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Apologies for my absence – had some time off from college after finals for summer session I and was just relaxing with no motivation to write. So once again I’m now catching up.

Back from Mexico City and back to the grind a bit. Tuesday afternoon I went to Helen and Alex’s and watched the kids. I had to study anyway for my finals and so we did not do anything. I ignored them really but told them we would have fun later that week. They swam and everyone just chilled. I had my final Wednesday morning for my in person class and then I watched the kids again. That night I did my online final before midnight. And so I had not seen professor in a few days – he said he did not want to be a distraction – probably for the best. Thursday I watched the kids again and this time I took them to do something fun. I took them to the San Antonio Aquarium, an indoor interactive place. I also started my period – ugh – so that night I had a date with prof but I warned him I was out of commission. I just don’t like period sex. He said that was ok, I don’t think he cared much for the idea either. I doubt he ever had with his inexperience. So after dinner he said he had a plan and we went to one of the “card houses” that have popped up the last few years with Texas Hold ‘em games. Daddy had told him he taught me poker so I guess he wanted to do that together. They operate as private clubs and you pay a membership and hourly seat rental and that’s how they skate by gambling laws. Because nothing is taken off the table for the house, professor said they call that a “rake” in Vegas. I played $1/$2 blinds and he played $2/$5 blinds. I lost my $300 in a couple of hours. Bummer. But he won $1100 so that was good. I watched him for the last hour or so. Honestly I learned a lot. I’m still a novice player for sure and got lucky the first time probably. I think his calm cool demeanor helps him, just like daddy. I had a few drinks to go with my Mydol for the cramps. That probably did not help my play. But it made me relaxed and hungry for cum. So when we got to my apartment I unzipped him and sucked his cock in the parking lot. I needed my cum fix and happy juice anyway so I could sleep.

On Friday I watched the kids again and Lexi came over mid afternoon. She got back from Miami on Tuesday night and fucked Alex on Wednesday and Thursday. Of course he ass fucked her and she reminded me that was at all times an option on your period. I’ve only done anal for a few months so it never really occurred to me. I usually just don’t want sex at all at that time.She said Miami had been nice but not very much action. She did not go to the nude beach without me and stuck to South Beach. But she went out to the clubs one night and ran into the same slimy Cuban guy from Spring Break. She confirmed his name is Manny. So they fucked again, in fact she said she stayed the night and he fucked her repeatedly in all her holes. So she was happy. She said she walked in the next day with Nancy and Bruce at breakfast looking whored out. Still shoving it in Nancy’s face I guess. That’s my girl. Nancy tried to chastise her but Bruce cut her off saying she is an adult, and quit treating her like a child. She relented. A happy truce I guess.

Friday night since I was still bleeding profusely prof and I went on a simple date. He was so sweet knowing my comfort food and took me to Chick-fil-A. Or he now secretly likes it too and that was an excuse. Then we went and saw the new Elvis movie. I know who he is of course and some of his classic songs especially ones featured in some 80s movies. But I did not know much about him other than like Vegas era Elvis when he was fat and wore gaudy outfits. It was really cool to see the musical influences from early on in Memphis rhythm and blues and gospel. The actor who played him was awesome. I had no idea who Priscilla was. She was beautiful I googled her after and they glossed over it in the film but she was 14 when they met and he was 24. A 10 year age gap. Wow that must have been scandalous at the time. But who am I to judge?

He took me home after and I had a few glasses of wine at the movie so I was feeling good. He seemed like he was just dropping me at the door, I had given the impression I was out of service for a couple of days. But I sensed he was hard up and it was an opportunity to open another door, literally. I said “Wanna come in?” He said “No, I would just get more…. frustrated… with no outlet and as much as we’ve had sex lately…. It’s just hard.” I said “Oh… hard is it?” I reached out for his dick through his pants. As I stroked him he laughed and said “I thought you were still… you know.” I said “Yes….but I feel much better so…. up to you if you don’t mind a little blood…” He sort of looked hesitant. I said “Ah well then…. do you want to fuck my ass?” He looked a bit surprised. I said “No boundaries remember…but I wanna hear you say it.” He said “Come here you…. “ he kissed me and said “I’m just so used to rejection I hesitate to ask but…. can I fuck your ass?” I said “No… I said SAY it, don’t ask it. Tell me what you want and how bad you want it.” He said “Ok….I’m so horny, I want fuck your ass E.” I said “Much better. And talk dirty too ok.”

