~~This is first time i am writing something, so feedback is appreciated. English is not my first language, but i have tried to keep grammatical errors to a minimum. Might be a little lame, because it’s a true story. ~~
I miss you. I want to feel you around me. Just your presence. Maybe a hand around my fingers or on my cheek, just lightly brushing. Your voice asking me to speak like you really mean it. Like you are hanging on to every word I say as you see my lips move. I don’t know what you are thinking, but I know what I want you to be thinking. I want to feel your thumb caressing just under my ears as I ramble on about senseless things. I want you to mean everything you say. So when I look at you, I don’t want to have any doubts. I want you for me, your insecurities, your fears, your highs and your lows. And as our lips meet, I want you to leave everything behind and focus on the now.
Place my hands where you want them to be, because I want to love you and hold you. Pull me closer and feel my thighs rub against yours, as I jerk my knee a little to feel your hardness. You know I am shy, so whisper in my ears how much you want me. Let your hand at the small of my back guide me to the bed as the serotonin rushes through both of us.
I don’t know if i am doing it right as i sit close to you and kiss you. I try to be the dominant one, i want this kiss as perfect as the one you had given me a few moments before, but you are having none of that. Somehow the control is still in your hands as they make way under my shirt, grappling with the hooks of my bra. And within seconds, the straps loosen, making me wonder how many times have you done this before. Your kisses now trail my collarbone as soft moans escape my lips. Am I overdoing it? Maybe i should just shut up, i don’t know if you like them.
I try to bite my lips as you lay on top of me, your leg between the two of mine. I look at you clueless, but so in the moment, I have stopped worrying if it’s love. You remove my top as I lay there, thinking if i should remove your shirt too? Would you think that i am eager to go all the way with you? Because my internal demons are fighting against each other about the moral right that my conservative upbringing has taught me. I open the two buttons of your shirt as I feel your heartbeat. I wonder if mine is beating equally fast under your lips as they nibble at my nipples. I wonder what you are thinking to yourself, because at this point of time I have surrendered myself to you and your hands and your mouth. All I can think of is about how good it feels, how safe it feels, with you. And i am thinking if you are enjoying it as much as I am. I wonder if i am star-fishing, i don’t want you to hate me, i want to be liked. By you. No, i want to be loved by you.
You move to my right breast as we go on wordlessly, me in my own trance like state, as you continue tugging at my nipples. I don’t know if they can get any harder as i feel your other hand caressing the left one. My moans had started again, although they had never halted completely.
You come up and again begin kissing my collarbones, tracing the line of moles that begins from above my shoulder bone and dips right between my two breasts. Are you thinking of them as breasts in your mind? Or are they boobs for you? Or are they nipples or whatever word you use in your mother tongue? Are you thinking of a crass word that my feminist self would hate, but the misogynist one craves? Or are you looking at me as a person, who you like and/or love?
This time i get on top of you and tell you that this is all for now as I move in for another kiss. We break aside as i hover around your lips looking at your dreamy eyes, they are exactly the kind i have all the time had a crush on. You reassure me that we will only do what i am comfortable with as you flip me again and kiss me around my neck . It’s too late in the night, i have classes in a couple hours, i tell that to you as i bite my lips and reach out to my discarded shirt. You get up to wear your shoes as i keep staring at you. Still semi-naked, but very vulnerable. You look at me and gasp.
There’s a red mark just above left my collarbone. And another complimentary hickey, below my right one. Shit. Nobody was supposed to know about us. I ask you to click a picture, because I cannot see it. No shirt of mine can hide it. I am angry at you and the words that leave my mouth express the same, but my lips betray me as I cannot help but smile. I am marked by you. You claimed me. Maybe you loved me too. You kiss me one last time as you leave, there is no tongue this time. I close the door behind you, not knowing that this was probably our only time together, thinking that you love me and wondering if you still have that picture hidden on your phone.