dirty secret lovers… taking it to another level???

I’ve known this FWB [26M] since I [28F] was 17. We were first introduced through his older brother who was my close friend in highschool.

Long story, short…we went out on a couple of dates and then hooked up for the first time, years ago (circa late 2017). Since then we’ve been hooking up a few times every year usually in-between relationships, but we’ve also cheated with each other, in the past.

I know it’s not right but it damn sure feels right in the moment. When it comes to having sex with him, I get so weak and my integrity goes out the window. The sex with him is like a drug to me.

I’m pretty sure our mutual friends/connections know nothing about us hooking up and I would like to keep it this way. If I could live the rest of my life sexing him, occasionally, on the low-low. I would! It’s like we’re each other’s dirty little secret which makes the sex even hotter.

His length, girth, stamina (he can orgasm and remain erect at least twice in one session), his kinkiness and everything else when it comes to bumping uglies together is perfect for me. When we hookup, I make sure to wear sexy lingerie in his favorite color, we record the encounters and distribute them with each other to relive the moments during the downtimes when we aren’t screwing. However, we do typically sext each other, as well, during those downtimes.

We would most likely be having a lot more sex than just the few times a year if I wasn’t doing my best to control the situation by stalling him off, sometimes even downright ignoring him, for several months, at a time. However, whenever I lose my mind and tell him to come see me… He shows up and gives me a night or several nights that I won’t be forgetting anytime soon.

That’s not the worst of it.

We haven’t been routinely using any real forms of contraceptive. Condoms in the beginning and the pull out method, mostly. However recently, we’ve stopped using condoms all together and have also been toying around with a kind of breeding fetish(?). I’ll say things like “You’re going to get me pregnant” and he’ll respond “Yes, I know” or “So what?” He’ll also blurt out “Are you ready to give me a baby?” during sex.

I think it turns us both on. Then, the last time we had sex we didn’t even use the pull out method. He came inside of me, atleast twice…once where he had the opportunity to pull out but didn’t and once where I had the opportunity to get off but wouldn’t. Then after he left he sent me our videos and texted me, that if I wanted him to, he would come back later on to “put another baby in me.”

Try not to eat me up in the comments, bc I know this is wrong on many levels. In my rational mind, I figure out bringing an innocent baby into this will only increase the messiness of this already-hot mess and add further complication into both of our lives. Still, in the heat of those very hot moments when he’s using his 8in, God-given shovel to dig me out, I lose strength. I get stupid dumb crazy childish weak.

I’m not looking for validation, I just wanted to distribute this secret/vent it without worrying that it would be held over my head.

TLDR: I’ve been irresponsibly sexing my FWB for years, and may very well end up pregnant by him soon if I don’t grow tf up and cut him all the way off.

NSFW: yes

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