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Chapter One: Living in The Past

I looked into his eyes as he pushed deeper into me. My legs were high on his shoulders as he looked down at me and fucked me hard. I love watching his steel blue eyes as he fucked me.

“Harder,” I said as his thick cock slammed into me repeatedly.

I felt his balls slapping against me as he fucked me as if his life depended on it.

“Harder, Jacob!” I said as I looked up at him.

“You have to get up,” Jacob said as he smiled down at me.

“What?” I asked.

“Your alarm is going off,” Jacob said to me.

I sprung up as my dream faded and the reality of the divorce sunk in. I looked over at the alarm and turned it off.

Jacob and I had been divorced for over two years, but I still had the recurring dream of our last time in this bed.

“Fuck,” I said as I sprang out of bed and started to get ready for the day.

I looked in the mirror before I went into the shower. My dark black hair was all over the place. Jacob loved to pull on my hair. He loved how dark it looked. Even now, at thirty-six, it was still holding its color, sure, there was a bit gray here and there, but it wasn’t anything that was getting out of hand.

He also loved my massive boobs. I had at all times been blessed or cursed, as some would put it, with massive tits. As soon as puberty hit, I was much bigger than most other girls. Add to that a nice ass, and I was the envy of most of the girls in high college.

Jacob and I started flirting with each other after high college. Nothing came about it for a few years as we were total opposites. He was the geek, and I was into jocks. But the flirting was fun, and one day at a red-neck party out in the woods past our town, it led to other things.

Who knew a geek like him had a massive white cock. It was the thickest, longest I had ever seen, and that said a lot for me?

I was no prude in high college and didn’t hold anything back after I graduated. I took Jacob’s virginity right there in the middle of nowhere out in the woods.

What happened next was unexpected. Even though we used protection, I became pregnant. Many of the guys hoped it was theirs as they would have the freak in the sheets all men wanted, but I knew it was Jacob’s.

Jacob proposed the moment I told him I was pregnant. He didn’t even ask if it was his or not, he knew the lifestyle I had led, and even with all of that, he still wanted to marry me. That was just over eleven years ago, as our son Clayton had just turned eleven two months ago.

I quickly got ready and headed to work. I worked at a small warehouse down by the railroad tracks. I did payroll as well as many other things.

The only good thing from the divorce was that we co-parented well. Besides that, Jacob wanted nothing to do with me unless it had to do with Clayton.

I couldn’t blame him; the divorce was my fault. No, if’s or buts about it.

Jacob used to work as a tech for a local warehouse, but then he found a much better job working for a tech business. The issue was that he was at all times leaving to go out of town weekly.

At first, I looked past it due to the amount of money Jacob made; he knew how high my sex drive was and had no problems when he would come home and discover that I had bought new toys to keep me going while he was gone.

Along with my job at the warehouse facility, I worked part-time at a bar.

One night after closing, things went a bit too far when I should have gone straight home and not hung out with friends.

Like in high college, I hung out with the wrong crowd, and that night we went bar hopping in the city. We didn’t live in a small town, far from it, but it does have a tight-knit community where everybody knows everybody, so gonna the city is a forty-minute drive on the highway.

Well, I got toasted, completely and utterly wasted. Jacob was out of town, and Clayton was having a sleepover with friends, so I took the opportunity to be as wild as efficient, which for me, was wild.

I did many things wrong that night. One of them was that I stood up in the back of my friend’s pick-up truck and flashed everyone as we drove down the strip of bars.

It wasn’t until we got back that things went from bad to worse. I had at all times had a thing for guys with tight rock-hard abs, and Johnny, a friend of a friend, was with us, and he worked out a lot, so when we were at Kate’s house by the pool, he took off his shirt I was totally out of order.

It started with all of us jumping into the pool topless. Which wouldn’t have been wrong, I had been known to flash my giant tits at the drop of a dime, but when Johnny came over to me at the side of the pool staring at my tits, it was over.

