I grew up in Tel Aviv ..and even tho I grew up learning about the war and hate crimes that were committed against my people… I still found israeli men and women very attractive compared to us.. I was ashamed of having that feeling but I never expressed it or acted on it …
Until I got a scholarship opportunity and ended up traveling to study in a foreign country that I prefer not to name .. but since my scholarship was obtained in Israel, I was sent to a city/school that was full of Jews and jew districts , because alot of Israeli students go there to finish there studies ..
And being a Palestinian there was just being a minority and it was obvious .
But I didn’t really care , I still went to school and tried to live a ordinary student life .. I didn’t really follow my religion properly… I ended up drinking during my first month in school and would go to bunch of parties were i would have fun and all but I wasn’t a girl that guys would look at really specially because of my origin and other girls were just better looking .. I applied to a sorority, and that’s kinda when it all went downhill ..
I was a naive girl , I was still a virgin and I was not very familiar with sororities .. and add on that the fact that I was Palestinian and a lot of the girls that lead that sorority were jews …
So when they found out that I was applying to join them , they kinda started hazing me and abusing me … and I was just fooled thinking it’s what happens to any girl that tries to join but no it wasn’t .. they just saw me as inferior and I found that out quickly but that’s how the majority of them saw me and they just wanted me to feel it and have it as a reputation, even tho I didn’t want it but I was dumb and naive and they got what they wanted ..
It’s starting by me just massaging them or doing their chores or cleaning up etc… to it being a bit more sexual and then asking for feet worship etc .. until one day after a party a girl just held me by my hair , and begin riding my face and grinding on my nose until she came … and others saw that and followed … they started doing stuff like that to me , and I wasn’t even into women so I would ask them not to or withstand but they didn’t care they just saw me as inferior and wanted me to accept it … until one day I tried to withstand by pushing a girl away and she fell , and they got pissed at me . And they threatened to kick me out and expose me if I don’t take my punishment..
And even tho the experience wasn’t amazing and it was very degrading , I didn’t wanna end up alone there and lose my chance of being part of something ( again I was naive ) I let them punish me , they tied me up , started hitting and spanking me with a plank … and decided that they want me to lose my virginity to a Jewish guy c I was against and I didn’t want It , but he was there , so attractive.. so out of it league and even tho I was telling them no, I got so wet from it … and when they saw how wet I was they just laughed and I ended up loosing my virginity to him… feeling betrayed by my body because I was saying no but my body reacted differently… and from that day on I realised i wasn’t really equal to them in that sorority… I was just there to feed there hatred , to pleasure them when needed or to serve them… to follow there orders and fo betray my origins and country . To be pathetic and ashamed of my actions…
But the worst thing about all that, is that even tho I hated being that girl and doing all the things that I did during the last 2 years… my body would all the time get wet and end up orgasming to things that were so degrading which they would end up laughing because I was orgasming while they were treating me like shit. I felt like my body betrayed me and I lost to them because of my body.. they just had full control of me because of it .
I would all the time Regret that orgasm and hate myself for it cause I just let a racist win…
But my reputation would just get worse and worse until I wasn’t respected even and I lost the battle to racism, that even myself I gave up and let those things happen and got used to it and pleasure myself to it
I just feel so week whenever I am with one of them men or women.. I just feel inferior and dont withstand anymore