The Viking Bitch”. Audrey had very round and perfectly shaped breasts, hips like crazy, and an ass perfect for back shots. It was our first time meeting.

I invited her over for dinner and went to pick her up. Immediately I was struck by her appearance, she was obviously a bit taller in person but that didn’t bother me much. She wore jeans and a tank top (nothing special) but looked so damn fine. We flirted at dinner and it was looking like I was getting laid that night. At the time I was staying between places and ended up on my buddy’s futon (attractive I know) but that didn’t seem to bother her one bit as she immediately started to rip my clothes off when we got into the living room. I noticed as I stripped off her underwear that she shaved her pussy and was wearing laced lingerie. I didn’t take too much time to admire them as I laid her on her back, spreading her legs very quickly. I rubbed the outside of her pussy and clit, nervous I was gonna mess up because it had been so long. She became wet very quickly and I placed the tip of my cock on the inside of her thigh. She was pulsating and begging me to fuck her at this point. She removed her shirt and threw it on the ground, unclipped her bra and demanded that I suck her nipples. I leaned in and started to suck on her breast. Simultaneously, I inserted the tip with ease and slid all the way in. Audrey was very excited to keep going and held up her legs for me to continue. I started off slow but began pounding into her, shaking her breasts into a circular motion, clapping into each other as I gripped on her nipple for dear life. I pulled back my head and tried to focus on not cumming.

It had been close to 5 minutes of rhythmic fucking and I could feel the pressure building in my cock. I felt horrible as she wasn’t anywhere close to an orgasm and I just couldn’t hold it any longer. I moaned aggressively as I plunged my cock deep inside her and felt the first round leave my body. I pulled out of her pussy and continued to ejaculate on the opening of her vagina and then her stomach. When I finally squeezed the last bit out of me, her entire crotch and lower abdomen were covered in semen. She was visibly disappointed and I was nervous about just blowing it. In an attempt to make a joke of the situation, I looked down at her and my cock, noticing there was multiple pistachio shells discarded on the seam of the cushion. I pointed at them and said “wow did that come out of you?” She was confused at first and wondered I was pointing at my cum soaking on her pussy. She said “did you really cum inside me?”. I was mortified but somehow wondered it would be better to point again at the pistachios and double down on my stupid joke. I said “well technically yes… But did you get my pun?”. She somehow actually wondered it was funny (or pretended it was) and we continued to see each other as FWB for nearly a year.

Let me know what you wondered because I have plenty more stories about Audrey.

NSFW: yes

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