Not even ten minutes later, I was sucking his cock as he sat at the pool’s edge, with everyone watching. My friend Kate tried to stop me, but I was too far gone to care. I sucked his cock until he came into my mouth.

Johnny held my head down until he was totally spent.

Then, when everyone started laughing and calling me a cheater and a whore, I realized what I had done. I rushed out of Kate’s house and ran all the way home.

I still could taste the cum on my tongue and smell it on my breath as I tried to wash it all out. I kept wishing it didn’t happen, that it was some fucked up mistake that I could erase, but it did, and as soon as Jacob returned, everyone would tell him.

None of the people there at the time were loyal to me or were they, good friends, except for Kate, who had tried to stop me.

I called Kate right after I took a shower, she came over, and I cried in her arms as she tried to calm me down. There was no way this was gonna end well.

Jacob returned home, and before he even got in the door, he was already fuming. I wanted to tell him first, but it’s not something you can say over the phone. I knew I had to tell him, but someone got to him first, and the moment he walked in the door, our marriage was over.

I got it all from Jacob’s parents, who were still alive and well and still married. While my parents were both deceased, they lived terrible lives and died in a tragic car accident while under the influence.

They at all times said the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, and here I was making the same mistakes they did, making bad decisions while drunk.

“Did you get my report?” my boss Charles asked as he came into my office.

I blindly lifted a piece of paper and handed it to him. My job was easy. Most of the time, I sat at my desk, typed out reports, and sent emails.

Charles was one of the few that still talked to me. Most of the people that knew me either blamed me or called me names under their breath. I deserved it; I made no problems for Jacob when he filed. I signed the papers and gave him what he wanted, space. He wanted space from me, so I gave it to him.

I didn’t expect that space would put him right in the arms of my friend Alyssa. She swooped in and took him before the ink was completely dry on the papers.

Now the two of them lived just down the road from me, and if the rumors were true, they were planning on getting married. Jacob loved Alyssa because she was the perfect woman. She never went out drinking, went straight home after work, and didn’t hang around with any guys unless she was with Jacob. She was perfect for him.

I picked up the phone and called Jacob. I wanted to know when to pick up Clayton as it was my weekend to have him.

“Hey,” Jacob said as he answered.

“What time should I come around?” I asked.

“Seven?” Jacob replied.

“Sounds good,” I nodded.

“Any plans?” Jacob asked.

“Well, I work tonight and tomorrow at the bar,” I said as I leaned back in my chair. “But Sunday, I was thinking of taking him to the archery range. He has to get used to his new bow.”

“He will like that,” Jacob replied.

This was our usual conversation. It was at all times centered around Clayton. Never about us, not about me, not about him or his relationship. Everything was about our son.

“Oh, do you know any good guys that could come out and look at the deck?” I asked.

“Shit!” Jacob said. “My fault I completely forgot about that, sorry.”

“Not a problem, it’s still shaking, and Clayton forgot about it and went outside and he said it felt like it was going to fall apart,” I said.

“Yeah, it would be best to stay off it,” Jacob replied. “Tell you what,” he paused.

Which only meant he was gonna say something I wouldn’t like. He at all times paused when he was gonna say something about Alyssa.

“Say it,” I nodded.

“Jesse knows a few good workers that are really cheap,” Jacob said. “He was the one we went to when we added that extra room to the house.”

Jesse was Alyssa’s brother and one of the guys at the pool that night. I was sure he was the one that told Jacob before I could. He never admitted it, but I knew it had to be him.

“Sure,” I nodded as if he could see me. “It has to get done,” I admitted more to myself than to him.

“Cool, I will tell him to swing by this weekend?” Jacob asked.

“Definitely,” I said. “I better get back to work, before Charles throws a tantrum,” I said.

Charles was putty in my hands, I often got away with whatever I wanted, as long as the paperwork was all done and the payroll was done by Thursday.

I fumed for over an hour. Even though I had no one else to blame for the downfall, I still had feelings for Jacob. Kate at all times said it was because of the sex, but it was much more than that. I missed him as a person.

