I’ve always envied guys with muscles. They always get chicks, always get all the attention. So I decided: no excuses! I was gonna get buff, no matter what it took.

I spent hours in the gym. I ate hamburger patties like they were candy. And yeah, I toned up. But it was nothing like the beefcakes I saw online.

Looking for tips, I hit up bodybuilder forums, but everyone gave the same advice: eat protein, work out, time your carbs, yadda yadda. Big help those losers were.

As I was cruising a website, I saw an ad. “Ultimate Impact Ultra-Gain Muscle Powder—Build Muscle in Days, Guaranteed!” Well, some of the guys had recommended protein powder . . .

You know what the craziest part is? It worked! Just the first day, I noticed a difference. With every smoothie, I was getting jacked, my muscles expanding by inches! I took selfies throughout the day, and you could see the improvement! People were paying me all kinds of compliments, and girls started flirting with me wherever I went. Finally, I was getting the attention I deserved!

But after a few weeks, things started getting weird. People started commenting on my Insta posts asking if I was okay. Girls stopped hanging all over me, and started avoiding me. I was having physical problems, too. I was tired all the time and working out just didn’t excite me like it used to.

I decided to take a break from the protein powder. Just for a week or so.

But my muscles kept growing.

Biceps, abs, quads—they inflated rapidly, swelling until I had trouble balancing. It got to the point I couldn’t fit through doorways. I tried to call for help, but my fingers were so thick I couldn’t bend them. Eventually, I was so heavy, that I couldn’t even move.

And that’s why I’m stuck on this couch, too bulky to even lie down. My pectorals balloon in front of me and my traps press against my ears. I can barely breathe—and still, I can feel them expanding. Bulbous flesh pushes against my mouth and nose. I can’t see far beyond my own body, and even as I strain for the smallest breath of air, my vision is going dark . . .