I pulled him inside and stripped myself as I went to the bedroom. I went in the bathroom quick and cut off the string short. As he was stripping I got some lube from my bedside table leaving it open with my vibes and buttplugs in view. I was gonna need lube I had not been ass fucked for a month. I lubed my hand up and used it to lather his cock. I said “How do you want me?” He said “Uhhh I don’t know how … like what works….” I said “Whatever you want. On my knees, or on my back legs pulled way back, on our sides, I can ride you…whatever.” He said “Mmm bent over sounds amazing.” I got on my knees on the bed spreading my ass to him. I used the excess lube to prep my asshole, showing him I was ready. He said “Oh my god, are you sure?” as he got behind me admiring the view. I said “Yes… fuck my ass with your cock!” He rubbed his cock head on my exposed asshole. I had not been ass fucked in a month at least and I was eagerly awaiting that feeling again. He pushed forward and it spread my ass until the head popped past the sphincter and I clenched down on him. He stopped and I said “Don’t wait…. Give it to me. Bury that cock in my ass.” He pushed forward slowly and I rocked back against him as his thick cock spread my ass wider until he was nearly buried in me. I gasped because I had not been split like that in a while. He paused, enabling me to catch my breath and adjust to it. Then he pulled back and as he pushed forward I pressed back again and he buried it. I cried out “Fuck yes.” He got the hint now and started fucking my ass. I was in ecstasy completely filled as his balls slapped my cunt on each stroke. I came in no time shuddering in orgasm and saying “I’m cumming…fuck yes I’m cumming.” He said “Oh my God” as he continued pounding me and thrusting me back and forth by the hips. I said “Now call me dirty names.” He said “Oh, eres un pajarito sucio…. Una puta sucia. ¡Dios mío, te estoy follando el culo!” He was buried in me and fucking me hard but I knew he would not last. I felt him tense and then pull out suddenly and he sprayed cum all over my exposed asshole and pussy. We both collapsed breathing hard and he said “Sorry… wasn’t sure where I was supposed to..” I said “That’s ok. Jesus that felt good.” He said “I had no idea. That was intense. Like such a different feeling.” I said “You like?” He said “Oh my god yes, but it’s just different. I never knew a woman would enjoy that… like that” I said “You mean orgasm from it?” He said “Yeah.” I said “Well, it’s different for me too. A different kind of orgasm. But yeah it works.” We laid there a while and then he said “I guess I should shower now.” I joined him and we both cleaned up and kissed after.

On Saturday night I was scheduled to kid sit for Helen and Alex. They had not had a night out alone in a couple of weeks since I was gone for the 4th and they did family stuff. She and I had talked during the week when I was nannying. She wanted to go back to the swingers club. In fact she had taken the initiative and paid for an annual membership because to her it made sense financially as it was paid for in just three visits and I guess she was planning to go multiple times. She said she doesn’t think of themselves as swingers and does not want to do that but watching and just meeting people was stimulating for them. She and Alex had talked about it. I was so happy they were open and talking about their sex life together now. They owned it together and she felt confident and that he was ok with her being in control anyway. I asked if she had talked to him about her primary interest and fantasy. She said no, but she wondered he was getting the idea by her obvious interest in black men. I encouraged her to be a little more forward about it as he has had time to digest their last visit and had not balked. It was not a theme night so they were able to get ready and go with the kids at home thinking it was just a date night for them.

They left to go to dinner first and I played games with the kids and J swam with his buddy. When I put the little kids down J wanted to watch another movie. We watched Palm Springs it’s on Hulu and I don’t have Hulu but he was telling me about it. Pretty funny it’s like Groundhog Day (a great 80s movie that I have seen of course) on steroids. After the movie he was just sitting around still. I said “Not going to bed yet?” He was about to turn 14 he doesn’t need a bedtime. He said “No. I just… like I’m worried about a lot of stuff and you said I could ask you stuff you know.” His mom had told me he was neurotic and nervous about a lot of stuff which is why he checks the cameras (and saw me naked). I said “Of course. Let’s talk. But I need wine.” I got a glass and said “You want a sip?” He took a little swig and was like “Yuck. I like beer. dad lets me have a drink sometimes.” I said “So get a beer… but only half and drink it slow.” Trying to be the cool big sister here. He got a beer and we sat back down.