It had been two years, and I hadn’t dated or even wondered about another person except for Jacob. And now he would be out of reach for good if he married that bitch.

Alyssa was the opposite of me. She was skinny, like really thin. She loved running marathons, taking Jacob and Clayton all over the place to see her run. She also competed in that iron man contest. She used to be the friend that tried to keep everyone in line. Where was she when I needed her?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Hey buddy,” I said as I picked up Clayton.

“Hey,” he said as he climbed into the passenger seat.

I waved at Jacob as he went back into their house.

“So, what do you want for dinner?” I asked.

I already knew the answer, but I hoped he would say something different.

“Taco Bell!” Clayton said.

“Of course,” I shook my head.

The boy loved Taco Bell, at all times ordering a chicken quesadilla and three soft tacos. That was his go-to every time I asked. Even though I could make a better quesadilla and tacos with my eyes closed, he at all times said he loved the sauce. That was the other thing he would do, get the hottest sauces and dump five packets all over it.

“So,” Clayton said as we sat down to eat.

“I heard,” I nodded.

“What do you think?” Clayton asked.

I shrugged and bit on my burrito.

“That bad huh?” Clayton asked.

I at all times wondered if you had nothing good to say, then keep your mouth shut. I did it, especially when it came down to Jacob and Alyssa, and especially around Clayton.

“I know, how you feel, and how they feel, so, it’s best if I stay out of it,” I nodded. “That okay?”

“Yeah,” Clayton nodded. “Just wish you and Lisa would get along.”

“Yeah, that’s not going to happen,” I said.

I didn’t blame Alyssa for what happened, even though she hadn’t been there, but I did blame her for getting with my husband. Friends didn’t do that to each other.

“Change of subject,” I said as I smiled at him.

Clayton was the spitting image of his father except for the dark black hair he got from me. Everything else was his father.

I took a playing card from my purse and pushed it to Clayton. “But dad said I couldn’t play any games because of my grades,” Clayton beamed.

“I won’t tell him if you don’t,” I said.

I had gotten a PS5 the moment they came out and were available. I knew how strict Jacob could be, so it was only fair that I would be the fun parent.

“I will have to use your account, so he doesn’t see me online,” Clayton said.

“Not a problem,” I nodded.

Clayton’s smile at all times made me feel better about things.

“You going to be, okay?” I asked.

Clayton was all smiles as he played his video game. I had to work a late shift at the bar, but I at all times alarmed the house, and Clayton was old enough to know never to answer the door.

I shook my head and went out the door.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“You need to let it go,” Kate said as we tended the bar together.

“I know,” I nodded. “She’s still a bitch!”

“You gave up the ability to call her anything the moment you sucked that cock,” Kate said as she smiled at one of the guys.

“You keep saying that,” I shook my head.

“Well, it’s the truth,” Kate said.

“You should have pulled me off him,” I said, shaking my head as I cleaned a few glasses.

“Do we have to go over that night again?” Kate asked. “Every time you bring up Alyssa, we have to revisit that night, it’s getting old!”

I lived in that night. When I went to sleep, it plagued me. Every time I looked at Jacob, I remembered the look on his face when he came through the door.

“You don’t know what’s it like,” I shook my head.

“No, I don’t,” Kate said. “Because I can control myself when I drink.”

I sighed as I looked at her. Kate was my best friend. “He’s gone,” Kate shrugged. “You have to accept that and move on.”

Kate was at all times the voice of reason outside of my head. She was right about one thing. Jacob was gone. I could see it in his eyes. He was no longer interested in me other than the co-parent to his son.

I slowly opened the door to the house and crept inside. I smiled as I saw Clayton on the couch all bundled up, with the headset still on his head. I turned off the television, armed the alarm, and headed to bed.

Another night spent alone, and another night I would dream of the man I could never have again.

***Author’s Note: The rest of this story as well as many other of my stories are on my other pages, the links to which can be found*** [***here***](

NSFW: yes

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