Ask your doctor – non monogamous

I receive all kinds of sex questions and confessions. And some deserve just a little more attention. Aah… sex. I can not write enough about it. The lust, the overwhelming, the disappointments, the downright weird. The most outrageous experiences, all the sexy news and professional explanations to provocative questions. This time: non monogamous

For those that never read any of my posts, let me introduce myself, I am a doctor/general practitioner (GP), married, I have a gorgeous daughter, and I have a COCK addiction, if you have any questions, feel free to contact me and I will answer any question you have xxx

**Non monogamous**

Although open relationships seem to be on the rise and non-monogamy is slowly becoming less taboo, monogamy is the norm. Monogamy used to mean, one partner for the rest of your life. Couples entered marriage as virgins and remained together for the rest of their lives. When one partner died, the remaining partner remained alone and lived celibate. Monogamy nowadays seems to be mostly about the sexual side of a relationship. It stands for sexual exclusivity. Exclusive intimacy seems to be the absolute Holy Grail in a love relationship. It creates a sense of security and defines the relationship, we chose each other.

But are monogamous relationships still of this time? It is a nightmare for many but ordinary for others…

My ex got really jealous when he found out that I had sex with other men during our time together, it made him jealous, he told me that he could not get rid of the images in his head, showing him how other men pleased me, fucked me with their big cocks. At some point he got so jealous that we broke up. Personally, I am a strong believer that having sex with others should be feasible in a love relation. I already know that many of my readers now will totally disagree with me, because according to the ‘ordinary relationship thinking’, people should not have sex with someone else whilst in a love relationship.

People like me who do not want to live according to this ordinary relationship thinking see this differently. I believe that people are never physically and emotionally owned by someone else, even if you are in a relationship. Jealousy is seen as a natural emotion, but one that you can learn to tolerate, so that it gradually becomes less intense and may even eventually turn into having positive feelings when your partner is fucking someone else. I want to explore the limits of my own sexuality and needs and also free myself mentally from the moral frameworks that women have internalized over the centuries.

Our monogamous relationship mindset is so deeply embedded in most of us, just look for example at your own relationship, do you feel jealous when your partner clearly feels attracted to someone else? How do you deal with that? What is allowed and what not? Does your partner allow you to chat, dance or be friends with someone the other gender? Does your partner mind if you have fun with them? Or travel alone with them? Does your partner mind if you text with others regularly? Are there feelings of love or lust, and how much is still ok? Can you cuddle or flirt with someone else? Can you kiss someone? Have sex?

We have been socially brainwashed with the idea that in a love relationship you own each other physically and emotionally. Very jealous people set the limit much sooner, but French kissing already goes too far for most couples, and see someone from the opposite sex a few times a week is out of the question, it is then called an emotional affair? I think a monogamous relationship is actually quite absurd, but then I can be quite rational. Who am I to say that my husband is not allowed to do something just because we love each other? And why would my husband want to forbid me to fuck someone else? Would it not be much more loving if we gave each other the world? Despite any feelings of jealousy?

Personally, I see jealousy as a waste of time and energy. Negative emotions elicit negative behaviour.

My advice, when you jump into a serious relationship, you immediately need to tell your loved one what you are looking for. You need to make sure that you both can be yourself in the relationship without feeling embarrassed or hurting each other. Don’t hold on to the perfect idea of what a relationship should be like and embrace each other’s deviations from the norm. There should be no shame and no need to change the other person. You should trust each other and actually talk about almost anything without fear of damaging your relationship.

**My marriage**

Me and my husband have a non-monogamous relationship, in our marriage we are both allowed to have sex with other people. Don’t confuse this with polyamory (having multiple committed relationships) or swinging (being engaged in sexual activity with others as a couple or single), or simply having an open relationship in which we both are free to have other relational encounters.

If I fuck someone else, it does not mean that I don’t love my husband anymore, or does not feel attracted to him. Me and my husband still have the romantic and physical attraction for each other, but we both also fuck others. A non-monogamous relationship is not the best option for everyone. Insecurity and jealousy are not easy to deal with. Because I can separate lust and love, I know that no other cock can make me doubt the love I feel for my husband.

What do you prefer? Someone who makes love to you but thinks of someone else? Or someone who makes love to someone else but thinks of you? My own research shows that men massively choose for option 1 (as long as they have sex) and women for option 2 (the romantic idea that there is someone somewhere who is with you even during sex).

One of the most common misconceptions about our non-monogamous marriage is that it is not just an excuse to cheat. Because, cheating implies that one of us is breaking the rules of our marriage, which is not the case. In our non-monogamous relationship, we both are aware of what the other does and we both agree that we can have sex with others, but no love relations.

Have a wonderful horny everyone…

Please if you have any questions, confessions, or you need some advice, or just horny talks, feel free to contact me and I will answer any question you have xxx

NSFW: yes

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