I said “What’s this about? Hit me.” He said “I don’t know just like high school stuff and… like girls.” I said “Ok… girls and high school. Well it’s a big step. What’s your school like? All together 9-12 or is 9th separate?” He said “9th is on their own wing basically.” I said “Ok. So are there girls you are interested in? Or what?” He basically said there was a girl a year ahead of him and his friend kept pressuring him to make a move. They kind of hang out in some places together because she has a brother J’s age. And they were at a party a year ago and some guys dared her to kiss him. And she did. But then she went to HS and he went to Junior high and they did not see each other really all year. She seems cool to him but he is nervous. And last week he was determined to try but got confused and intimidated. He was at his buddies house and she came over with her brother and they all swam cuz his friend invited them over and his girlfriend was there. I said “Is she friends with the girlfriend?” He said “No, but he wants me to get a girlfriend you know.” I said “Ok well she came over knowing you were there. What were you intimidated about?” He fumbled for a while not knowing what to say except that “She changed a lot in the last year.” I said “Oh. She got curves, huh?” He was drinking the beer rapidly and I took it away saying “Slow down. So she wore a skimpy bikini or what?” He said yes. I said “Well she came over knowing you were there, and wore a skimpy bikini, sounds to me like she is sending signals. Did she ignore you?” He said “Yeah. That’s what confused me.” I said “That’s girl 101. Playing hard to get. You should make a move. Whatever that means for kids your age. Do you follow her on her social media pages?” He said “No.” I said “Well try that. And if she accepts or follows you back or whatever then try some simple chatting. Just talk about school, ask if she had your teachers you are going to have stuff like that.” He said “Should I tell her she is gorgeous or hot?” I said “No. Too forward. Something more subtle. Pick out a feature she has that is not a sexual part of her body and complinent it. What do you notice about her… besides her boobs or ass?” He laughed and said “That’s all I noticed…but before I used to notice her hair. It’s pretty and straight and all shiny. She smells good too when I kissed her that time.” I said “Ok well try to work it in casually. It tells her you are noticing her but not in a creepy way. But she will know what it means.” He said “Sounds complicated.” I said “Welcome to the world of women.” I said “Just be aware things could change at school again. With the grades separate. Sometimes older girls won’t want to be seen with a freshman. So play it cool at school. I mean your best bet is to make a move before school starts so you got like a month. Then just see how she reacts at school. Give her space there if she wants it. ”

He paused and said “And then what? Like I chat with her, I ask her out I guess if that goes well right. Then what? Besides kissing I would not know what to do…” I said “Ahhh. Worried about sex?” He said “Well no, not sex exactly but I don’t even know. Like there is so much about asking permission or whatever. I don’t know how to do that and like am I asking every step of the way.” I said “I think thats all a bit overblown. You will know if she is interested or not. Just take it slow. Usually two people kind of get to the same point together. Just watch for her signals. Body language, looking at you, touching you, body contact, etc. If you take your time it comes naturally. Don’t rush it or it will feel forced to her. And I don’t think you need to worry about asking if something is ok unless you are actually doing it the first time. And no rush there, you’re not even 14. You don’t need to be thinking about that for a while.” He said “Yeah my friend A is just talking all the time about stuff they do already. And how he thinks they will…uhh do it soon.” I said “No rush. In your own time don’t let him peer pressure you into doing something you aren’t ready for. Everyone has their own pace. And it depends on you and the girl. And don’t talk about what you do or don’t do with him honestly. It’s not his business and not a competition. When it’s right it happens naturally.” I hoped I was giving good advice. I was unprepared for this conversation really. But he seemed to just need some reassurance and I wondered it was sweet. I told him to show me a picture of her and he did. She was cute. I told him to go for it but take it slow. He went to bed soon after that.

