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NSFW: yes

Hey sex reddit people. I’m writing this up on a throwaway user account. I’m a long time lurker on reddit in general and basically never post, but the events I experienced today have me needing to vent somewhere, so feel free to get a chuckle at my expense.

**About Me**

I am a male in my early twenties. I don’t have experience being in romantic relationships with women. I’ve never had a girl friend and I haven’t had sex up until today. It’s a running joke in my family that I jerk off a lot.

**Context**

So to give a bit of context I have a drunk uncle who has been wanting to take me to a strip club for a long time now. I at all times told him that I didn’t want to go, mainly because I don’t really identify/associate with the vibe of those kinds of places. Now, he is absolutely obsessed with the strip club. He goes there and blows money always. Note that he has a wife and kids and his wife has I guess come to terms with the fact that he does it? I’m not sure. Basically homie lives for that shit. Anytime he comes to our house and gets drunk he starts pushing to take me to the strip club. I at all times made up excuses for why I didn’t want to go like saying that I’m gay or whatever. I even tried pretending that I adhered rigidly to the ideals of some ideology like Feminism/Christianity telling him that sex is sacred or that women aren’t sex objects or whatever else to get him off my back. It didn’t work. Anyways, today I finally caved and when to the strip club he frequents. Deep down I think I did want to get laid and lose my virginity.

**The Arrival**

When we got there I already didn’t like it. Second hand cigarettes’ smoke was in the air which I absolutely cannot stand, but I eventually got over it. Anyways we sat down and ordered a few drinks and watched some of the girls who were getting naked on the poles. Interestingly there was this amicable old man seated nearby who was having a good time by himself. He even offered me a roll of cash to go and throw to the strippers. I was reluctant to go and do it, but I eventually did it albeit rather awkwardly. He gave me a high five afterwards, what an amicable guy. All things considered he was probably the silver lining of this whole thing. I later learned he was a retired old fire fighter who frequented the place. I met some of the strippers. Given my vibe and my uncle’s meddling they treated me an inexperienced ‘baby’. Nevertheless, I tipped them in their sexual areas as they gestured for it. I touched some titties and felt some shaved pubic hair, yay?

**The Dance**

Eventually my uncle payed for a dance for me from one of the strippers. Next thing I know I’m in one of the private secluded areas and I’m getting a lap dance from a nice looking stripper. She had small tits but they didn’t look bad and a nice plump ass. Now again I’m pretty inexperienced with women so suffice to say I was nervous. I tried to relax and have fun, but I maintained a deadpan face through the whole thing. I tried to begin up something of a conversation while she was shaking her ass and crotch on my dick and maintaining a forced smile and calling me ‘baby’. Through some questioning I learned she was an immigrant who recently came to the US a few months ago and was 2 years younger than me. Anyways I was pretty hard at this point and she was touching my dick from time to time. Eventually it came to an end and I still had a boner and was embarrassed to walk out. She suggested to ‘finish the job’ (sex). For $400 of course. Some deliberation later and I was in a ‘vip’ room getting ready to lose my virginity.

**The Penetration**

So now we’re in the ‘vip’ room and she’s getting naked. She had a pretty cameltoe pussy, which is my type. I’m still pretty deadpan and awkward and not really taking in what was about to happen. A few seconds in she clarified ‘we’re gonna fuck’ and put a condom on my dick. She was probably smugly thinking to herself it was gonna be an easy job and that I was gonna cum easily with some penetration. A little dick caressing later and she’s getting ready to have me penetrate her. I think I was excited. I was finally gonna feel what the inside of a pussy felt like. So my dick goes into her vagina and she starts bouncing up and down on my rod. I wondered I was gonna have that electric rush of pleasure into my dick and have it create up into a wonderful climax. It didn’t happen. She kept riding me but I was not getting closer to orgasming.

**The Handjob**

The condom was definitely fucking me over. I couldn’t feel much. Anyways, some talking later and she takes it off, spits on my dick and starts jerking me off while giving me that forced smile. This felt better. This was it I wondered, I’m gonna cum now. Except I didn’t.

**Doggy Style**

So we try doggy style now. I fuck her from behind as hard as I can like I saw in porn because of course I did. My dick slips out a few times. She gives me the occasional reaction/grimace. I’m not sure if she was feeling it or if I was causing her pain. I did try asking if she was comfortable or not. Either way, I’m not cumming anytime soon. At least I got something of a full body workout I guess.

**Missionary**

We try missionary but I wasn’t really able to do it well because the couch we were fucking on was sort of low. She looked hotter in this position but it was still going nowhere.

**Salvaging**

It was pretty clear up to this point that I wasn’t gonna cum. We were like halfway through the 30 min session and I wanted to get my $400 worth in some form. I wanted to try pleasuring her, maybe giving her head or jerking her off. She wasn’t about it. She’s like hands are dirty so I say I’ll put hand sanitizer on and she was like no my vagina will ache after. So well shit. I wanted to at least practice sex to get better but it didn’t seem efficient with this chick. She tries to suggest she shows me her vagina and I jerk myself off to finish, but I knew that wasn’t gonna work. I tried asking for feedback, like if I fucked or wrong or if my dick wasn’t the right size to get some useful information but she couldn’t even do that. Anyways I take the condom off and it’s pretty wet from being in the inside of her vagina. My pants are also stained with something white. Her vaginal fluids I guess? Anyways we basically end it there and I haven’t cum.

**The Vent**

I laughed off the whole thing with my uncle but later I felt pretty dissatisfied and disgruntled with the experience with this chick. To be fair she was definitely not doing what she was doing there because she wanted to and I got her to let it slip during our conversation. By the way, this is in Miami and the entire conversation was in Spanish. Anyways whatever, I came to reddit to rant about the whole thing. So I hope this amuses you folks.

**Edit 6/20: The blue balls are strong with me today. It hurts.**

**TLDR; My uncle pushed me to go to a strip club and I lost my virginity to a stripper but didn’t cum.**

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