I went to bed in the guest room. But before falling asleep I pinged professor. He was awake so I facetimed him. He was happy to see me. I said I was too and I was past all my period. He said he looked forward to seeing me again. He asked if I wanted to go for a hike tomorrow but I said I was not gonna get away early enough. So we planned for Sunday instead. While I was talking I secretly took off my panties and pulled my top up. Then I panned down with the camera showing him my tits and then my pussy. He said “Oh my…. Mmmm beautiful.” I started playing with my pussy and watched his reaction. He was obviously intrigued. I said “Pull your cock out professor let’s have some fun.” He laughed and said “I was just thinking about doing that.” He pulled it out apparently and I said “Show me.” He panned down and showed me his cock as he was stroking himself. I said “Mmm I can’t wait to taste you.” He said “Me too.” We kept going and I was getting into it more and more, first rubbing my pussy and then fingering my hole. I was dripping wet and gaping in no time. I said “Cum for me. I wanna see it.” He smiled and kept going. He was building to an orgasm as was I. I said “Talk dirty, call me a whore again.” He said “I can only do it in Spanish.” I said “Mmmmm hmmm.” He said “Puta cachonda, tienes unas tetas y un coño increíbles. ¡Quiero follarte tanto!” I said “Mmm profesor. Córrete para mí, quiero verlo.” He pumped himself harder and started cumming, that sent me over the edge and I screamed out “Oh fuck yes I’m cumming.” I watched gobs of cum spurt from his cock. I only wished I was there to lick it all up. We giggled after and I told him “Tomorrow you can fuck me professor. I can’t wait.” We blew kisses and went to bed after that.

In the morning Helen and Alex were not up yet. They had come in very late I imagine. I left a note and went to get donuts for everyone. They woke up about 8am looking really relaxed and deliriously happy. I was happy for them but with the kids up I couldn’t ask details. The kids enjoyed their donuts and I got paid by Helen for the week. I texted Prof and told him I was free for the day. He was on his way back from an early morning hike. He asked if he could see me later. I said “Of course, but we don’t have to wait that long. Just come fuck me if you want to.” By the time I got home he was already there. We went straight to the bedroom and he fucked my brains out in about 6 different positions pounding me and then pulled out cumming all over me. He said watching me masturbate was the hottest thing and he was so worked up he couldn’t sleep. But he fell asleep now in my bed and I let him get his rest. I like having a man sleeping in my bed after I wore him out. I busied myself cleaning up the kitchen and making a grocery list and catching up on stuff. I also washed his sweaty clothes. It was Sunday so when he woke up we got in the shower to get ready for church. I sucked him off of course. I needed my cum fill. After that he went home to get ready as he was in his hiking clothes but they were clean at least. He came back to pick me up for mass and then we went to lunch after. He dropped me off after that saying he had something to do that night. I didn’t ask for details because he seemed a little distracted. But I also had some plans of my own.

Lexi had hit me up earlier in the day and that night I went to her place. We hung out and had fun, drank some and watched the movie Last Night in Soho on HBO. It was a fun girls night. We never talked about if we were, or were not. But after the movie she grabbed my hand and led me to the bedroom. I guess that answered that. We kissed and stripped and got in bed 69ing first. She tasted amazing and we ate each other to an orgasm. Then she got out her strap on and bent me over the bed pounding my pussy and ass while she pulled my hair and smacked my ass calling me a whore and slut. It was amazing I needed to be abused and she knew me well. When I finally collapsed after about 5 orgasms she lay with me and we fell asleep. I woke up Monday morning and decided to ping professor. I texted him but he called me back on Facetime. Crap I was lying in bed with Lexi and naked so I didn’t answer. I quickly threw on a shirt and went to the living area and then hit him up on FT. I said I missed his call cuz I was in the bathroom. He noticed the decor and asked where I was. I said I had spent the night with Lexi my bestie. He said he just wanted to tell me he was gonna be busy again all day today and that he would see me tomorrow. Ok this was weird. But I wasn’t pressing him since I spent the night with my other lover. I had woken Lexi up so when I got off the phone she yelled “Come back to bed.” I was feeling a little guilty actually so I just sat there for a minute not sure what I need to do. That wasn’t the response Lexi wanted. She walked in the living room naked, grabbed my hair and pulled me saying “You owe me bitch, get in here. You can feel guilty later.” She pushed me on the bed and climbed up straddling my face and said “Lick my pussy you slut.” She rode my face and I tongued fucked her. Any thoughts melted away as I was smothered deep in her lovely cunt. She grinded on my mouth pulling my hair and moaning loudly “Fuck yes, eat my cunt” and then I felt her shudder through an orgasm. Her head rolled back and she flooded me with juices. Then she kept going but brought her feet to either side so she could move up and make me eat her ass. I was tongue fucking her tight little butt and she said “That’s it…. Dirty ass eating whore…..mmmm yesssss.” She reached one hand up and fingered herself with three fingers while riding my face until she had another orgasm. She climbed off me then and said “Whew… you still make me so hot….. get the strap on and rail me. She got on her knees and I put the strap on on. Then I entered her cunt and started fucking her. She was bucking wildly loving it. I slipped my thumb up her ass and she bucked harder. She said “God I need a dick in both holes….oh fuck yes.” I decided to oblige as best I could. I got a vibrator out of her side drawer and shoved it in her ass, pressing it against my stomach. That was I was able to fuck both of her holes. She said “Oh god yes fuck me….fuck me…FUCK ME!!!!” as she exploded in another orgasm and then collapsed.

After I did my nanny gig, and Lexi fucked Alex, we spent the afternoon shopping and having dinner. Some real good girl time. Between my dating prof and her trips we had not been together a lot. She took the opportunity to grill me about him and our sex life and every aspect of our relationship. I had filled her in earlier on his marriage and lack of sex. She asked if I was gonna open up to him soon. She would never lecture me and I know she was worried about our status, but she said I owed him the truth. Or I had to end it with her. And I had promised I wouldn’t do that so….bitch. I told her to just give me time. I felt like he was a long term project because of his past. But Lexi pointed out we did not have a lot of time if he was leaving toward the end of August. I told her to give me a few weeks at least. But once again I promised I would never leave her. She said maybe it would be better if she wasn’t around. I said no. I actually wondered we needed to spend more time together. Acclimate him to that. So I planned a dinner for Tuesday with her and me and prof and Roger.

So on Tuesday I started my online classes for summer II. No big deal. They should be easy and I could do the work anytime. So I went back to a regular schedule for watching Helen’s kids from 9:30 to 3:30. After that I went to the grocery and started cooking. I tried my hand at paella but I only put chicken and shrimp in it and added more veggies. I served it with ciabatta (store bought) and gazpacho and a salad for something light and fresh. I felt no pressure cooking and everything went well. Everyone seemed to like it. We had a fun evening with wine and everyone was just comfortable and chatting like old friends. Roger broke the news that he was moving soon. I was very sad but happy for him. But he took a job in Phoenix and was gonna move there. It was a big promotion for him to a supervisor role. This naturally brought up professors move but he said he had not given an answer yet. We played Cards Against Humanity which I think was seriously low brow for the professor but he got into it the more we played trying for shock value. Roger was the winner. When Lexi and Roger left professor and I were talking. I was ready for sex but he seemed like he wanted to talk more. He told me that he actually had told the other two jobs in Barcelona no. I said, “So it is Valencia then?” He said “Well I have some more time because that offer came later. So I haven’t actually said yes yet.” I said “What is stopping you?” He said “You of course.” I reiterated that he had to take it, it was the job he wanted and I would be more upset if he said no. He said he had a meeting with the department head of this university yesterday and talked to a lot of colleagues. That was why he was busy. And he said he wanted to meet with someone else but did not say who. He seems to be a very methodical and thorough person so I figured he was just doing his due diligence.

He then told me that he wanted us to have a serious discussion. He said that before he gave his answer he wanted to talk about OUR future (my emphasis). I wasn’t prepared for that. We’ve only been dating 6 weeks. But he said “I’ve been talking to my family about you. A lot. And well they don’t know you of course so don’t take this bad but they don’t trust American women. And given my …age… and my history I don’t want to make a mistake again. I can’t afford it. I have goals… longterm. As I told you before I was intending to go home for a while and of course even Spain I hoped was an opportunity to meet someone more …culturally similar to me. I mean I think everything is great… with us. But I don’t really know what you want. And I question things because I missed obvious signs before. I’m entirely capable of being blinded by… beauty and…..well sex. So I want to know if this is something more… or possibly something more. Or if this is a summer fling with a student and her professor. Or if this is just something…. physical, my sister said that is not uncommon with younger people these days. And I apologize if this is offensive. I don’t mean it that way. I don’t even know if I am going too fast or too slow with you. But I feel pressured by the timeframe we have here so….”

He trailed off. And I felt for him. He was so unsure, had been so destroyed by a woman deceiving him, that my lion was reduced to a lamb in terms of relationships. But he was asking if this was potentially something long term. We both knew what that meant. I wanted to answer with equal wondered so I kissed him instead and said ‘Let me process for a second ok. I need to think through what you said.” He nodded and I laid my head on his shoulder. What this man wanted and needed was complete honesty. But there was way too much to say or tell now. For now I wanted to address his specific concerns. I said “I can tell you, for me, this is much more than a physical relationship. I want to be honest with you about everything, my past, like you have with me. But I don’t think you will be shocked to learn that I am a highly sexual person and I have had physical only kinds of relationships. Let me explain that in those relationships I don’t introduce them to my father, I don’t cook them meals, I don’t have them to dinners with my friends, I don’t date them really and I don’t even sleep over with them at my place or theirs. Physical means just that. Sex and nothing more. So yes this is much more than that to me. Is it a summer fling? I did not get into it with that idea and I certainly hope it is not. I did not know you were leaving until after our first few dates. And even when you leave, I’m not thinking about that as the end. I’m thinking about that as a temporary barrier but one that we can get through. I would also say that no, you are not going too fast. Now culturally I am what I am, which is certainly naive. But I’ve been a sponge for this last semester in your class and on our trip. I’m really embracing my mom’s culture. But I can’t change who I am. All I can do is be open to learn and grow.”

He said “I’m sorry I did not mean you when I said someone culturally similar. I just meant as compared to my ex wife. You are 1000x more like me already. And I absolutely adore your excitement at everything we have seen together and in your writing, and your attitude in class. I was not some worldly scholar at 22, I was young like you. I see the same enthusiasm in your eyes. But it is a relief to hear you think of this is more than physical. I’m sorry I’m so …what’s the phrase ‘gun shy’ but I had to ask. And I appreciate that you are uhhh…. highly sexual as you say. Believe me that is an absolute marvel to me. When I was younger I might have thought that was… I don’t know… a negative, but I’d much rather be with someone highly sexual than not sexual at all. And I don’t really care about your past sexually. I mean I think we should be honest but the only things I need to know are anything that is going to be an issue in the future. Like I don’t want secrets I find out in several years that changes our relationship. If we are at a point where we are talking about …a commitment kind of thing. But we are not there yet…”

Whew. Well I knew that was coming at some point. And I have a lot to divulge. Ugh. But I was not prepared for that yet. I kissed him again….at all times a good distraction and stalling technique. I guess he had enough talking for one night because he said “Come on my little bird… let’s go to bed.” I said “Yes my lion.“ I threw my clothes off quickly while he was stripping off his button down. I knelt before him and said “Let me service you.” I unzipped his pants and started sucking his glorious cock. I sucked him long and hard, throating him and tickling his balls with my tongue. After several minutes he pulled me up and said “Mmm come here.” He tweaked my nipples and said “I have to taste you, on your knees.” I liked him being more demonstrative about what he wanted. He ae me from behind and even slipped a finger in my ass. I was dripping wet and moaning and begging for it “Fuck me professor, fuck my pussy with you big cock.” He refrained as he was enjoying eating my cunt. Finally he raised up and buried his cock in me in one thrust. I was gushing and rocked back feeling him bottom out on me in a mixture of pleasure and pain. Now he fucked me hard. Grabbing my hips and thrusting deep. I said “Fuck yes…. Fuck my cunt. You make me so fucking wet.” He kept going without restraint pounding me. I said “Mmmm pull my hair and smack my ass.” He did so although not too rough. I’d get him there someday but for now it was amazing. I responded in every positive way I could and was verbal saying “Mmm yes fuck your naughty whore.” He finally grabbed my hips and started slamming me until he groaned and pulled back. I spun off and turned to take his load, the first spurt hit my face but I engulfed him after that and greedily swallowed the rest of his load and then licked his cock clean.

We collapsed after that and lay there a while. I was falling asleep and he left soon after. I think with our talk it was time to sort of reflect and not dwell on it. He maybe wanted time to think. I could find out that but I felt like it was a good conversation and we were more on the same page. At least I hoped he understood I wasn’t just having fun here. I was serious about a relationship with him.

I’m trying to catch up here but also after that night not much happened for the next 8 days or so. I mean we continued to see each other and have sex almost daily. I was nannying and Lexi was spending more time with me during the day and even at night. We all went to Chick-fil-A one night. And we played some other games like Settlers of Catan which Roger owned. Although I did understand from Helen that she had sucked a black guys cock at the swinger club in the play room with Alex watching. He had liked it a lot and fucked her after that. So their exploration was continuing and going well I wondered.

On Thursday of last week he finally brought up our relationship again and future plans. He said he owed the Valencia job an answer on Friday. I said “Well, you are taking the position of course.” He said “Yes of course. But there is something I need to decide still.” I said “Ok. What?” He said “Well I have to give you some credit. Weeks ago you told me you would pray for divine intervention and well it worked I guess. In a way.” I was curious now. I said “What do you mean?” He said “Well I talked to my priest that week. Not a confession, just someone who I have talked to when I had things troubling me. A trusted confidant of course. He has counseled me for a couple of years. When I mentioned my predicament, with you and the job he relayed a story to me of his time in seminary. A different situation to be sure but at one point he felt like he was going to have to quit the seminary due to a health issue with his mother. But his primary sponsor encouraged him to talk to the diocesan bishop. And he considered his request for leave and granted it while giving him a special assignment for theological study in the interim. So I decided to inquire with the head of the department if there was any way I could take the position and delay it until January.” My eyes got wide. He said “Well they have granted my request.” I said “Oh my God….are you serious????”

He said “Yes. I have been allowed a semester where I can work remotely on research and then be on site in January to begin teaching. But I have to go over for 2 weeks at the start of September for onboarding, department level meetings, to acclimate and to get to know other staff. And then I’ll have to go for 1 week each month in October, November and December for staff meetings and so that they can monitor my research progress. I can do all other meetings remotely although that will be some very early morning conference calls for me because they are 7 hours ahead of us.”

I screamed and kissed him and said “Sorry… sorry you said you have a decision to make I mean…..are you going to do that?” I was so excited but he did not appear committed to that. He said “I’m considering it. It will be a little tougher to do. But I’ve been thinking about it for the last week. And I need to know something. I’m very hesitant to ask this. It just feels too soon but once again I feel like I’m forced to ask. We talked about whether this was more than just a physical relationship. And I believe you are sincere about that. But….it would be worth it to me… if I knew that it was a relationship with potential for something even more. I’m not asking you for any commitment. But I need to know. For your own life plans are you wanting marriage and kids and all of that? I’m a traditional guy and as I’ve said I am too old to lose any more time if that is not your own goals. I would understand but for myself, I very much want those things.”

I started crying. This was really overwhelming. He grabbed me and hugged me and said “Sorry. I’m so sorry….I don’t mean to pressure you.” I shook my head. I was trying to compose myself. I finally got it together and said “It’s not that. It’s not pressure. I’m not upset. I’m so happy.” He said “You are?” I said “Yes. Yes. Yes. I don’t know how you could doubt what I want. But if I need to say it. Yes. I want that. I do.” The words I just said hit me hard. Like a ton of bricks. It was true but it was something to say it out loud. He hugged me and kissed me and said “Than I’ll do it. I’ll stay.” I started crying again. Tears of joy. I was elated. He was all smiles. But after the rush of the moment a few things hit me. I had to come clean on some stuff.

I said “But I have to tell you some things ok. Since my mom died I’ve wanted to become the best version of her I can be. She was an amazing mother and wife. And while I want to be that I am scared. My mom had issues after I was born and could not have more children. I worry about that being hereditary. I could have complications. I have ovarian cyst issues sometimes and it just makes me worry. My doctor says I can have children. But I could have complications and I just want you to know that. But I have to try. I want to try. I love kids so much.” He said “I’ve seen you with those kids and I know you will be an incredible mom. I’m sure you will be fine. But I appreciate you telling me. I have faith that God put you in my life for a reason.”

We hugged and kissed and held each other. He was relieved, he said and was excited to give them his answer on Friday and move on now that he had a decision and opportunity that he wanted. I was ecstatic. He wasn’t gonna have to be gone for months. But I also realized we were edging toward something even more committed. And I had not told him about Lexi or dad or my sordid past. But we had some time now. For now I’m just gonna enjoy that.

Confession: I honestly had been feeling a lot of anxiety since we got back from Mexico City and this swept all of that away. Most of my delay in writing was that I simply could not focus due to that. But I’m back and I wrote this up in the last few days. So I’m pretty much caught up now.

NSFW: yes

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